new, and needing to know something

Old 01-09-2011, 01:35 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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new, and needing to know something

My brother was addicted to heroin for 11 years, before eventually committing suicide in august of 2009. We miss him terribly, but that is not why I'm here.
You see, when my brother lived with us and was horribly addicted everything was stolen, everything was always a fight to make sure he stayed alive, and always a fight to see through his lies.
he's gone now.
my father is the concern.
he is an alcoholic, but i'm having problems validating how i feel about it.
because his addiction and disease is not so progressed that it's to the point of the stealing or seeing through the lies.
it's just to the point that his wife is about to kick him out and his daughter (me) says she can't stand him.. and he promises he'll change... but yet he still drinks. and when he drinks, he drinks to the point of barley standing up every single night.
he also drives drunk, every single night.
he gets angered very easily at only me when he's sober.
he's also a diabetic, so we all know he's playing with fire. i just don't know what to do. i'm having such a hard time accepting the fact he's an addict when i've seen an addict so truly horrible that we had to disconnect the phones from the walls and my mother would sleep with her purse.
i lost one, and i'm not ready to lose another...
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Old 01-09-2011, 08:37 AM
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Hello liveagain, and welcome to SoberRecovery

Originally Posted by liveagain456 View Post
.... My brother was addicted to heroin for 11 years, before eventually committing suicide ....
wow, that must have been a horror for you. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been.

Originally Posted by liveagain456 View Post
....he is an alcoholic, but i'm having problems validating how i feel about it. ....
well of course, nobody wants to see an addiction strike someone they love. Especially after what you went thru with your brother.

Originally Posted by liveagain456 View Post
.... because his addiction and disease is not so progressed that it's....
That's ok. You don't have to explain your feelings to _us_. We have all lived with additction of one sort or another in our parents, so we totally understand.

Originally Posted by liveagain456 View Post
.... i just don't know what to do....i lost one, and i'm not ready to lose another...
well, there is actually a _lot_ you can do. It's just not the things you would normally think of.

First, you need to educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism and how it works. You can start in the forum "next door":

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There is a ton of good information in the "sticky posts" at the top. Start with this one:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Also, visit a few meetings of Al-anon. They have a wonderful set of books and pamphlets that are packed full of information.

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

While you are doing all of that be on the lookout for these "concepts": Boundaries, consequnces and intervention. The meaning of these words is very different in real life than what you get from watching TV or in other forms of media. The purpose of all that "education" I suggest is to allow you to understand how to "Set boundaries", "manage consequences" and "plan and intervention". The result of which will be a set of strategies to help you deal with your father's disease and, hopefully, a chance for him to get some kind of recovery program to help him quit the addiction.

Feel free to post here or in the forum next door, and ask any questions you want. That's the whole reason SoberRecovery exists.

Mike
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