Muggins

Hi All,

UK poster here. Im sure you wont hold that against me

Just found your wealth of information and potential support this evening, due to a current a obsticle I am up against! (I'll get there eventually.....)

Looking forward to this journey!
Where to start!?!
(I like my explaination marks btw!)

I'm doing this the hard way, am I not!

Im almost 34 y/o, Male.
Been smoking cigarettes since I was 15 y/o to date (Stopping in 8-10 days when my tablets kick in, along with the help of my partner, we are doing this together)
Smoked weed since 15 y/o till about 5 months ago, well over that now, was easy
Been drinking heavily every night since 21 y/o and in the process of kicking, which is where I need help!

Ill try and cut this looooong story short!

My start of drinking coincided with the birth of my first child, my beautiful daughter (whos now a huffy teenager! j/k) , although I do not beleive this is the reason at all I turned to alcohol, more the fact it was the time I got my 1st house and independance.
I also have a stresfull job I have held down since I was 18 y/o, mind many employers would have booted me by now the state I turn in on a Monday morning.... on the monday mornings I do turn in!!! Although I can't blame my job either. I blame me myself and I. Always been the life and soul of a party (at least I think I have!!)

I started off 8 cans of 5% lager a night.
Gradually progressed over the years till my height of last year or two. 2 bottles of minimum 14% red wine plus 2-4 cans of 5% lager, per night... on a week night! Drink to blackout weekends.
Couldn't ever have just a few. I always think through they day, while feeling rough, not tonight no chance, but on that drive home, demons take over! I always thought alcoholics drank from the moment they woke up till they went to bed. Seriously though. I'm a raging alcoholic! FACT!

I started cutting down back end of last year through the week, trying to get healthy, lots of excercise to burn off the years of the developing beer belly!

Just before christmas, after a boozy 48 hr stag doo in another city, I had an awful experience. 1st night of dry up I had what I beleive was a seizure. I say beleive as I was too afraid to go to docs.
This scared me ****less!
Made me come to my senses a bit? Well should have but the usual xmas festivities involved alcohol, although I must say a much lighter year than the previous 15!

So new year, new start! Time to end 15 years of **ssing my life away!
I decided this year I want to cut down to 1 day per week max (Always been 7 days a week before unless I was seriously too ill and I mean seriously, I would try and drink anything off even though I knew I would be worse for it next day).
My plan.... A Saturday only.

So my 1st question.....
Is this possible?? Am I going about this the wrong way??
Is it all or nothing? Is 1 day 1 day to many, realistically, if I want to see this thing through?
Advice greatly appreciated.
I really dont know how I could give it up all together? My thought is that 1 day will keep me sain and have a bit of a life. Is this just the alcoholic in me thinking this???

I know no real excuse but I work long hours and find it hard to attend meetings, although admitedly, have I ever looked in to them? Have I heck! But this place seems as good as any

So I stopped the cycle on the 4th Jan, my 1st day back at work in new year (Last Tuesday) and have had 1 night drink since, last Saturday as planned. (2 bottles wine) So I have stuck to my plan, see above! Same Question!!

Now, how I ended finding you peeps! Other than cravings & having to close my eyes and rush past the drink aisle in supermarket, thinking every night will I wont I. My main obstacle is insomnia. As I experienced before xmas on the odd day I had off winding down. I cant get to sleep! Once Im there I could stay asleep all day, I just struggle to get there in 1st place. However I got to rise at 6am for work and Im not getting to sleep till about 4-5am. I dont feel too bad but really want to sleep!

Been to docs today asking for something to help with insomnia but wasnt honest. I blamed my eczema. Got crappy antihistamines I know wont help, as I have tried the stronger ones before with no avail. We dont get same ones here in UK as States as far as my research finds.

Do I really need anything to help me sleep or am I trying to replace one evil with another? Should I ride this insomnia out? How long please?????

Anyway, thankyou for your patient ears! Took me so long to get this down I must go and try for some sleep again very soon for work tomorrow. Just took my 2 new antihistamines and off for a bath shortly. Will let you know if any better tomorrow evening.

On a brighter note, 6 days out of last 7 without a drop... CONFIDENCE IS HIGH

invisigoth

Welcome to SR I think you'll find this place immensely helpful and if you do stumble and fall off the wagon don't sweat it we've all done it just remember to pick yourself up and try try try again. so once again welcome to the board and cherry'O...as you Brits say. (not sure if I spelled that right)

Dee74

Hi Muggins

First the bad news...I tried for 20 years to drink 'like a gentleman'...that odd glass of wine at the end of the day...the Saturday night out with the lads...

never happened that way. Ever.

Looking back I have to ask myself - with all negatives alcohol bought into my life - why did I want to keep it in my life so badly?

I can't stop you from trying though - I hope you'll keep posting here anyway

As for the sleep....better news to share there - it's a common thing...I had a terrible 2 weeks or so....since then, I very rarely have trouble.

Welcome to the boards
D

Muggins

Thanks for the welcomes I quickly read before I trod off to my thing Im supposed to sleep in.

Its Cheery'o invisigoth but good effort

Your question Dee, why want to keep so bad, I just cant imagine a good night out without a drink at this point. Must to be the alcoholism
Thanks for the confidence boost with the sleeping, been reading 1 year plus on google searches!

Freyakitty

Welcome Muggins!

Good luck with your journey towards sobriety. I think you'll find as you peruse this site that many have attempted what you are in the hope that they can continue drinking without descending into the hell that made them swear that they were never drinking again. We've all been hung over and thought - That's it but then as soon as we start to feel better....well, I could just have one, couldn't I? Perhaps that's your alchoholic mind talking, tempting you back??? A quick thought for you - why do you want to drink 2 bottles of wine once a week? What is it that you are looking to achieve? Release? from what? I'm sure there are other more healthy ways to get what you are looking for especially given that you potentially had a seizure - that's pretty clear that your body is trying to tell something. But please keep posting and we're here to support you whatever you try!

least

Welcome to SR. I tried to drink 'just a little', or just one day a week. Never worked for me. I gave it up completely over a year ago and I don't miss it at all. I hope you can come to a satisfactory arrangement for yourself.

Impurrfect

(((Muggins))) - welcome to SR!!

Most alcoholics try the moderation thing, from what I've read (my "thing" is crack). Most of us, no matter what our DOC (drug of choice) is can't even begin to think of never doing it again.

I had to start with one day...today I won't use. The times I DID try the "moderation thing", I'd find myself starting to look forward to the next time I could use, as soon as I finished using. I got tired of basically being obsessed with "the next time".

I'm glad you're here. You're not alone

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

ISPYSOBRIETY

Welcome Muggins.

As far as drinking one day and taking five off, I would never say not to give it a try, so go for it. But with six days behind you, shooting for a seventh day is absolutely doable. If seven days are doable, you have quit a week. Everytime you finish drinking and go six days, you have quit alcohol. It's simply a matter of eliminating it all together.

My relationship with alcohol was the same, a working class guy, who's highlight was getting home at the end of the day to drink and drinking myself into oblivion on weekends. Waking up feeling like crap didn't matter on any day, by the time 5pm or so rolled around, I was ready for the same nightly ritual.

Negotiating with alcohol isn't something that would work for me, as I was an all or nothing sort of drinker. Going six days as a slave to the seventh, wouldn't work. I needed it gone and gone forever.

Managed drinking is for non-alcoholics who don't crave it daily. Those of us who crave it, have a problem and are always a drink away from heading to the store to get enough to drink until we pass out. That's why sleep isn't an issue when we drink. We're drink until we're about ready to pass out, then eat and the food is enough to release the endorphins, then we're out.

Getting back into a regular sleeping pattern will require going without alcohol for weeks, to retrain ourselves, but it does happen. I think it happened for me around a month and a half. Now, I get the better sleep than I have in the last 15 (my heaviest drinking) years.

You came to SR to get sober and to recover. Stick around doing whatever you decide, but seriously consider the possibility that you are ready for day seven, eight, nine, etc.

I quit smoking cigarettes about three years ago, using Chantix, but started puffing on cigars about a year ago or so... The puffing turned into inhaling, but I only smoke maybe one cigar a night. I don't mind for now as I will simply quit them after I hit a year of sobriety.

This has all gone so well for me. I am glad to be free, and available for my two kids, if they need me, morning, noon or night. I am free, and a whole lot better off financially!

Good luck to you. I have a feeling you will stop teasing yourself one day and just part ways with alcohol, once and for all.

Ghostly

Welcome Muggins!

To answer your questions:

It would be hard to moderate to one day a week. I doubt it will work for you. I actually know it won't but I'm trying to sound positive. Some people may be able to. People without alcohol issues can. For someone with your past it just won't last. No offense meant, I couldn't either.

Most people get over sleeping problems relatively soon. I have had sleeping issues all my life. I choose to take a prescription sleeping pill. I do not think that is replacing one evil for another. That is me and my decision. There is no comparison to me drinking for hours a day and getting really drunk to me taking a sleeping pill a couple hours before bed.

Good luck!

Hevyn

Muggins! Welcome! So glad you're here to share your journey with us. I have to agree with Dee - I tried everything to be able to drink socially and was never able to pull it off. I almost lost my life in the process. Oh, how I wanted to be able to have "a few" now and then. Surely it was just a matter of willpower?! I couldn't bring myself to say "never again".

I look back now and don't understand my twisted reasoning. When I had been made so miserable by it, when it had destroyed my life, why would I desperately cling to it? It wasn't something to love - it was something to hate and fear. I didn't know how to live without getting numb, and that was pathetic. I had convinced myself I needed it to live - but it was sucking the life out of me.

Whatever you decide, please keep talking to us. Be proud that you're taking a look at your life and deciding you need to make some serious changes. You can do this!

ReadyAndAble

Hello, Muggins. I love having British folk around; your accents make the site so much classier!

Like the others here, I made many attempts at moderating amounts/frequency, yet sooner or later, always ended up right back where I started.

If it helps, I imagined everything would be boring and pathetic without alcohol. I totally romanticized my drinking life: how could I miss out on all those wild Saturday nights at the pub?

Now I wouldn't trade a single sober night for those antics. Honestly, I look back at all those nights I spent drinking, and I realize they were virtually indistinguishable from one another. Life is soooo much more interesting and fun since I stepped off of that drunken treadmill, and started doing new and different things with my time and money.

Please keep reading and posting, whatever you decide!

artsoul

Welcome Muggins! I think a lot of us felt the same way about giving up our alcohol entirely. It's helpful to just take it one day at a time for a while, instead of thinking about "forever"......

If you give sobriety a good chance, you might find that it's not worth holding onto that "one day a week." You'd still be doing damage to your body/brain, and have three days recovery, just from that Saturday night (unless you just stick to one or two drinks, and most of us were never interested in that kind of drinking!)

Glad you're here and hope you stick around. We can't do it on our own - we all need support and this is a great place to get that!

Muggins

Hi all,

Thanks very much for all the responses and votes of confidence. So many to reply to it would be difficult to reply to them all! But thats good and I enjoyed reading them all.

1st off, had a bit better of a night last night.

Got this off my chest and took steps to admitting my problem.
Took my two Anti-histamines.
Red hot bath
Jumped into bed with nice clean sheets straight outa bath.
I think it only took about 2 hours or so last night to get over, so probably had 3 good hours sleep. Felt the difference today! Full of energy, talking at 200mph, passionate about what I was talking about (No, I didnt talk about my quitting, this is not a topic of discussin at work for obvious reasons!)
I have tried for over a year to get some sort of sleeping pill from my docs to help me escape alcohol, but I have seen 5 different docs now and they all refuse point blank. Even discourage me from trying herbal remedies such as nightol, although as I said, I have never been truthfull with any of the docs n told them it was alcohol, but dropped a few hints if u know what I mean. Like a weekend when I drink is the only time I get a good sleep, they obviously didnt pick up on them?!


A generalised reply to some of the questions put back to me, although I appreciate all your encouragement .
I did not make the decision to quit while hungover. I made it sober and clear headed. I have wanted to quit the habbit for years but you all know what its like, particularly that 1st night!

Maybe having a drink once a week is not the solution, I am trying to convince myself I can manage it, I do have a lot of will power when I put my mind to it. But the point made that just a few glasses is not what we are looking for is entirely true. Theres just no point, people like us, having a few. Its a waste of time, always had that opinion! I am not looking for something in the drink, I dont think, Im just looking for that one night a week when kids are away and I can treat my partner to a nice meal and bottle of wine. Like normal people and at the moment I find it hard to understand why I can't. But thats because I have never been sober for more that 2 days in a row for almost 14 years I guess.
Something I did notice, when I had a drink on Saturday, it wasnt the same. I didnt get the same buzz, prob coz my alcohol levels were so low? I certainly didn't enjoy as I normally would?
I just can't image, right now, that going out to the pub for a nice meal would be nealry enjoyable without the wine. The wine is what makes me chatty and feel, well, like im having a good time!

After doing a lot of reading on here last night, before getting the courage to sign up and post, I realise how lucky I am not having any major health issues thus far. I read people drinking for half the time I have, suffering horrific injuries as a consequence. I have never been hospitalised, worste I have had is stomach acid (Although I am sure I have rode out alcohol poisoning at home a few times!). I realise how lucky I am and have thought about this all day. This realisation is enough, I beleive, to stop me ever going back to my old ways. I hope.
I realise that I could have made a much worse mess.

What do I do??? lol. This Saturday, I might stick to my plan. Maybee I will take the majority of advice and give it a skip? I just find it so hard to imagine the rest of my life with no alcolhol!
Im just finding it so much easier to cope at the moment without a drink, knowing its not for ever if you know what I mean? That Saturday out seems to be whats driving me and keeping me focussed. I feel so determined.

However I have had a life experience I should maybe consider....
I understand what you mean with looking forward to the one day Amy. This was me 1st time I quit smoking weed n fags. This inevitably lead to me getting back on the fags (Smoking weed once a week). Speaking of which took my 1st Champix tablet this morning:

Oh my, 1 day at a time.
I just so look forward to the day when I look back! And feel the way you all do and think, wtf was I concened about, what was I thinking!

I think to summarise, Readyandable stumped on it.
The nights are indistinguishable from one another. Thats because I drink to feel normal.
So surely its just a matter of being sober for long enough that being sober is normal.
No differnt to smoking fags and weed in a way. The drive for me to quit these in the past is because soon as I put one out, I needed another, to feel normal. So they stopped making me feel normal as I was pounding one after another, but you never actually get there. Always searching! One solution. QUIT!

As I say, one day at a time. If I do give in to my original plan this Saturday, maybe I will not enjoy it as I didnt last week. Hopefully I am beginning to realise?

Ee, thanks all.

Ill hang around. Dont worry. Will have a read around a lot more and when I feel like I am qualified enough to give advice, will try my best to support others.

ps. Sorry that was so looooooooooong!

Kmber2010

Welcome Mug and you have our support.

Lots of good input here and I too agree that moderation/cutting back never worked for me and when I finally began living a better life....it was alcohol free. Like Dee said, why would I want it in my life?

You have a great vibe and I am looking forward to your journey.

CarolD

Please check out this link about sleeping problems...

Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

welcome to SR...

Muggins

Thanks for the link Carol, seen you post that on another thread earlier and already checked it out. Food for thought

I'm feeling worried about another related issue to my whole post..

I'm a VERY private person. Dont like to discuss personal matters with anyone.
I even created a new email address just to sign up here! It was a big step as I dont normally post in any forums, just use them to read & learn from.

I would like to tell my partner whats going on, sure she realises I have a problem, but maybe like me and not realise just how bad my addiction is (Not that I have ever hidden my drinking habbits). As far as she is concerned I drink a lot but can handle it as I rarely 'act' drunk. When I've had too much, I simply fall asleep in my chair.
I have told her I am cutting down but will find it hard to hide I have given up!

I'll build up the courage one day, Wont have any choice!

Muggins

Well, broke the ice today. Was easy.

Simply said, I was seeing how long I could go without.
Was easy as that, wtf was I worried about?
Must have been my phycological state due to withdrawals, feeling better by the day.

Im going to have some good news tomorrow, without a doubt

Stay Strong.

MsCooterBrown

Muggins...I am not sure about your bottle of wine. When I chose wine (I was all about whiskey..beer..and wine) that is the one thing I bought cheap. Carlos Rossi Sangria. That sh!t is brutal..comes in half gallon jugs. I was killing off a half gallon a night. SO if I did two bottles it would be a gallon. And as knarly as I felt in the morning after a half gallon (always in combo with whiskey and beer) a gallon would have killed me. I agree with the above posters so won't repeat my theory. But I wanted to ask..I heard there is ALOT of drinking in the UK and after watching the show "What did I do last night" holy cow...that was in the UK and those people made me look like a pansy..I have also heard there is bigtime drinking in China. Saw a special once..But my theory is it is all around us..can't pinpoint one country outdrinking the other. I will add (before I close out the book I am writing in the disguise of a post) that I had to totally cut myself off with any person or place having to do with alcohol in the beginning. I did go to a bar last night because a friend blew thru town and that was where everyone met. But I had no problem sticking to club soda with a cranberry splash. That is my new fake out drink of choice..however..once they found out what I was drinking I took a bit of ribbing. I don't care tho..feels damn good to be sober. GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU DUDE!! Welcome..if you are new. I didn't scroll back up to see..I know you are not new to the site but I think you are a new registered guest of ours..

LittleSparrow

I can't speak for you, but I know that as much as I wanted to drink like a "normal" person, I just couldn't do it. If I could control my drinking (one night a week, or maybe only 2-3 drinks at a time), I wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place. And I wouldn't have found this forum if I didn't think I had a problem. The thought of going forever without another drink was scary at first, but it finally sunk in that not knowing what I did the night before (when blackout drunk) and taking my chances with alcohol poisoning are even scarier. So I just don't drink today and I know that I'll wake up without a hangover tomorrow. That's as far as I need to worry about.

I also wanted to point out something you said that you probably didn't even realize:

"I am not looking for something in the drink, I dont think, Im just looking for that one night a week when kids are away and I can treat my partner to a nice meal and bottle of wine. Like normal people and at the moment I find it hard to understand why I can't....I just can't image, right now, that going out to the pub for a nice meal would be nealry enjoyable without the wine. The wine is what makes me chatty and feel, well, like im having a good time!"

I think you might have answered your own question. You don't think you're looking for anything in the drink---except to make you chatty, feel comfortable, have a good time, etc. Do you feel like you can't have a good time on your own, by being yourself? You mentioned that you're a private person, so maybe you're using alcohol to get out of yourself and connect with other people? Maybe that's not the case, but I just wanted to bring it up because it took me a while to realize that was the case for myself. I thought I was just drinking to have fun, it was something to do, I thought it made me happy (I was really good at forgetting about the negative stuff and only remembering the first couple hours when I was having a good time---before the inevitable blackout). As it turned out, I was letting alcohol be so much more than that. I used it to make myself comfortable around other people, even though I hadn't realized I was uncomfortable around them! Now I can ditch the alcohol and address what's really going on.

Anyhow, welcome! I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.

Muggins

Hey MsCooterBrown

Thanks a lot for the welcome. I am new to the site and to register. I found the site one day and spent the entirity of it reading posts. Within a day or so I knew I had to sign up and did! Best thing I have done in years because it started my road to recovery for the 1st time in my life
As the days go by I realise how much that 1 drink a week is impossible.
Today was my BIG test and I passed with flying colours as far as Im concerned, did have some butt clinching times and I would be a liar if I said I hadn't. Its 22.53 right this second on the only night of the week I initially planned to drink. Strongest drink I have had all day is a coffee.
I am slowly beggining to realise, I could do this, for good. I know its early but please dont knock it

And yes, the UK is realy that bad. My city centre all weekend is plastered with people passed out with sick and urine everywhere! I only know one person, in my vast amout of friends and acquaintances, who is a teetotaller and I have always thought he must be in recovery. If I keep going, I will be No2

Thanks again for your time to offer your help