Finally managing to tell myself it's time to quit...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 11
Finally managing to tell myself it's time to quit...
After reading so many different articles on this site, I simply figured that I would register and post. I figured I would use this forum as a venting place along with support as well.
I just turned 26 years old about a month ago, and I know I'm an alcoholic...I just fight my own skeptic demons. The typical "it's not that bad" thoughts that I imagine almost any alcoholic must have/go through. I have decided that it is time to get my drinking and life under control.
Just as a brief history...
I never really drank in high school. I mean I had maybe 10 experiences with it in 4 years, but always had a pretty strong conviction against it. My mother however was a 2 glass of wine every night type of woman. I guess they are what is considered high-functioning alcoholic. She never got hammered, but the flip-side was that if she didn't have her 2 large glasses on night she would be very irritable and short-tempered.
My parents were divorced and my mother was from the East Coast. My mom had 80% custody to we were raised and spent most time with her. I never had a great relationship with my dad, though he has always been a small part of my life in one way or another. My mom was always desperate to go back home when I was growing up but wanted me to stay with friends and things I knew. Well, 3 weeks after I graduated high school...she moved back to the East Coast and I was 18 desperately trying to find an apartment to live, with no experience of how to live on my own.
Through these experiences of new people, responsiiliities, and freedom I ended up drinking A LOT. I was probably drinking anywhere from 4-12+ beers a night for a good year.
After that I ended up trying to back to school and got a swim scholarship at a college that just happened to not allow alcohol. It was a conscious descision for me to go there because of that, but it definitely straighted me out and I went about 2 and a half years drinking maybe 6 beers once a month or so.
Once I came back home to California, I started experiencing terrible panic attacks. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and was put on all sorts of different drugs trying to figure it out. Nothing worked.
Except alcohol.
And for the past 3 years or so I have been wrestling with using alcohol to keep my stress and anxiety down. My panic attacks went from having 15 a day to maybe 1 or 2 a month, but I have general anxiety now because of it.
I am now currently back to drinking anywhere from 4-12 beers a day. I still have a good job, a great place to live, a great relationship...but I know that if I went two days without drinking ... my anxiety would be so overwhelming that I might go right back into panic attacks and not be able to go back to work, etc.
I was thinking of weening off, but have defintely read that it doesn't work for most people.
Any feedback is welcome. Like I said, I am using this to vent. Thanks a lot you guys for posting and being so supportive of others.
I just turned 26 years old about a month ago, and I know I'm an alcoholic...I just fight my own skeptic demons. The typical "it's not that bad" thoughts that I imagine almost any alcoholic must have/go through. I have decided that it is time to get my drinking and life under control.
Just as a brief history...
I never really drank in high school. I mean I had maybe 10 experiences with it in 4 years, but always had a pretty strong conviction against it. My mother however was a 2 glass of wine every night type of woman. I guess they are what is considered high-functioning alcoholic. She never got hammered, but the flip-side was that if she didn't have her 2 large glasses on night she would be very irritable and short-tempered.
My parents were divorced and my mother was from the East Coast. My mom had 80% custody to we were raised and spent most time with her. I never had a great relationship with my dad, though he has always been a small part of my life in one way or another. My mom was always desperate to go back home when I was growing up but wanted me to stay with friends and things I knew. Well, 3 weeks after I graduated high school...she moved back to the East Coast and I was 18 desperately trying to find an apartment to live, with no experience of how to live on my own.
Through these experiences of new people, responsiiliities, and freedom I ended up drinking A LOT. I was probably drinking anywhere from 4-12+ beers a night for a good year.
After that I ended up trying to back to school and got a swim scholarship at a college that just happened to not allow alcohol. It was a conscious descision for me to go there because of that, but it definitely straighted me out and I went about 2 and a half years drinking maybe 6 beers once a month or so.
Once I came back home to California, I started experiencing terrible panic attacks. I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and was put on all sorts of different drugs trying to figure it out. Nothing worked.
Except alcohol.
And for the past 3 years or so I have been wrestling with using alcohol to keep my stress and anxiety down. My panic attacks went from having 15 a day to maybe 1 or 2 a month, but I have general anxiety now because of it.
I am now currently back to drinking anywhere from 4-12 beers a day. I still have a good job, a great place to live, a great relationship...but I know that if I went two days without drinking ... my anxiety would be so overwhelming that I might go right back into panic attacks and not be able to go back to work, etc.
I was thinking of weening off, but have defintely read that it doesn't work for most people.
Any feedback is welcome. Like I said, I am using this to vent. Thanks a lot you guys for posting and being so supportive of others.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((CadillacKing))) - Welcome to SR!! Alcohol wasn't my "thing" (crack was) but there are a lot of people here with similar stories. Are you still seeing a doctor? With your history of panic attacks, and the drinking, I'd highly recommend it. Quitting alcohol, cold turkey, can be dangerous but a dr who is aware of the drinking and the anxiety would be a good thing IMO.
You're not alone..glad you're here!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
You're not alone..glad you're here!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 46
Quitting drinking can be a big step and you may not need to try and stop algoether because that may not work. You should try cutting back the days you drink. Now im pretty sure youre an alcoholic like me so that cutting back the drinks isnt gonna work most likely (once weve had one its "off to the races" as some people say in this forum).
But if you stop a day or so a week it may add up. Try saying to yourself "No thats ok, i wont drink today ill do something else" and keep going from there. Maybe try and make it 2 days a week without drinking if you can. Then it wont seem so strange to not be drinking and it should become easier to stop. As for the panic attacks, that's something i can not really have an input on. But i know that it is possible for any of us to stop drinking for at least a few days.
But if you stop a day or so a week it may add up. Try saying to yourself "No thats ok, i wont drink today ill do something else" and keep going from there. Maybe try and make it 2 days a week without drinking if you can. Then it wont seem so strange to not be drinking and it should become easier to stop. As for the panic attacks, that's something i can not really have an input on. But i know that it is possible for any of us to stop drinking for at least a few days.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I used to have anxiety and infrequent panic attacks...nothing nearly as severe as you describe.
I worked closely with a counsellor and my doctor. I was prescribed a moderate dose anti-depressant. Took a couple of months but things eventually worked out quite well. Guess I was quite lucky, no trial and error process with meds.
I'm positive that alcohol would have made the situation worse because it's a depressant.
AA also helped in that the program helps you address fear and to put trust in a higher power (less worrying about stuff).
Hey, don't give up. I'm sure there is a way to deal with this without alcohol.
I worked closely with a counsellor and my doctor. I was prescribed a moderate dose anti-depressant. Took a couple of months but things eventually worked out quite well. Guess I was quite lucky, no trial and error process with meds.
I'm positive that alcohol would have made the situation worse because it's a depressant.
AA also helped in that the program helps you address fear and to put trust in a higher power (less worrying about stuff).
Hey, don't give up. I'm sure there is a way to deal with this without alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome to SR cadillacking 
yeah weaning never worked for me - if you're worried about withdrawal and/or panic attacks, please see a Dr. It's the sensible thing to do.
It's good to have you with us
D
yeah weaning never worked for me - if you're worried about withdrawal and/or panic attacks, please see a Dr. It's the sensible thing to do.
It's good to have you with us
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Seattle!
Posts: 211
Welcome to SR! I have a similar story... didn't really drink in high school, had parents split up in a similar fashion, ended up drinking more than my fair share and realizing I needed to get off that ride earlier on... still took me until I was just into my 30s to really nail it. If you can bonk it on the head now at 26 you will have really good field position.
You'll find lots of information and support here. I'm glad you're here!
You'll find lots of information and support here. I'm glad you're here!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Hey CK, welcome to a most wonderful site! There's lots of really great people here with tons of experience and knowledge to share with you. If you're looking for support, you're in the right place.
I found that I could not control my alcohol consumption. I mean, sometimes I could only have a couple, but other times I would get drunk when I had no intention to, and I'd be upset with myself over it later.
I can't identify with drinking to keep panic attacks away. I had a few panic attacks when I was drinking, and I don't believe I've had one since I stopped.
I agree that seeing a physician is a good idea for any heavy drinker who is trying to stop. I wish I had taken that route; I've detoxed on my own and it was pretty scary.
I wish you the best and hope you make this site a regular visit!
I found that I could not control my alcohol consumption. I mean, sometimes I could only have a couple, but other times I would get drunk when I had no intention to, and I'd be upset with myself over it later.
I can't identify with drinking to keep panic attacks away. I had a few panic attacks when I was drinking, and I don't believe I've had one since I stopped.
I agree that seeing a physician is a good idea for any heavy drinker who is trying to stop. I wish I had taken that route; I've detoxed on my own and it was pretty scary.
I wish you the best and hope you make this site a regular visit!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Cad! Glad to have you with us.
Whatever leads us to SR....I can assure you that you will find much good info, experience and loads of support.
I didn't have anxiety/panic attacks myself until the latter years of my drinking. I too found that I would drink to help with them but then again....I was drinking for just about anything......just what me the alcoholic did.
When I finally quit and began recovery it was amazing how I didn't have panic attacks anymore and while I have had some mild anxiety it is completely manageable for me. I found the anxiety usually came with me working myself up over not knowing how to handle things, etc. so that is much of what I have been working on in recovery.
While my situation was alcohol related for sure...getting sober and learning to live again has been the greatest gift I could have given myself. I found that weaning or moderating alcohol just kept the door open and I always ended up right back drinking.
Only thing that worked for me was accepting what I was, removing alcohol from my life and then working on recovery. Its been an amazing ride.
Glad you are with us and looking forward to the journey!
Whatever leads us to SR....I can assure you that you will find much good info, experience and loads of support.
I didn't have anxiety/panic attacks myself until the latter years of my drinking. I too found that I would drink to help with them but then again....I was drinking for just about anything......just what me the alcoholic did.
When I finally quit and began recovery it was amazing how I didn't have panic attacks anymore and while I have had some mild anxiety it is completely manageable for me. I found the anxiety usually came with me working myself up over not knowing how to handle things, etc. so that is much of what I have been working on in recovery.
While my situation was alcohol related for sure...getting sober and learning to live again has been the greatest gift I could have given myself. I found that weaning or moderating alcohol just kept the door open and I always ended up right back drinking.
Only thing that worked for me was accepting what I was, removing alcohol from my life and then working on recovery. Its been an amazing ride.
Glad you are with us and looking forward to the journey!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Originally Posted by TheBatman 
Quitting drinking can be a big step and you may not need to try and stop algoether because that may not work.
I advise everyone to see your Dr before they try and quit tho. Detox can be sometimes be rough.
D
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Alcohol was something I used for anxiety as well (Generalized Anxiety Disorder.) It had a temporary effect but I wouldn't say it worked. Problem was it seemed clear, and later medically confirmed for me, that when I didn't have the alcohol in me my anxiety was many times more worse. Left me with three options:
1. I could just never not be drunk. I tried this first, worked horribly.
2. I could just use at moments when I had to keep my anxiety low, and the rest of the time just have anxiety.
3. Get rid of alcohol altogether and try another means. My second option, has been working for over two years now.
1. I could just never not be drunk. I tried this first, worked horribly.
2. I could just use at moments when I had to keep my anxiety low, and the rest of the time just have anxiety.
3. Get rid of alcohol altogether and try another means. My second option, has been working for over two years now.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
that if I went two days without drinking ... my anxiety would be so overwhelming that I might go right back into panic attacks and not be able to go back to work, etc.
And of course, after drinking, the anxiety comes back horribly as the depressant effect of alcohol goes away. I had to get thru the first few days to a week after quitting before the anxiety settled down a bit.I'd recommend seeing a doctor for help in getting thru withdrawal so the anxiety isn't so bad.
I used to be horrible anxious but now that Im sober the anxiety isn't near so bad and my meds for it work a lot better, as they should, without the effects of alcohol.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 114
CK:
I have chronic PTSD, anxiety and panic. I've had these things for a good portion of my life. The 12 steps in AA not only helps me stay off alcohol, it has been, for me, the blueprint for living with and managing my stress/anxiety. I personally loathe ADs, so for me, AA has been a godsend.
I echo the recommendations of consulting with your doctors, but if you have not done so, you may want to explore AA, and see if might work for you as well.
I have chronic PTSD, anxiety and panic. I've had these things for a good portion of my life. The 12 steps in AA not only helps me stay off alcohol, it has been, for me, the blueprint for living with and managing my stress/anxiety. I personally loathe ADs, so for me, AA has been a godsend.
I echo the recommendations of consulting with your doctors, but if you have not done so, you may want to explore AA, and see if might work for you as well.
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