theuncertainty

XAH and GF sent DS home with an f-ing tank and fish. WTF? In what world is it ok to send pets home to some one elses house? It took everything in me to not throw the f-ing thing at her front step. When I told DS no, of course he started crying. So of course I caved.

I haven't sent a email to him yet, because I am too mad to even think straight.

suki44883

Yeah, my ex sent our daughter home once with a rabbit. I could have killed him. We lived in an apartment! They just don't THINK!!

Live

what a crock!
Are they trying to antagonize you and make you look bad or something?
They want to buy him a fish, they should keep it there for him..but you didn't divorce him and write her off due to their good natures!
aarghh!

theuncertainty

I mean really? Really? How inconsiderate, manipulative.... If we don't ask her and just send the tank home with him, she can't say no..... WTF.

I've told DS the stupid things are not staying. I did not use those words. But DS knew I was mad, he asked why. I told him I'm not mad at him. That's really all I can say right now. I then told DS I need a time out and have been trying to calm down. I seriously want to drive out to the point and scream.

I've emailed DS's teacher to ask if the class would like a donation of tank, fish and the initial supply of food. But I entirely expect her to say no. Can stupid fish go without food over a weekend? Probably not over spring break.... If the classroom can't use them, they're going back to the a--'s house next weekend.

So, I'm thinking there's a connection between DS and I getting a cat a week ago.

Learn2Live

Try to keep note of how dealing with them affects you, your peace and serenity. Write down dates, events, and how those things make you feel. Examine your expectations of them. Examine what you are doing in the effort to ensure those expectations are met. Ask yourself what you might be doing that keeps the merry-go-round going.

(((hugs))) sorry about the fish. Did they at least send fish food?

Live

I used to have a bunch of betta fish..each gets their own tanks because they are siamese fighting fish.
When I had to move, I was able to take them back and give them to a pet store. Not the chain ones..they can't but individually owned ones may.

Why does this feel so much like a game?
I will be quiet and let cooler heads prevail.

suki44883

Send the fish back. I sent the rabbit back.

StarCat

What type of fish are they?
Most fish can go a week without food without getting sick, although it's not preferred. There are also vacation feeders (dissolve slowly in water), or automatic feeders (electric or battery, can feed 1-2 times per day).
Fish not eating over a weekend is actually healthy for them - it is good for them to fast occasionally and clean out their digestion. (Especially if they are in a classroom, as I guarantee they will be overfed during the week).

Donate them or send them back, absolutely - they didn't ask in advance, so you are in no obligation to keep them.

theuncertainty

I agree that it feels like a very juvenile and stupid game. Rather coincidental after refusing to take the stupid tank that he tried to drop off with 'our' stuff.

Glad to hear they can go without food for bit. They sent a little container with a little food. They're goldfish. So the tank is minimal; cleaning, I assume, is minimal. Not a huge set up with filters, etc. The only mom-and-pop pet store that I knew of closed, so all that are left are the big boxes.

Nice to know that his overspending on fish (to the detriment of household expenses like heat, power and food) looks like is still active.

Thank you, Learn, for the suggestion on journaling my interaction with them. I hadn't thought of that - just as it relates to DS. I seriously did not expect this. I already know dealing with them leaves me feeling like sh-t stuck on a boot.

I refused to take the tank. I did not think he'd pull sticking me with one this way.

theuncertainty

BTW, I'm sorry about the 'stupid fish' comment. It just, well, he used to spend all his paycheck on vodka and use mine to buy new tanks, new fish after he killed the last ones he bought. If we'd had this, then the fish wouldn't have died. If we had the more expensive heater and filter system, the last set wouldn't have been boiled....

I think, just like cats and dogs, it's really cruel to keep getting pets when you know you can't take care of them. And based on his track record, XAH can't.

Live

don't worry about it...okay? the stupid fish comment. I think the context is pretty clear.

Phoenixthebird

*******************************

Live

ROFLMAO

Phoenix!!!!

infiniti

It's been years ago, but my ex brought my girls home with 4 kittens! My 2nd husband was so MAD. He took them off and dumped them somewhere (against my wishes - he was an ******* and an ex now too!)

escape artist

my ex's girlfriend tried giving my kids things and i called him and told him i felt he should run it by me first before they give them things I do not necessarily want them to have. if they want to give my kid a pet, the pet stays at his house. this is a boundary. as long everybody knows it, there is less drama about what happens when they overstep it.

iloveme

If you smile and keep the fish tank right in plain view of the door and get exstactic over it everytime they come, TRUST ME THEY WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN!!!!

SEND IT BACK, and NEXT WEEK you will have baby CHICKS!!!!!


plan on it!!!


I played those games for years!!!!!!!!

Phoenixthebird

Something like this happened to me. My son's exgf bought him a puppy border collie and they brought it back to my home. We already had two border collies and my DDH was ardent about having only two border collies......until Codie won our hearts!
*************************
But IT's HARD to LOVE a GOLDFISH!

naive

hi uncertainty-

once when visiting his children in ireland, xABF wanted to buy a little guinea pig and cage for his little girl. when he told me on the phone, i said you better discuss this with the mother. he said "oh, i'm sure it's fine" and went ahead and bought it.

he wasn't trying to do anything to the mother, in my opinion, rather he was just a guilty dad thinking that buying things would make up for being absentee. the little girl loved animals and would spend hours in the pet store.

so, there is a possibility he is not playing games with you, just being inconsiderate by not even considering you, which was the case with my x.

theuncertainty

*Sigh* I know....

Escape, yep. I've been running through the possible future scenarios - a major pitfall for me. If I keep them, they'll think it's OK and send home rats next time or a snake or ferret. If I keep them, he'll think, oh it didn't work and stop pulling this cr-P. If I send them back, they'll know they 'got to me' and send home rats or a snake or ferret....

(A snake would actually be kind of cool, except I keep my room on the cool side and I don't think that's good for them... Ferret - nope I don't have time to keep track of those entertaining little rascals or find my keys every morning after they've escaped and taken the keys to their new hidey spot.)

Phoenix, awww. Is that a picture of Codie? I think I'd have a really hard time giving him up. He's adorable. Why couldn't it have been a cute little puppy? He could go camping and hiking with us - oh wait, I don't get any full weekends, so those trips have probably stopped.... DS and I had actually looked at puppies at the shelter before falling in love with Sasuke. Which is probably why it wasn't a puppy that XAH sent home... Nope, I don't see me getting attached to the little fish.

Naive, thanks for your perspective and grounding influence. That did come briefly to mind too. Like right after I clicked post on the start of the thread. (As in, OMG I'm over-reacting again and now all of SR sees it.... ) I'd be inclined to agree if DS wasn't at their house every weekend. If XAH hadn't tried to give me one of his scummy old tanks when he returned 'our' stuff. If I hadn't refused said tank and he made his GF carry it back to her car because he wasn't going to take it. If XAH didn't have a habit of overspending on fish and killing them. If DS and I hadn't just adopted Sasuke and DS wasn't 'Sasuke this, 'Sasuke that' 'Sasuke is the coolest.'

So I will concede that the possibility exists. But it is slim, slim, slim. And I'm sure he'll tell her that I'm just an unreasonable b-tch - Who turns down fish? They just float there. - and she will believe it. Not my business.

DS's teacher declined the fish. Understandable and expected. I'm now debating on giving XAH a heads up that they're coming back or just handing them to GF when she picks up DS next weekend. I know I have to state the boundary that we will take no pets of any sort and they should not try to send any home, especially without first running it by me. They can give DS all the pets they want if the critters stay at their house. They can fill her house up with noisy, stinky, ill cared for animals, because I'm no longer responsible for cleaning up after XAH's glorious, but ill-conceived ideas. But then maybe he'll actually let her take care of the pets instead of yelling at her to leave them alone....

OK, I'm getting off track. 1. Return fish to XAH. 2. State boundary clearly, that any pets they get for DS must stay at their home. I will not take them. 3. Pray to HP that soon there will be at least 1 weekend where I don't react to the cr-p he/they fling. 4. Start keeping a journal as L2L suggested, so I can try to get some sort of handle on my reactions.

Linkmeister

He looks just like my furbaby..........

I love the name Codie!