Notices

Afternoon Crave..Afternoon Cave

Old 01-19-2011, 01:01 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 2
Afternoon Crave..Afternoon Cave

I just logged on after a two year absence. I spent most of the morning reading other's stories and posts. I never wanted to give up drinking completely but as you all know that the only choice for people like me (us). I have been drinking since I was 15 and now I'm 48. Having raised 3 kids there was a period of years where I was somewhat responsible. Didn't drink during the week, never getting too hammered to the point of child endangerment, etc. Since the kids have all went off to college and I got divorced four years ago there has been nobody to shake their finger at me when I want one more drink at 10 on a work night. For the last 4 years I have not went more than 3 days without a drink. I am remarried to a wonderful woman 14 years younger than I. Its great! We do everything together, tennis, biking, golf, go to the gym...oh did I mention we love to share a drink(s) together! Granted she is still at the stage where she can quit after 2 or 3 but I have certainly gotten past that point. I rarely have hangovers and never miss a day of work. I can't think of any harm my drinking has done to others. I do however have this guilt the next day..most days because of my inability to stop at 2 or 3 because I want to keep that feeling going. I drives me crazy when I catch myself sneeking a few chugs right from the bottle after I've put my glass in the sink for the night or before wwe go out for dinner.

Today I was going to give quitting a try but, as in the title of my post, my afternoon craving is kicking in and I think I might cave in and just have beer tonight. I have already justified in my head that if I stick with beer I will not get so lazy and get some things done around the house and fall asleep on the couch at 8:30. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does it get easier on day 4 or 5?
Ethan is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:05 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Grateful Member
 
julez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Beware. It gets harder, not easier. Well, it gets easier for a little bit, but then it gets harder, and stagnant and boring IF you just stay dry. You have to replace it with recovery work if you want to stay sane, lol.
julez is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:20 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,045
Hi Ethan

Well - beer never made me into a dynamo LOL.

Alcohol is alcohol I think and that's the problem - from my experience fooling with different types is just rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.

You're wise to try and push through.

early recovery is hard, but I think support makes a big difference, whether it's here or something real life like counselling, or a recovery group like AA, SMART etc - even just seeing your Dr might be a good start.

Welcome back
D

Last edited by Dee74; 01-19-2011 at 06:13 PM.
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:24 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
Hi and Welcome,

It will get easier as time goes by, but not necessarily by Day 5.

What I can tell you is that you have to do more than just giving quitting a try. Stopping drinking is really hard to do and it will take a lot of motivation and hard work. I had to make a lot of changes in my life in order to begin recovery.
Anna is online now  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 2
Like so many of you out there, I've progressed to hard liquor, mostly Vodka Martinis. Less filling, more satisfying, instant gratification. I have all the will power in the world to quit from the time I wake up until mid afternoon then BAM! A drink after work would really feel good! I have also progressed to starting at roughly noon on Saturdays, just because its Saturday and similar on Sunday. Just a cool buzz except for some ocassional binging once a month or so. I am fighting the urge right now. Lucky I'm still at work.
Ethan is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:35 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
We are all doing this together...welcome.
Maryjan is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:36 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
reggiewayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Hi Ethan. Does it sound familiar? Uh, hell yes it does. Your story is very similar to mine. I've never been arrested, I manage to get myself to work when I'm drinking, I try like hell to be a good person "in spite" of my drinking. I often felt hungover after everytime I drank. I would try and "power through them" and for the most part did. I too remember saying "just a few", then one after another the "few" was expanded. At the end of the night I almost always took a few pulls right out of the bottle to get a little more buzzed a little faster...

Ethan, I WAS / AM AN ALCOHOLIC. No matter how I want to trick myself, justify, compare myself to others, the bottom line I am alcoholic. I obess about alcohol (or used to I should say). I was either drinking, thinking of drinking, thinking of not drinking, or hungover every day of my life. On December 2nd last year (48 days ago) I had my last drink. That day was not unlike many other days. I was trying like hell to take care of my family and wanted to create a good night for everyone. I suggested we go out to dinner and we did just that. At dinner I ran into a guy whom I haven't seen since my disease of alcoholism really got into full swing. When I was talking to him all I heard in my head is "look how far you've fallen, you're a drunk, you're a phony, look how good he is and look how bad you are"... All of these self loathing thoughts were going on...

So what did I do? Like any self respecting alcoholic I was going to show him and everyone else that I didn't care. So, I started drinking whisky at 8pm. I had one, then another, then another, then some directly out of the bottle, then some more, and next thing I knew it was 3:30am. I remember thinking "how am I going to get my son to school tomorrow, since I'll probably be drunk in the morning (since it was 3 hours away and I was probably blowing a .3%....

I woke up and drove my beloved son to school still drunk from the night before. I was able to get him to school and got home safely. It was when I arrived at home that I said "THIS HAS TO STOP". I logged on to this site, I read through a lot of posts, and I got my ass to an AA meeting. I have not drank since.

All I can say is my life, without a doubt, is better now than it was when I was drinking. That doesn't mean that I don't think about alcohol and don't crave it... it simply means that I in no way think my life is less fufilled than when I was drinking. Quite the opposite really.

Just know that the "craving" is your disease telling you that you need a drink. That's what it does. My disease tries to convince me that I don't have a disease. That's the most perplexing aspect of it. I had to make a decision, am I an alcoholic. If that answer was yes, then I was faced with a choice. What to do? I could do nothing and continue on my road to misery and death, or I could chose to become part of recovery. For me that recovery process is AA first and then this site.

I wish you the best. Recovery is possible I believe for any of us. It takes rigerous honesty and action. Good intentions get us nowhere. I can't tell you how many times I wasn't going to drink at 9am and ended up drunk by 9pm. That is the disease of alcoholism. I have fought it my entire adult life. Not today, I have surrendered to it.
reggiewayne is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:39 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
it's a slippery slope

Yup, I've tried it. Stop with the vodka I've said a thousand times. Just stick with wine and you'll be fine. Oh but that vodka sneaks back into my life faster and faster each time. And earlier and earlier in the day. Suddenly noon becomes 9 or 10. Suddenly a drink AT work is the best solution to the afternoon craving.
Good luck with whatever you decide is the best path for you. We're all in this together!
silly is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 06:04 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
SR Fan
 
artsoul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I can relate to your story, too. As reggie so aptly put it:
I can't tell you how many times I wasn't going to drink at 9am and ended up drunk by 9pm. That is the disease of alcoholism.
I always knew I'd quit "someday." But it seemed like things were getting worse, not better. Finally I asked myself "what 'someday' are you waiting for? It's not going to get any easier - so why not now?"

I understand about justifying the beer, too - it's all about finding ways/reasons to tell ourselves it's OK to continue. Did that for years and years!

Glad you're here - hope you'll give sobriety another try!
artsoul is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 06:16 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsCooterBrown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Yeah that justification is tricky..towards the end..it was beer with a whiskey back..and then home to finish off with a half gallon of wine!! Why quit at beer...you have to give it more time Mister. You have to look at sobriety as life enhancing..positive move..not as a deprivement. And once the Mrs. catches up to your level..you will be in a real pickle. It will then become a competition as to who can grab the next drink the fastest. It gets butt ugly. Hope you can quit while you are ahead...It is a BIG mind game. Time to think differently...
MsCooterBrown is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 09:58 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Supercrew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Ethan, your story sounds somewhat familiar to mine about 2 and half years ago. It progressed for 2 years until I started to have some withdrawal issues when I didn't even realize I was detoxing. The reason I was able to get to that point, basically a full blown alcoholic drinking about 4-5 days a week and really heavy thursday - sunday, was because I didn't have anyone watching me. Not only that I learned how to conceal it. It became a daily obsession and it turned out to be harder work for me to stay drunk than it was to quit drinking.

When I started drinking earlier on the weekends I never thought that a few months later I would be drinking when I woke up on weekends, and never thought a few months later I would be drinking at noon on weekdays, and a few months later, (a couple of days a week I would be drinking on weekday mornings.....but I let it progress to that point without even knowing it. Basically it sneaks up on you, and over my 27 years of drinking it ended up basically taking over every aspect of my life. I went to work every day, paid the bills, stayed out of trouble for the most part, and no one really knew...not even me.

If you really feel like it is giving you problems, just stick around the board for a while and see what you can learn. The hardest part is finally accepting that you might have a problem, then you can decide what you want to do about it.
Supercrew is offline  
Old 01-19-2011, 10:26 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Groovy Dancer
 
Ghostly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Welome back to SR! To echo what others have written, F2F support may be the way to go. AA, counseling or some other form. Either way you need to be in recovery...not just not drinking. My recovery program is SR, and it has worked for me, although I have kept other option open if needed.

That beer you want to have, that one...may be one today. It might stay at one, but it won't for long. Come on, you know the game. You can't stick to one. I can't either though.

You can quit. You think you should. You can do it. It is up to you.
Ghostly is offline  
Old 01-20-2011, 01:29 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
I started out having 'just one' glass of wine to 'relax' before the kids got home from school and within six months was drinking all day, every day. It sure does progress, and faster than you'd think. And I thought I was 'alright' cause I was 'only' drinking wine...

I finally had enough and gave it up for good over a year ago. You can too.
least is offline  
Old 01-20-2011, 05:46 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Chantilly, VA
Posts: 216
Welcome Ethan, I have read a great many sites (this one daily). At the "Rational Recovery" site, on the home page, the first sentence states: "No family can survive addiction of even one of its members. Addiction is a black hole that consumes all of a family’s finances and emotional resources, and then still demands more." That _really_ hit home with me. No matter how much you try to "moderate", or change from vodka to wine to beer, etc., _eventually_, you will be right back where you were and soon sliding even deeper. There is just No happy ending. I did the same thing you did, it started earlier and earlier. I got very sick last November and have been stuck in my home since then, I had stopped for months but I was so bored, I "decided" a little drink now and then would help pass the time. Suffice to say, I was _Amazed_ at how fast I was back to drinking pretty much all day to "pass the time". I could see the writing on the wall so once again, I put the bottle down and am getting over it. I figured best do that now while I am not working so when I do go back to work, I can be a fully functioning human again :-) No matter how bad the craving, just tell yourself (sternly), Ok, a drink would be nice, but... no, just not _Now_. Since it's always _Now_...... You get the picture. Hang in there, come here often! ..Mike
BurningChrome is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:35 PM.