cross addictions alcohol & gambling
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cross addictions alcohol & gambling
My husband recently went through rehab for alcohol, he has just been sober 6 months. Prior to rehab he had times of being "dry" but would gamble out of control spending several thousands of dollars monthly. He was honest about this in his rehab program, very little was done to address the gambling, one worksheet. He just admitted that he has been gambling several times per week for the last 2 months. He feels that he has not relapsed as he did not drink. He has been very involved with AA since he was release from rehab.
He lied, to me and the people in his oxford house to cover up the gambling. He has not paid the rent at the oxford house and used money he needed to pay his DUII court fees to gamble with. He says he has not relapsed but he needs to get in program with GA. I feel this is not correct and that he is not fully facing that his actions of gambling are no different than a drinking relapse. His gambling caused him to jeopardize his ability to live in the oxford house, going to jail due to unpaid fees and he had started avoiding our kids and myself saying he wanted a divorce. He now admits he was avoiding the family because of guilt, to hide his behavior and allow time to spend gambling. He also lied to his oxford house saying he was spending time at our home and spending nights at our home so he could gamble all night long. He also gambled in bars as well as non-drinking establishments. Can someone help me understand if these are two different separate issues or a relapse is a relapse not matter what the addictive behavior chosen.
He lied, to me and the people in his oxford house to cover up the gambling. He has not paid the rent at the oxford house and used money he needed to pay his DUII court fees to gamble with. He says he has not relapsed but he needs to get in program with GA. I feel this is not correct and that he is not fully facing that his actions of gambling are no different than a drinking relapse. His gambling caused him to jeopardize his ability to live in the oxford house, going to jail due to unpaid fees and he had started avoiding our kids and myself saying he wanted a divorce. He now admits he was avoiding the family because of guilt, to hide his behavior and allow time to spend gambling. He also lied to his oxford house saying he was spending time at our home and spending nights at our home so he could gamble all night long. He also gambled in bars as well as non-drinking establishments. Can someone help me understand if these are two different separate issues or a relapse is a relapse not matter what the addictive behavior chosen.
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When he finally admitted he was gambling I was very careful not to be angry. He said he was a mess and thought it would be best for us to get away from him (this was more like a cry for help and not abandonment). I told him this was not a time for our family to split up or abandon him but that he needed to address this and get help for this issue. He came up with at plan to add more treatment for this issue. He is adding GA meetings, adding personal counseling (we are already in marriage counseling), going to try neurofeedback therapy and change the way he handles money. Which I think are all good things and I do think it was very brave and hard for him to admit his gambling problem. I would like to see if anyone else has seen something like this happen, if it is a true relapse, and any suggestions for cross-addictions that are not both substances. Thank you.
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I do believe he has abstained from alcohol, although I do not have 100% proof. This was a common pattern for him prior to rehab, gambling without drinking. There was an instance where he got his paycheck and gambled his entire months pay in one day. At that time I asked if he had drank and he said no, where he was gambling doesn't serve alcohol. I frankly had a very difficult time understanding how he could have spend over $6,000 and not be drunk, which I told him at that time.
He is in the middle of changing sponsors. He is going to start with a new one in two days, his new sponsor is the head of his home meeting and someone that is more accessible to him. He indicated he would talk to him once he gets started with him. Do you think it would benefit him to call his current sponsor for some immediate advise?
He is also reluctant to tell the oxford house members. I asked him if it would be viewed as a relapse and he said no because it is not a gambling oxford house, but I wonder if this is just an attempt to avoid having to be accountable for his actions. I believe it is essential for him tell them (which I have not voiced to him as of yet) or else this house is only going be a place that could be used to account for time he is gambling and they need to know so he will be accountable for his whereabouts, as you cannot give a urine test for gambling as you can for substances.
He is in the middle of changing sponsors. He is going to start with a new one in two days, his new sponsor is the head of his home meeting and someone that is more accessible to him. He indicated he would talk to him once he gets started with him. Do you think it would benefit him to call his current sponsor for some immediate advise?
He is also reluctant to tell the oxford house members. I asked him if it would be viewed as a relapse and he said no because it is not a gambling oxford house, but I wonder if this is just an attempt to avoid having to be accountable for his actions. I believe it is essential for him tell them (which I have not voiced to him as of yet) or else this house is only going be a place that could be used to account for time he is gambling and they need to know so he will be accountable for his whereabouts, as you cannot give a urine test for gambling as you can for substances.
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I was just looking for clairtiy about relapse. The outcome is going to be the same no matter what the definition.
As to being lied to he has lost all trust. I told him I appreciate that he told me about the gambling and I will support his efforts of recovery for both addictions but there are still consequences to his actions that I can no longer trust him.
As to his financial problems I will not be helping him with that. He is on unemployment and will need to figure out his own finances. I don't think he will go to jail, as I am sure they will let him make a different payment arrangement. For the Oxford house I also think they will allow him to catch up on his rent. The rent is low and he should be able to get caught up in a about a week. These are not things I have control over, he will need to handle those on his own.
As to being lied to he has lost all trust. I told him I appreciate that he told me about the gambling and I will support his efforts of recovery for both addictions but there are still consequences to his actions that I can no longer trust him.
As to his financial problems I will not be helping him with that. He is on unemployment and will need to figure out his own finances. I don't think he will go to jail, as I am sure they will let him make a different payment arrangement. For the Oxford house I also think they will allow him to catch up on his rent. The rent is low and he should be able to get caught up in a about a week. These are not things I have control over, he will need to handle those on his own.
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