hope2be

My AD was caught shoplifting and arrested about a month ago. Her 4/o daughter, was with her when this happened.
Today, I went to this store with my grandaughter and she kept repeating "this is where the cops brought my Mom to jail" . I tried to get her to stop saying it, but I think she was saying it to defend her Mom, like the police had done something wrong. When we were checking out, she asked the cashier, "why are the cops here?". The cashier stated something like "I don't see any police here...but they come here sometimes to protect us".

I'm confused about what to tell my grandaughter. On one hand, I want to just sweep it under the rug (old behavior). On the other hand, it's a delicate situation b/c she loves her Mom and I don't know how to explain to her that her Mom broke the law and this is the consequence. I just don't know if she'll understand.

Any insight would be appreciated.

Callie

I've always been advised that the truth at an age appropriate level is what they need to be told. I know with my twins, once they had SOME kind of idea what was going on, they handled things alot better and were more @ peace with things.

I also made sure to reiterate that their dad loves them very much.

litehorse

i agree - the truth, age appropriate of course is always best

hope2be

Thanks for all of your input. I did take your advice cynical one & explained that stealing was wrong & went to adult time-out. I didn't want her thinking the police are the bad guys. She seemed ok with that response.
I am grateful everyday that I found this site and all of my fellow members

sojourner

My advice is to give your grand-daughter some toys that resemble a store and the characters in this story. Put them in a room but don't say anything. If she does ask, just say something simple like, "oh, just some toys I thought you might like."

Then just be quiet and watch. My hunch is she will start playacting this whole thing out. It might take a little while for her to approach the subject. Don't interfere, don't try to get in there and lead the way. Just watch around the corner and give her privacy if that's works better for her. Maybe comment later but very, very little. My hunch is she will do this for days and days until she gets this whole thing out of her. Once that happens she won't need to be bringing it up out in public so much. Everybody wins, esp your grand-daughter.

devastated

I agree with with Cynical One. I am raising my great grandaughter who is 3-1/2 years old now, and when she asks where her mom is, I tell her she cannot come to see her NOW because she has no car, no house, no money. I then take the opportunity to stress how important it is to go to school so you can make money to buy a car, house, etc.

I also always tell her that the policemen are our friends and, as long as you never do bad things they will always be our friend.

Her mom took something that did not belong to her, she needs to know that this is wrong.

Hugs, Devastated