loveon2legs

Hi everyone! Just a bit of a background on me, I'm almost a year sober..and feeling great in my recovery...my boyfriend of 4 years continues to drink and is back smoking pot...I've told him how this is upsetting me...Friday was his birthday I took him out for dinner,he drank, then he went over to these peoples place that are hardcore drinkers and had a few there....the next day I told him how upset I was and he blames me for ruining his birthday weekend!! we were supposed to go out with his mom for dinner (I don't care for this woman) but I backed out because I was so mad and was not going to sit there and listen to her praise him! I am so mad, it's the same old same old, he says he's going to quit and does the opposite...words...are so empty... I feel I deserve better, but leaving just scares me....I guess I need to be strong...once a fighter always a fighter!!

Any thoughts would be appreciated... thanks so much

barb dwyer

SOunds to me like you've grown and he's remained the same.

So - what's the plan?
Or is this a vent?

Need to know where I'm sitting.

loveon2legs

Hi Barb, thanks for your reply

I'm sitting on the fence, and I hate that feeling..I know I should leave I just get scared thinking of doing it all on my own...although I do for the most part now...I've always stayed in relationships longer than I should, and I don't want to repeat this again...I looked on line this morning for apartments....so I guess this is a start...if I had the money right now, I probably would leave...I just dont want to stay stuck in something that is going no where, and that I feel like Im bitching all the time!! so.....what to do......

barb dwyer

ok then, it sounds like the FIRST thing is to squirrel away as much $ as possible.

ok. first thing handled.

see how much happens on SR?

second thing -
it needs to become a plan.

there's the 'meanwhile' part of the plan.

for example:

"meanwhile" I save as much money as I can
"meanwhile" I keep MYSELF clean and sober doing whatever it takes.

that kind of thing.

I call that 'the next right thing'.

And sometimes it all piles up
and I cna't figure it out.
So I havfe to just reach out and
the first thing I find...
is what I do.

COuld be as big as moving out.
Or could be as mundane as doing the dishes.

The point is -
it sounds like you're moving ahead
and he's not.

Good for you! You're moving ahead!
That's something to hold onto
while the next thing...emerges.

wicked

This is great love, baby steps, you don't have to commit to anything this second.

This thought is telling you something. You would be gone if you had the money.
Try putting a little away at a time. Do you have any friends or family that could help?
Consider all options.

It took me awhile to get it too, love. Nearly two years. We have children together, I got sober, he didnt. Then, he started using crack. I put up with that for awhile too, it was awful, my mother in law (who i was staying with) would say we werent communicating! Yeah, I became supercop bitch, and it wore me out.
I am actually a very nice, understanding compassionate person in real life, in alcohol life I became someone I didnt like very much.

have you been to AlAnon? coming to this forum is great.
start small and build your own life.
you can do it.
you have been sober for almost a year.
a miracle in progress.
lets get away from the triggers.

beth
also recovering alcoholic

iloveme

Be good to yourself! Don't expect too much! Just stay sober!

loveon2legs

Wonderful ladies...thank-you sooooo much for your support.... I am going to start putting some money away....today! good first plan! and yes staying sober its a first and foremost thing...it is a trigger and I can't do this for my own health and sanity...if he is not willing to move forward... I will... on my own... I'm just going to start detaching from his alcohol/drug stuff....not let it get to me....then one day...I will chalk this up as yet another learning curve!!