lifeforme

Im so flippin torn here. In my heart I know what I need to do. But im scared. I have a bad back... maybe 2x a year it goes out and I get horrible spasms. I know its stressed related. As soon as I get upset, my back will get stiff. I was told by my Dr. to keep 800 ibuprophen and tramodol in the house at all times and take it if i needed it. So i HIDE the tramodol( not sure I spelled it right, i threw it out today so cant check bottle) count the pills and write on bottle how many are in there. Today im cleaning, come across bottle and count them. Sure enough 3 are missing. This drug was on AH's list of drugs to avoid when he got out of rehab. I suspect he took them to help deal with going through withdrawl, which he was going through I highly suspect on Monday. I text AH and tell him 3 of the pills are missing. Sure enough he calls me full of attitude. He didnt f'ing take them, i tell him I wasnt accusing him, just stating a fact. Ok heres what gets me sick... He says our SON probably took them! I told him there is no way he would take them. There is NO WAY my son would take them. He would have had to go into my bedroom and search for them. NO WAY! This to me just drives home how very very sick AH is. What I need to do is buy an at home drug test and have AH take it. This is something we agreed on when he was in rehab. I told him I would not go through this again. His counseler suggested the drug test, if AH refuses to take it it means he is using. If he is using he needs to leave the house and find a sober living house to live in. We both agreed to this. I wanted to get through Thanksgiving, then it was the Holidays. Well, now there is nothing left to get through. I just know that this is going to cause a crisis. AH is going to flip and make my life difficult. I'll have to deal with HIM and I dont want to. BUT i do want him out of this house. What should I do?

splendra

Oh (((((lifeforme))))) take care of you. Let him sit in his mess you don't have to clean it up.

Oh and please space out your posting to make more than one paragraph it is so much easier to read...

tbeit

The drug test is just a way to try to control an addict.You cant control an addict sorry lots have tried and few succeed.Do you go to meetings for your recovery? Maybe you should try that.You need a plan for your recovery you cant plan his thats his deal. I'm sorry you sound so upset but the sooner you realize that you are powerless over his addiction the sooner you'll have peace and serenity.

ThatLittleGirl

As has been said...you can't control whether your AH is using or not. I had a counselor tell me that drug testing is fruitless because there are so many ways around it if the person really wants to use. The only way to control the addict 100% is to lock them in a cell and keep your eye on them 24/7. At that point, who becomes the prisoner? The same with drug testing...there are all sorts of reasons for false positives...drugs that tests won't pick up...etc. You will become a prisoner second guessing the results whether they are positive or negative...take it from someone who has lots of experience in that arena!

And suppose you get a positive...then what? Will you really feel any less guilty for kicking him out? Will there be less of a crisis then? Probably not. That's the thing about addiction/codependency, you might as well throw logic right out the door. I have always felt when my intuition tells me something, listen to it...and I've always be proven right eventually. Arguing with an addict is a fruitless endeavor that will only make you feel drained, frustrated and confused in the end. Trust your instincts...and do what's best for you and your son!!!

I wish you all the best...

lifeforme

i had a bad day! The thing that hurt me so much wasnt that the pills were missing. It was AH saying our son probably took them. My heart hurts, not for AH, but for my son. Absolutly horrible.

I have been to meetings. I need to make getting there my #1 priority. Its difficult, but do-able since I only have a few hours during the day when I can go. Im also going to start individual counseling.

I wish he would leave the house. There was a sense of peace when he was in rehab. I was going to buy the drug test tonight. Decided not to. Im so glad tomorrow is a fresh new day. Thank you for the support, it means alot to me.