sobertraveler

I am a recovering alcoholic. I spent 4 months (2 at a time) last year sober and slipped a few times. I have been sober since 12/27/2010, only two weeks. However, this time, it took a "talking to" by my wife. She said she cannot do it anymore (the late nights, the fights, the falling down, driving drunk, etc.). I agreed and have made a commitment to myself and others to remain dry and find joy in life without alcohol. I am powerless against alcohol. I cannot have just a few....leads to blackouts. So....she comes home friday night and smoked in the house and woke me up. I looked at the clock and it was 6:45 IN THE MORNING! My wife does not admit that she drinks too much. She also drinks beer, smokes and listens to her headphones alone from time to time. She wants her cake and eat it too, I suppose. But, the more I am weaned off of the booze (it happened to me last year), the further and further I want to be away from it. Im no prude and I enjoy a party for a couple hours and then I go home. I can be around it, just not around drunks. I don't think this story is going to end well.

Ghostly

That's a bad situation. Others may be able to speak more to it. If you go to the Friends and Forum section there is a thread about spouses of people in recovery that continue to drink.

I really don't have advice...just wishin you luck.

stanleyhouse

I don't know how this specific story will end but I do know that if you remain sober and work on recovery your life story will end a heck of a lot better than it is right now. I personally wouldn't expend any mental energy into anything that wasn't good for my sobriety in the beginning. But I was real good at setting up boundaries when I learned what the hell they were.
SH

Corri

I have a friend who came to an AA meeting last week (and I haven't seen her since, btw). She definitely has a problem, but so does her husband. However, he feels she is the one who is out-of-control. He wants her to stop, yet he plans on continuing with his own consumption, as he feels he does not have a problem.

I also have another friend in AA. She faced a similar situation while going through a divorce.

My fiancee is a social drinker, but he does not and will not bring alcohol into the house, nor drink around me (in order to support me through this process).

I've known people in your same situation who's heavy drinking spouses have later followed them into the AA program as well.

In saying all of this... do whatever it is you need to do to stay sober. That comes first, right? If you work the steps (sorry, don't know if you are following AA or not), leave the rest to your Higher Power, resentment and all. I hope you feel amazing about yourself! Keep going!!

sobertraveler

Thanks to all whom have replied thus far. From what I understand from the responses is: Fix myself first, get securely grounded and let the dust settle where it may?

Corri

I'm only on Day 11 myself, so...

Without exception, everyone here, everyone in my AA meetings, say this exact thing to me. Given my limited experiences thus far, I already soundly agree with all of them. This is a tough road. It isn't just about 'no alcohol.' (in my experience). I, too, wonder -- as I evolve into the person I was always meant to be, how might that impact my relationship's future? But... as it is nothing I can control anyway... why let that fester into a deep worry that may derail my soberiety efforts? (That's how I look at it, at least).

So. Thumbs up from me on your synopsis up there.