Feeling terribly guilty for being such a horrible role model
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 92
Feeling terribly guilty for being such a horrible role model
Today was sober day 17 and I'm nearing day 18. *****! I feel physically and mentally better than I have in years! Not to say that I haven't had the urge that comes from nowhere that says 'boy a glass of wine would taste great'. But I am learning (with the help of all of you) how to get thru these episodes.
So, my son went snowboarding with his buddy and mom today (since they had the day off) and got home around dinner time. When he got home, I was working in my basement and office. He had a horrible look when he came downstairs and went directly in my office. When he came out he asked, "Have you been drinking and smoking down here?" I told him 'no'. And he asked, "you sure?" I said, "no, honey I haven't." He had the most worried look on his face. Unfortunately he saw me way too many times working in my office (or trying to work) with a bottle of wine and my smokes. He would always ask me to 'please come upstairs, mom' but I always told him I had to finish my work. Truth is... I just wanted to be alone with my bottle.
UGGHHHH!!
Sure wish I could turn back the clock and fix those evenings but I can't. I can only work towards staying sober and being the type of role model my son deserves.
So, my son went snowboarding with his buddy and mom today (since they had the day off) and got home around dinner time. When he got home, I was working in my basement and office. He had a horrible look when he came downstairs and went directly in my office. When he came out he asked, "Have you been drinking and smoking down here?" I told him 'no'. And he asked, "you sure?" I said, "no, honey I haven't." He had the most worried look on his face. Unfortunately he saw me way too many times working in my office (or trying to work) with a bottle of wine and my smokes. He would always ask me to 'please come upstairs, mom' but I always told him I had to finish my work. Truth is... I just wanted to be alone with my bottle.
UGGHHHH!!
Sure wish I could turn back the clock and fix those evenings but I can't. I can only work towards staying sober and being the type of role model my son deserves.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I don't have kids, but yeah it's hard to look back at all those times I let folks down.
But it was what it was - and I figure I had to go through that to get to here...
it's been a miraculous and amazing journey of recovery and growth...and 'here' is pretty special
D
But it was what it was - and I figure I had to go through that to get to here...
it's been a miraculous and amazing journey of recovery and growth...and 'here' is pretty special
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Oh gosh, I know that feeling, and it's so disturbing, isn't it! But, you are absolutely right that you can't go back and fix things. Use the feeling to help you stay focused on your recovery and let your son see the positive changes in you.
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Congratulations on your sober time!
about your son and the rough time tonight talking with him. I'm not immune to regret, but you are absolutely right, you can only work towards staying sober/the future. I find it helps me to focus on what's ahead and how all the changes I've made since I've gotten sober have been improving my life and will continue to improve it.
You mention feeling physically and mentally so much better than in years -- excellent! Glad to hear it.
about your son and the rough time tonight talking with him. I'm not immune to regret, but you are absolutely right, you can only work towards staying sober/the future. I find it helps me to focus on what's ahead and how all the changes I've made since I've gotten sober have been improving my life and will continue to improve it. You mention feeling physically and mentally so much better than in years -- excellent! Glad to hear it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
Stay strong. Beat this and you'll be his hero.
It's hard to be in an area where you did your "thing" and expect not to have those feelings of wanting to do it again. Maybe you can change the room around, brighten it up, or even change rooms. The area itself may be a trigger. Think it out.
Spend time with your child. My Dad, never abused anything, was around but never spent time with me. It is probably one of many things that contributed to my situation. By the time I was 13-14 I gave up on him and went my own way. Don't let that happen.
It's hard to be in an area where you did your "thing" and expect not to have those feelings of wanting to do it again. Maybe you can change the room around, brighten it up, or even change rooms. The area itself may be a trigger. Think it out.
Spend time with your child. My Dad, never abused anything, was around but never spent time with me. It is probably one of many things that contributed to my situation. By the time I was 13-14 I gave up on him and went my own way. Don't let that happen.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Sure wish I could turn back the clock and fix those evenings but I can't. I can only work towards staying sober and being the type of role model my son deserves.
Two of my daughters are proud of me and trust me again... the other two like to drag up my past and hit me over the head with it...
I just have to let it go and work on being my best today cause that's all I've got. Anyway, the dogs are perfectly happy with the New Me! Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Congratulations on your day 18!!
Unfortunately we can't turn back time...but we can look foward to not being that person anymore.
And we can finally be the parent and role models we were meant to be.
Maybe you can set up a little 'work station' in your space for your son to have. So he can go down there and work (school work) by you and feel he can go down there w/out the feelings of being anxious, worried and concerned.
He can see how serious you are about being sober.
You can be a role model in the sense of showing him that just because you fall, doesn't mean you stay down.
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom"
Good luck to you and your son! =)
Unfortunately we can't turn back time...but we can look foward to not being that person anymore.
And we can finally be the parent and role models we were meant to be.
Maybe you can set up a little 'work station' in your space for your son to have. So he can go down there and work (school work) by you and feel he can go down there w/out the feelings of being anxious, worried and concerned.
He can see how serious you are about being sober.
You can be a role model in the sense of showing him that just because you fall, doesn't mean you stay down.
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom"
Good luck to you and your son! =)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 92
[QUOTE=EntreNous;2834597]Stay strong. Beat this and you'll be his hero.
It's hard to be in an area where you did your "thing" and expect not to have those feelings of wanting to do it again.
You ar so right ... it took me 17 days to go downstairs to work.
Spend time with your child. Definitely! Sober time.
Thank you for your thoughts.
It's hard to be in an area where you did your "thing" and expect not to have those feelings of wanting to do it again.
You ar so right ... it took me 17 days to go downstairs to work.
Spend time with your child. Definitely! Sober time.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by simplyfab 
maybe you can set up a little 'work station' in your space for your son to have. So he can go down there and work (school work) by you and feel he can go down there w/out the feelings of being anxious, worried and concerned. =)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: iowa
Posts: 4
can't change the past or where we have all been. what's important now is where we are going. that we all can do something about. i don't have kids, but i know how happy i have made my mother since i am now an alcoholic in recovery.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I'm guilty of that one.
The only thing I can say, is that now I do it better. Can't take back the past. The only thing I can do is make the present the very best I can. Workin' my butt of to do that one.
You son will 'get it'. He's lucky (and so are you) you're getting sober now.
The only thing I can say, is that now I do it better. Can't take back the past. The only thing I can do is make the present the very best I can. Workin' my butt of to do that one.
You son will 'get it'. He's lucky (and so are you) you're getting sober now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Springfield, TN
Posts: 75
Congrats on your days sober.
I am a Mom who has only 140 sober days under my belt and my daughter has seen more than her share of her Mom drinking wine. too much wine. I know that my biggest regrets are the wasted (no pun intended) days, time...
I, too, had horrible post partum and after I stopped nursing, we both went on the bottle...
All i can do is go forward, work on recovery and know that this is where I am. Mommy guilt and all...
Hang in there and know that there is a lot of support here...
MM
I am a Mom who has only 140 sober days under my belt and my daughter has seen more than her share of her Mom drinking wine. too much wine. I know that my biggest regrets are the wasted (no pun intended) days, time...
I, too, had horrible post partum and after I stopped nursing, we both went on the bottle...
All i can do is go forward, work on recovery and know that this is where I am. Mommy guilt and all...
Hang in there and know that there is a lot of support here...
MM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 429
I think it's great that he isn't afraid to ask you about it. It shows that he hasn't given up on you. He might be unsure of things right now, but it sounds like he's just waiting to let himself be proud of you when things are on more solid ground. You're being a great role model now by showing him that people can get back up and work on themselves. Great job, and congrats on your sober time!
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