shame
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
shame
Does anyone know how to rebuild your esteem in early recovery?
I AM a bit down due to missing my meds for 2 days but this said i do feel a deep shame at being sutch a peehead for 16 years. Family and people keep telling me im doing well for being sober 17 days but i feel pathetic.
im not working and afraid to start.
my plan was to be sober 4 weeks then do a volunteer job
i just want to be proud for myself and my family and being sober 17days doesnt seem mutch to shout about or brag about with all but my those people i like the most in the real world when compared to 16 years of drunkenness untold thousands of pounds on sex addictions (combined with alcohol) and 5 jobs lost
I AM a bit down due to missing my meds for 2 days but this said i do feel a deep shame at being sutch a peehead for 16 years. Family and people keep telling me im doing well for being sober 17 days but i feel pathetic.
im not working and afraid to start.
my plan was to be sober 4 weeks then do a volunteer job
i just want to be proud for myself and my family and being sober 17days doesnt seem mutch to shout about or brag about with all but my those people i like the most in the real world when compared to 16 years of drunkenness untold thousands of pounds on sex addictions (combined with alcohol) and 5 jobs lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
anyone have any idea what to do-aside from not getting peeed?
i have been a barman TWICE and lost both jobs so really want to show all those people around my small town im moving in the right direction and right now im not sure what i am achieving exactly...progress is very slow.
I guess id better call about my benefits tomorrow since this slow process is worrying me.
heaven only knows what i would do if they stopped my benefits, ill call an alcohol aadvice line tomorrow and ask em
kevin
i have been a barman TWICE and lost both jobs so really want to show all those people around my small town im moving in the right direction and right now im not sure what i am achieving exactly...progress is very slow.
I guess id better call about my benefits tomorrow since this slow process is worrying me.
heaven only knows what i would do if they stopped my benefits, ill call an alcohol aadvice line tomorrow and ask em
kevin
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Hi Kevin,
Glad you are here on SR, I hope you will come back often. Sounds like you have some good people around you, 17 days is a great accomplishment, they want you to know that.
I have not been on SR for too long but I can say this for sure, this is a place where you can feel at ease, you will never be judged here--but you might be challenged to devise a plan and a roadmap for recovery though!
Glad you are here on SR, I hope you will come back often. Sounds like you have some good people around you, 17 days is a great accomplishment, they want you to know that.
I have not been on SR for too long but I can say this for sure, this is a place where you can feel at ease, you will never be judged here--but you might be challenged to devise a plan and a roadmap for recovery though!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Kevin,
I do think you should be proud of your 17 days sober. Try to not worry about what other people are thinking about you. Focus on your recovery and your family will see the changes in you. Most important, is that you recognize the changes in yourself and your self-esteem will slowly grow.
I do think you should be proud of your 17 days sober. Try to not worry about what other people are thinking about you. Focus on your recovery and your family will see the changes in you. Most important, is that you recognize the changes in yourself and your self-esteem will slowly grow.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I think volunteering somewhere is a great idea.
It'll get you out of the house and out of 'yourself' and do good for others. And be proud of your sober time. Every day sober is a victory.
It'll get you out of the house and out of 'yourself' and do good for others. And be proud of your sober time. Every day sober is a victory. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Kevin, you should listen to these folks (and your family and friends). Seventeen days is huge—heck, one day is huge if it''s the start of a real commitment to sobriety! Give yourself some time. It took 16 years to get here; You should allow yourself more than a couple of weeks to turn it all around.
By focusing on your sobriety, you're laying the foundation for the rest of your life. I'd say that's pretty darn important, and worth keeping as your No. 1 priority. If you feel like working, then go for it. If you think you should wait, that's OK too.
It's a marathon, my friend, not a sprint. Pace yourself, one day at a time.
By focusing on your sobriety, you're laying the foundation for the rest of your life. I'd say that's pretty darn important, and worth keeping as your No. 1 priority. If you feel like working, then go for it. If you think you should wait, that's OK too.
It's a marathon, my friend, not a sprint. Pace yourself, one day at a time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
There's so great advice here Kevin.
It's natural to want to start afresh and erase the shame and embarrassments of the past in one stroke but it's just not possible.
My advice is to focus on today - the past is gone, but today is a day you can still do something about.
Focus on your sobriety, work hard at it, and you will start to get your life and reputation back in order
D
It's natural to want to start afresh and erase the shame and embarrassments of the past in one stroke but it's just not possible.
My advice is to focus on today - the past is gone, but today is a day you can still do something about.
Focus on your sobriety, work hard at it, and you will start to get your life and reputation back in order
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Work on letting your shame and self-pity go. Work on eliminating them since they are useless and they can be self-perpetuating. Then simply focus on doing the next right thing. Also, work on being gratitude.
It is simple as that, albeit difficult. At least it was difficult for me. I had (and still occasionally do) a real difficult time of learning how to let things go. I could hold to the most littlest thing, in a such unhealthy manner.
Here are a few good articles on overcoming self-pity.
How to Overcome Self-Pity and Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Reading Addiction » Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself and Overcome Self Pity – A Step By Step Guide
It is simple as that, albeit difficult. At least it was difficult for me. I had (and still occasionally do) a real difficult time of learning how to let things go. I could hold to the most littlest thing, in a such unhealthy manner.
Here are a few good articles on overcoming self-pity.
How to Overcome Self-Pity and Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Reading Addiction » Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself and Overcome Self Pity – A Step By Step Guide
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
Hi Kevin, let me chime in: 17 days IS a strong foundation! Great job.
and great links from AntiD - I think shame is something most alcoholics have to face in early recovery - I am for sure!
Calling that Alcohol Advice line sounds like a good idea,too. Have you checked and tried AA? It's really strengthening my sobriety and the steps are helping me deal with my shame.
Keep trodding along the path you are on - the answers (and the job) will surely be along it.
vee
and great links from AntiD - I think shame is something most alcoholics have to face in early recovery - I am for sure!
Calling that Alcohol Advice line sounds like a good idea,too. Have you checked and tried AA? It's really strengthening my sobriety and the steps are helping me deal with my shame.
Keep trodding along the path you are on - the answers (and the job) will surely be along it.
vee
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