phoenix83

So this is my first time actually using an online forum for help, but I don't know where else to turn. I feel like my story is a little different from what I've read on here so I'll give some background info. I'm 27 years old, female, and I live in Idaho. The alcoholic in my life is my 25 year old younger brother. It all started 4 years ago, well actually maybe longer than that. My brother is a very very bright kid, and he was actually straight edge (he didn't drink or use drugs) all throughout high school, all he did was go to school and hang out with his band, I don't think he even really got drunk till he turned 21. After he turned 21 his friends started to move, get married, or have kids. He moved out of my parent's house to start college, but he ended up moving back home because he had started drinking, missing classes, and he just figured college wasn't the thing for him at this time. Did I mention he is incredibly intelligent? His IQ is through the roof, he was in advanced placement from 5 years old onwards, and both my parents are physicians so everybody has always had high hopes for him. I don't know where everything went horribly wrong. In 2006 he got into drugs, he started recreationally using acid, mushrooms, cocaine, etc. I'll be honest, we lived together at this time, and I never felt like it was my place to ever discipline him or threaten him since I wasn't exactly the most standup child growing up. Sure I never got arrested, but I had my fair share of fun before I turned 18, I figured it was a stage he would grow out of, HUGE MISTAKE. At the beginning of 2007 he started dealing cocaine, I was oblivious to this at first, but we live together, so when I started seeing weird people coming and going from my house at all hours of the night I put two and two together. I still did nothing though, and I regret this to this day, I wish I had told my parents, I really do. My brother was losing lots of weight, (he is 6 foot 2 and he weighed maybe 125 pounds) he was shaky, and I tried to subtly hint to my mom that something was wrong but she has never been able to see anything but the good in him and she assumed it was medically related. My parents did numerous tests on him (everything but drug tests) and everything came back fine, nothing was medically wrong, so they just assumed he needed to eat more. Ok I'm rambling now, I apologize. December of 2007 my house was raided by the police. My brother was gone and I opened the door to 5 cops, they put a gun to my head, handcuffed me and my roomate, and searched our house. My brother had been caught selling an ounce of cocaine to an undercover cop. He ended up going to jail for a month, and then they put him in a work release program. Why did he get off so easily? Well for one my parents are both physicians, they shelled out about 70 grand for a lawyer, and on top of that my brother was a biochemistry major at the time, and trying to go to medical school, the judge saw him as a smart kid who made a mistake but with the right help could still do something great with his life. He was put on 3 years probation, and his charged was dropped to solicitation which is still a felony, but not a drug related felony, even though he should have been charged with trafficking cocaine. So that brings us to one year later, my brother stopped using drugs, but he was drinking, and he was drinking a lot, I had random calls at all hours of the night from friends telling me they saw him passed out downtown and I should go get him, If he ever left the house I was up till 4 in the morning waiting for a call from him or a call from the cops, I had no kind of life and I felt guilty moving out because I was the only person my parents had to watch over him. I told them what he was doing and they reprimanded him but he never received any consequences. Then he was arrested again, this time in 2009, for a DUI. I got the call from one of his friends at 2 am, and he showed up the next day at 10 am. So here's where I am now. I guess I should have mentioned earlier that my brother and I were both born in England and my parents are Indian, so we both had Indian citizenship when we moved to the US. I got my American citizenship a few years ago, and before my brother applied he was arrested for drug possession, so after that he had to wait a long time before he could even think of applying again because they would never grant it to a felon with a drug charge. So now he is not a citizen, he has a felony, he has a probation violation (the DUI) and he still won't stop drinking. His probation conditions are that he must either be in school or employed or they will send him to prison. After his probation violation, he again had minimal consequences but they set one major stipulation, if he gets in trouble one more time, he WILL serve out the rest of his sentence, which is 3 years in prison, after which the government would deport him since he is not a citizen. I don't know if anybody knows what that is like, but deportation camps, and foreign prisons aren't like they are here. It's a 4 foot cell which they share with 10 people, there are no rules, no rights, and no sanitation, it is literally worse than death. With all this looming over him, he still drinks. He doesn't just risk getting arrested and fines, if his PO catches him, if a cop catches him, if he gets in trouble, he goes to prison for 3 years after which he will be sentenced to a life worse than death. In addition we can't take him out of school and put him in rehab because that violates his probation and he will be sent to prison. We can't ask the PO for an alcohol monitor because that will violate him and send him to prison. So now I don't know what to do. I can't move away and move on with my life because I can't leave my parents with this burden, we can't get him help because if his PO finds out he will violate him, and we can't take him out of school because he will also go to jail. Everytime he leaves the house I have to worry that he is going to come home drunk, and because he takes his car, also that he will get a DUI. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't work, and neither can my parents. He may not care about himself, but he doesn't realize that if this is his fate, prison and deportation, not only will it break him but it will break his family because none of us could live with knowing what he is going through day in and day out in that hellhole, and knowing there is nothing we can do. How do I get through to him? How do I help my parents? What are my options??

Dee74

Hi Phoenix

That certainly sounds like a deep hole your brother is digging...but he's the one digging it.

I really encourage you (and your parents) to think about your own health and welfare too - maybe set some boundaries for dealing with your brother while he's unwilling to deal with his own problems?

I recommend you visit our Family and Friends forums as well - you'll find a wealth of help and support down there too

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

welcome to SR
D

artsoul

Welcome Phoenix- I feel so bad for what you're going through. It has to be terrible. Does your brother know all these consequences? (I would assume he does).

The problem with addiction is that people will drink/drug in spite of the consequences. There's really nothing you can do until he is desperate enough to want help.

I would suggest looking at the part of the forum for people who have addicted family members:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There is also Al-Anon which can give you support (your parents as well). There are meetings in most places.

I'll pray for your brother and for you and your family. Alcoholism and drug addiction are truly "family diseases." That is, they not only affect the addict, but every one around them. Take care of yourself and I hope your brother comes to want sobriety soon.

Anna

I am very sorry for your situation, and I hope that you and your family will seek support for yourselves here in the Friends & Families forum and at AlAnon.

phoenix83

Thank you so much for your responses. This has been a very trying time for our family, I feel so horrible for my parents. I'm going to look up some al anon meetings in my area. My brother did make a few steps to start helping himself. He only uses his car to go to school and he is home every night by 8, in addition he got a prescription for Antabuse, I hope it helps. Does anybody have any experience with this drug? I know it can have some really bad side effects and I hope he isn't hurting himself further by taking it.

Dee74

I have no experience with antabuse phoenix but I'm sure others will share their experiences.

If your brother was prescribed it, I'm sure he's gotten the run down on what he needs to do

D

least

I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but I'm glad you found us and joined the family. I hope we can be a lot of help and support to you. Take good care of yourself throughout this mess, your well being is important, you know.