lifeforme

Ive been trying to make positive changes for ME. I've also been trying to LIVE my life. Taking care of me. Choosing my words wisely. My first reaction is to be sarcastic. I'm trying to put the smart a$$ away. Reading alano/naranon lit. Is AH using today? I have no idea. I'm working hard to stop obsessing. I do know that he is not working his program. Im not being mean to him in anyway. Yet, for the past few days he has been trying his hardest to start a fight with me. In the past I would bite, and a huge fight would break out. He's going around calling himself the "outcast" of the family. Saying no one loves him. is this normal? Tonight he made it a point to tell our 6 year old that mommy doesnt like him. I asked him if i had done or said anything to upset him. He said no and went to bed. What gives?

suki44883

Yes, he is exhibiting normal addict behavior. He's doing what addicts do. Continue to detach and don't let his pity party affect you. It's hard when they don't play fair and use the children to get to you, but you can always talk to your child about things so he/she doesn't feel caught in the middle.

2manyears

It sounds like you're doing the work to get yourself to a better place, so keep that up! It's hard sometimes, addictions and use involve a lot of pain. The arguing has always made me feel awful. I've gotten myself to a place before where I was OK through everything through being diligent and mindful of myself through the days. Working on getting there again.

MsPINKAcres

sounds very familiar of my ex ah's behaviors - in reading and understanding the disease of alcoholism/addiction what i found out was that he was trying to feed that "whole in his soul" - that low self-esteem that needed to hear he was not a bad person, that he was ok, that he wasn't as bad as someone else -

he would either do it this way or either he would put me down to lift himself up - it was just the frame of mind he happened to be in -

Thru my own recovery in Al-Anon, I learned no matter what I did - it didn't help him or fix him - he was still empty inside and still found a reason to use/drink.

Like you said - probably the best thing you can do is to keep taking care of YOU and be the healthiest person you can be for you!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

ThatLittleGirl

I think some of his actions may come from a desire to know you still care. The opposite of love isn't hate...it's not caring at all, one way or the other. If you're detaching, he may be trying to exact a reaction...any reaction good or bad...to let him know you care...that he hasn't lost all control over you and your emotions. It sounds like in the past you reacted negatively and big fights ensued...believe it or not, there's some security in the fighting for him...there's merit in the saying, "there's a fine line between love and hate". A fight keeps you engaged with him.

It sounds like you're setting healthy boundaries...and that's a good thing. Keep up the good work and don't let him goad you into his chaos with an argument...that's a lose, lose all the way around...especially for the children. Good luck!