QUACKERs....
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
"Just give me time! I'll prove to you that I can change!" (I think after 40 years of marriage, I know what to expect from him!) "Just tell me, when I start acting like that again!" (I've been telling him......he's just NOT been listening!)
Love and Peace,
Phoenix
Love and Peace,
Phoenix
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 70
'I stopped drinking and can do detox on my own, I don't need a program... see how much better I am... look no shakes...' All the while he is still buying booze (he doesn't know I can still access his account and see exactly what he buys)...
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
"You need to be more forceful when I drink, maybe remind me how sick I feel the next morning?"
"You don't realize how much influence you have over me, you could really get me to stop."
"I know that you said it's my decision to drink, and the most you can do is remind me how I really shouldn't drink, but you're not reminding me enough."
"You made a fool of me! I didn't drink at all today until you did <xyz>! Now look what you've done!"
Everything was always about him, wasn't it? My whole life was supposed to be about him, if he got his way, he was always complaining I wasn't "helping enough".
Then there's these:
"I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have to go to AA! I'm not going to be a 'meeting person'!"
"I'd stop drinking today, but I need to slowly wean myself down, because stopping drinking right away can kill a person!"
"I'm just going to take a sip now, so I don't shake, and I haven't had any yet all day!" (That is, of course, ignoring the half pint he'd polish off between 2am and 4am).
"I didn't drink all day yesterday, so I'm going to have just a small sip now, before I throw out this bottle."
"You don't realize how much influence you have over me, you could really get me to stop."
"I know that you said it's my decision to drink, and the most you can do is remind me how I really shouldn't drink, but you're not reminding me enough."
"You made a fool of me! I didn't drink at all today until you did <xyz>! Now look what you've done!"
Everything was always about him, wasn't it? My whole life was supposed to be about him, if he got his way, he was always complaining I wasn't "helping enough".
Then there's these:
"I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have to go to AA! I'm not going to be a 'meeting person'!"
"I'd stop drinking today, but I need to slowly wean myself down, because stopping drinking right away can kill a person!"
"I'm just going to take a sip now, so I don't shake, and I haven't had any yet all day!" (That is, of course, ignoring the half pint he'd polish off between 2am and 4am).
"I didn't drink all day yesterday, so I'm going to have just a small sip now, before I throw out this bottle."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Best one for me was when I was told that it was a "man thing" that he couldn't remember all of the bad things he said to me while drunk....According to him, men don't remember these kinds of things so I would have to keep reminding him why I threw him out of the house......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
My lawyer in our divorce case to XAH's GF: Has there ever been a time since X moved in with you that he hasn't lived in your home?
GF: Yeah. For about a week. He relapsed in May and we thought it was best if he wasn't around me and my kids for a while.
Lawyer: So you kicked him out for a week in May for relapsing?
GF: Yeah. But I don't have a problem with him drinking. I have a problem with how he handles his stuff when he's drinking. Only he can say if he's an alcoholic, and he says he's not. That's why he didn't do his aftercare program. He's not like one of those people.
XAH to the judge in our divorce: I didn't lie. You didn't ask if I'd drank.
Judge: You said you hadn't had a drink since you did your in-patient program. Your GF just said she kicked you out for a week in May for relapsing. That was after your program in March.
XAH: Yeah. But I didn't lie. I just didn't say I drank and you didn't ask.
GF: Yeah. For about a week. He relapsed in May and we thought it was best if he wasn't around me and my kids for a while.
Lawyer: So you kicked him out for a week in May for relapsing?
GF: Yeah. But I don't have a problem with him drinking. I have a problem with how he handles his stuff when he's drinking. Only he can say if he's an alcoholic, and he says he's not. That's why he didn't do his aftercare program. He's not like one of those people.
XAH to the judge in our divorce: I didn't lie. You didn't ask if I'd drank.
Judge: You said you hadn't had a drink since you did your in-patient program. Your GF just said she kicked you out for a week in May for relapsing. That was after your program in March.
XAH: Yeah. But I didn't lie. I just didn't say I drank and you didn't ask.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
In the beginning of our relationship: We had arguments every night [I]after[/I dinner and a few drinks or just before dinner so he could out and drink - the next day he would always apologize for getting angry and reverse whatever he said. Not being around an A before I assumed he was either tired or always needed time to think. ( He always got up exceptionally early and had reflection time in which he would think things through and change his mind. And go back to bed for another hour)
When I realized his drinking was the problem - I got answers right out of the book - " I am not an A, I just drink too much sometimes" (and sometimes I don't drink as much) "I am not an A, I can stop anytime I want to" (I just don't see why I have to), " I will stop today and you will see that I am not an A" (oh no you mean I have to stop for more than one day? but I didn't have a drink all day) "No one else sees it as a problem - you are the only one" (the people at the bar never see it as a problem and see the complaining spouse is)
Then there was the "off topic" reasons like: "I drink b/c I am anxious all the time - I had a rough childhood" (50 years later I would think you could get over some stuff and so did I but I don't drink) "I drink b/c it calms me down - it controls my anger" ( I never saw that connection), "I drink b/c you are always angry"( I wasn't angry - I was tired from having to do everything myself and afraid of what might happen to him), " I drink b/c the kids are always around - don't they have lives to live - why can't i have some time for myself" (funny the kids often stayed at their friends homes until he went to sleep and they would meet me for dinner when he went out)
Finally the ones while working on sobriety: "I am sorry it won't happen again", " I can change when I have bought into something I just need time to buy into it", " It is really hard - like trying to stop a train - give me time and I will get there", " I know I have said this many times but I really mean it this time", " Running always takes care of it- you just have to let me do it", " Meditation always takes care of it but I need time" "Yoga really works for me so I have to buy some equipment", " I just need to go to church but you don't like getting up in the morning", "I don't need AA, counseling, anyone to tell me what to do or to read about A, rel or parenting - I don't have those problems - it is just the drinking and I can handle that"
The ones that warned me he had stopped trying: " You see, it is your fault that I drink - no wait - it is my choice and when you can stop blaming me for everything -then maybe I will choose not to drink" (I believe he was blaming me for something at the time) or "Stop blaming me for being an A - we can never move forward as long you keep reminding me - just b/c it is true doesn't mean you have to say so" ( He was the one always complaining that this or that which never happened b/c - well we all know why) or " You are never going to forgive me so why bother." ( I always did forgive - I think he had a problem forgiving himself) "Your SIL and DIL are A's but you never call them that -why is that?" ( I didn't call anyone an A - he did - and my SIL and DIL got sober and maintain it and move forward in their lives)
Wow! I think I had a lot to unload - thanks for the thread.
When I realized his drinking was the problem - I got answers right out of the book - " I am not an A, I just drink too much sometimes" (and sometimes I don't drink as much) "I am not an A, I can stop anytime I want to" (I just don't see why I have to), " I will stop today and you will see that I am not an A" (oh no you mean I have to stop for more than one day? but I didn't have a drink all day) "No one else sees it as a problem - you are the only one" (the people at the bar never see it as a problem and see the complaining spouse is)
Then there was the "off topic" reasons like: "I drink b/c I am anxious all the time - I had a rough childhood" (50 years later I would think you could get over some stuff and so did I but I don't drink) "I drink b/c it calms me down - it controls my anger" ( I never saw that connection), "I drink b/c you are always angry"( I wasn't angry - I was tired from having to do everything myself and afraid of what might happen to him), " I drink b/c the kids are always around - don't they have lives to live - why can't i have some time for myself" (funny the kids often stayed at their friends homes until he went to sleep and they would meet me for dinner when he went out)
Finally the ones while working on sobriety: "I am sorry it won't happen again", " I can change when I have bought into something I just need time to buy into it", " It is really hard - like trying to stop a train - give me time and I will get there", " I know I have said this many times but I really mean it this time", " Running always takes care of it- you just have to let me do it", " Meditation always takes care of it but I need time" "Yoga really works for me so I have to buy some equipment", " I just need to go to church but you don't like getting up in the morning", "I don't need AA, counseling, anyone to tell me what to do or to read about A, rel or parenting - I don't have those problems - it is just the drinking and I can handle that"
The ones that warned me he had stopped trying: " You see, it is your fault that I drink - no wait - it is my choice and when you can stop blaming me for everything -then maybe I will choose not to drink" (I believe he was blaming me for something at the time) or "Stop blaming me for being an A - we can never move forward as long you keep reminding me - just b/c it is true doesn't mean you have to say so" ( He was the one always complaining that this or that which never happened b/c - well we all know why) or " You are never going to forgive me so why bother." ( I always did forgive - I think he had a problem forgiving himself) "Your SIL and DIL are A's but you never call them that -why is that?" ( I didn't call anyone an A - he did - and my SIL and DIL got sober and maintain it and move forward in their lives)
Wow! I think I had a lot to unload - thanks for the thread.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Oh, there's so many of them. One of my all-time favorites is "I'm the honest one in the relationship, what I say when I'm drinking is the most truthful thing you'll hear from me".
The latest was last night, now keep in mind he is unwillingly sober, as there is NO money, the little bit of money that I scrounged up went to food for us all.
He said "I'm out of aquarium salt, i'll have to pick some up on payday" . I reminded him that he has bills to pay first, in particular the electricity bill as a "disconnection notice" came in the mail the other day.
I get " well maybe you should get a job, then I could spend all my money on stuff for me" Huh, that's a shocker, because he already has been spending all of his money on stuff for him. Which is why all of the bills are late
I posted about the one where he complained about me reiterating the bill-paying boundary. He has NO time to pay them, according to him. I kept my mouth shut on what I thought about that part. but what I would've said is "you'd have plenty of time if you weren't spending it doing upkeep on the fish tanks, playing your video games, or getting drunk" Mostly, the 3 of those all go together.
The latest was last night, now keep in mind he is unwillingly sober, as there is NO money, the little bit of money that I scrounged up went to food for us all.
He said "I'm out of aquarium salt, i'll have to pick some up on payday" . I reminded him that he has bills to pay first, in particular the electricity bill as a "disconnection notice" came in the mail the other day.
I get " well maybe you should get a job, then I could spend all my money on stuff for me" Huh, that's a shocker, because he already has been spending all of his money on stuff for him. Which is why all of the bills are late
I posted about the one where he complained about me reiterating the bill-paying boundary. He has NO time to pay them, according to him. I kept my mouth shut on what I thought about that part. but what I would've said is "you'd have plenty of time if you weren't spending it doing upkeep on the fish tanks, playing your video games, or getting drunk" Mostly, the 3 of those all go together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 115
After our teen son told his dad that he thought that things might get better if he would stop drinking. AH roars "Who told you I drink?" Confused son says "No one I just know."
AH tells me that his buddy thinks I am a b**ch for asking him not to drink and asking him to go to AA. Ummm yea your buddy is an alcoholic too.
AH tells me that his buddy thinks I am a b**ch for asking him not to drink and asking him to go to AA. Ummm yea your buddy is an alcoholic too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Him: "I quit drinking when you said you had a problem!" (I didn't ask him to, he said he would...but didn't)
Me: "But you DIDN'T quit!"
Long pause...
Him: "Well...I cut back!"
HAHAHAHAHA!
Him: "I don't need to drink. I can do whatever I want. I don't need it.
Me: "You started up just as regular when I left."
Him: "Yah, well, I can do whatever I want and you weren't there!"
Him: "I'll do anything you want! I never said I wouldn't go to therapy! Just come home!"
Me (months later): "Okay, will you go to a counselor that specializes in addiction issues?"
Him: "Hell, no! "
Me: "You said you'd go to therapy."
Him: "I said I'd go to therapy WITH you, but since you're not here...I never said I'd go to a therapist alone!"
Me: "Don't you remember saying you'd do anything I want?"
Him: "No!"
Therapist: "Your wife says there are some things you have trouble talking about. Is there anything you feel uncomfortable talking about?"
Him: "Nope."
Therapist: "So there is...NOTHING you feel uncomfortable about?"
Him: "No, nothing."
Me (later): "You were full of it. Why would I go to therapy with you if you are just going to blow smoke?"
Him: "I so was not full of it...I don't remember exactly what I said...I'm not a big fat liar...well, if I said that, I was talking about my INTENT."
(Dear lord, help me!)
I could go on for days...
Me: "But you DIDN'T quit!"
Long pause...
Him: "Well...I cut back!"
HAHAHAHAHA!
Him: "I don't need to drink. I can do whatever I want. I don't need it.
Me: "You started up just as regular when I left."
Him: "Yah, well, I can do whatever I want and you weren't there!"
Him: "I'll do anything you want! I never said I wouldn't go to therapy! Just come home!"
Me (months later): "Okay, will you go to a counselor that specializes in addiction issues?"
Him: "Hell, no! "
Me: "You said you'd go to therapy."
Him: "I said I'd go to therapy WITH you, but since you're not here...I never said I'd go to a therapist alone!"
Me: "Don't you remember saying you'd do anything I want?"
Him: "No!"
Therapist: "Your wife says there are some things you have trouble talking about. Is there anything you feel uncomfortable talking about?"
Him: "Nope."
Therapist: "So there is...NOTHING you feel uncomfortable about?"
Him: "No, nothing."
Me (later): "You were full of it. Why would I go to therapy with you if you are just going to blow smoke?"
Him: "I so was not full of it...I don't remember exactly what I said...I'm not a big fat liar...well, if I said that, I was talking about my INTENT."
(Dear lord, help me!)
I could go on for days...
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