Kassie2

Ran into an old friend today which initially felt great! We did a walk down memory lane briefly. I left realizing that I was at the same place when we last saw each other 10 years ago. I became sad to think that I am in the same place. Back then I was going through a divorce and today I am going through another one.

I am posting because I have a host of feelings and wondered if others here could relate. This person was always quite formal with others but not me - he would often step out of his comfort zone to make me feel better. A collegue of his told me how much he respected and admired the kind of person I was. But I don't feel that way about myself.

I know I am not the same as I was then, but it makes me stop to wonder about my choices and my thoughts about myself. I know I am learning all the time but just feel trapped in a life that I didn't want - feeling less about myself than I thought possible - and wondering why it feels so awful to leave a bad situation.

Shellcrusher

While not exactly the same, I do get feelings like that.
Sometimes the best I can muster is there will always be tomorrow. Maybe it will look different.

kiki5711

sometimes people from our past bring us right back to that moment even if it was 20 yrs ago.

It's kind of a good thing that you saw your friend. You reflected on your life and now can move on again.

lillamy

Leaving a bad situation now is the healthy choice you have made for yourself. Leaving a bad situation ten years ago was the healthy choice you made for yourself then. You are not in the same place. You're moving forward to a healthier life. Just as you did back then. And it sounds like you know this intellectually, even if you're not feeling it. (Feelings are feelings are feelings. You don't have to base your decisions or self-value on them. I often wave at them and tell them to go stuff it.)

Having made unhealthy choices in the past doesn't mean you're a bad person, and neither does the fact that you're now choosing a healthier path.

When I was in the worst phase of my divorce, someone told me that during WWII, Winston Churchill told the British people to think of the future -- to picture what they would be doing once the war was won and they could rebuild their lives again... what were their dreams? plans? ideas? Sometimes, my friend said, in the middle of the battle, you have to remind yourself of why you are fighting this war, and what you want to happen once it is over.

I don't know if that helps you -- but it helped me, then, to remember that this place I was at, at that particular moment, wasn't my end destination. It was only like an airport where I had a temporary and very annoying and way too long and tiring layover on my way to the future I was creating for myself. And I didn't have to like the uncomfortable chairs or the way I felt smelly and dirty during the trip -- because it was all temporary: I was going somewhere, and I could start thinking of what I wanted to do when I got there instead.