beautifulgirl

My husband left today. The basic fact is that he is an addict and he is not ready to stop.
Part of me feels relief and part of me feels deep sadness.
I did not give him any money. He was mad about that but I would have been stupid to give him money to spend on drugs.
I made the choice to protect my children. I let him go. I let him walk out the door. I love him, I hope he finds his way, and I hope he stays safe.
I start anew today. I have my children and they have me. I feel sad but I will find a way.
I wish I could fast forward just to see what the future would hold but I can't so I just hold onto the thought that the man upstairs made me wiser and this will help me have a better life for myself and for my children.

suki44883

I know how hard it is, but you did the right thing. You can now take care of yourself and your children. He'll either "get it" or he won't. It doesn't mean we don't love them, it just means we accept that they will do what they will do, and we have other responsibilities. Hang in there.

tjp613

Beautifulgirl, I am so proud of you. You are doing this very hard thing for your children and yourself. You are an inspiration.

Please let us know how we can support you. We'll do our best. (((((Hugs)))))

Dignity

Hello Beautiful Girl~ That took courage to let him walk out the door. Its hard to turn our backs on addicted family members but you can now take care of yourself and your beautiful children.

Dignity

and I'm with you with "the fast forward" look at what life will bring a year from now.

steve1840

i was just about to post a similar thread. i let her go yesterday in a way i have not done before. the times i did it before i was not confident in my decision. this time i am. and it is a mixed emotion. on the one hand i feel relief and freedom. on the other i feel sad. i understand when people say its her choice. and to a large degree i agree. but, i also beleive addicts are slaves to their addiction and they dont have total choice becasue the disease of addiction makes the choice for them. being a slave to addiction saddens me, but them being stuck saddens me more. i believe most addicts do want to stop to a degree, just like cigarette smokers always say they want to stop, or people with bad eating habits want ot eat better, but many people do not have that certain thing inside that allows them to take control of their lives. i picture her back out on the streets and it is sad, but i know she will do the best she can to get by and stay safe. i picture myself stuck in the rut and that too is sad, but i am trying to look forward to keeping my peace.

i am a bit scared about getting the call or the knock on the door and hope i stay strong. i hope you stay strong too and sorry to hijack this thread.

beautifulgirl

Thank you all. I consider myself blessed at this point. My kids are safe, so am I, I have sooooooo fewer problems to worry about, and this is the big one; I lost 220 lbs. in one day, haha.

wicked

Mine weighed 220 too!
What a great job you are doing.
You sound so calm and at ease.
Wonderful.

And yes, anytime you need support you know where we are.

Beth

steve1840

ha- it took me a second to get that! it is sooooo nice to not have that worry lingering every minute. only by stepping out of it can i see how in it i was. i am soooo glad to at least focus my energies on the things i like. i have not hung out in my chill room in about 7 months. i cant wait to relax there again and maybe dabble in my watercolors again.

i'm glad to have read that you are at this place, it is good to feel that i am at the same point as someone else. and i too want to see into the future. i know i'll be ok, but i want to know if she'll make it.

beautifulgirl

Beth, I am a little surprised that I am here alone and I am not balling but I think I am really taking consulation in the fact that I do not have to worry anymore. That alone makes it so much better.

Caryn

FGB

I'm so proud of you! Woo Hoo You!! Hugs, FGB

Onewithwings

That is hard. I almost left my husband during my addiction. I knew that if I did not get help, one of us would have to go, and I would also never see my son again. I took the plunge, for their sake at first, but now I am staying clean for me. I wish your story could have been similar, but if he is not ready to stop, then you did the right thing by letting him go. Good luck!

tjp613

Yes, making the decision is so very hard...but once it is made then you can at least get on with the business of living. Congratulations for taking charge of your own life in this powerful way. ((Hugs))

tam

beautiful girl..I send you a huge hug!! I know how difficult that decision was,but its for the best for you and your children. Its been a year for me and I am seeing myself more and more as ME than I ever did before, you will see that too. I am thankful for my friends on this forum, my family and coworkers for their support so make sure you continue with support.
we are here for you!

btw..mine weighed 195 but with the stress and drama it felt like a ton

coffeedrinker

beautifulgirl


:day6

as the glinda the good witch once said,

you have had the power right with you all along

Kindeyes

beautifulgirl
Tough tough decision. And hard to let them go. He's in God's hands. And so are you and your children. Yes.....you are starting anew. Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life.
gentle hugs

newnormal4me

You sound so strong... I truly wish you and your children the best, and that your AH finds his way somehow. Take care.

ThatLittleGirl

I am so happy for you...that you are finding some peace in all this! It is a new journey...and I wish you and your children the best as you start this new chapter in your lives! And while you may wish to fast forward through the pain, know that therein lies a lot of healing. In the words of Robert Frost, "the best way out is always through". In the middle of the pain is where much learning and growing occurs...and it's through the heat and the pressure and the pain...that we are honed into even stronger people...with more compassion and appreciation in our hearts.

I wish you all the best!!!!

MissTara

Beautiful,

I had just posted a post a few minutes and I said..."if I knew then how much better things would be without my addict, I would not have stayed so long." And now I read that you wish you knew what your future held in that respect. You will be ok, time really does heal, work your program and your steps, maybe try to find a meeting near you. It really is greener on this side.