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This is so hard, I feel like a failure

Old 01-08-2011, 01:22 AM
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Unhappy This is so hard, I feel like a failure

Today was Day 5 of my sober recovery. So much for that! I could feel it welling up in me all week, and no matter how hard I tried....I've let myself down. I'm embarassed to admit it, but I guess here is the only place that feels safe to do so.

Back to work the last 3 days, family issues, my son heading back to dads and No counselling support, and I've given in. I feel so alone in this and I only hope someone can understand how ******* hard it is to not drink. I'm sure I'll feel bad tomorrow, and embarassed to have posted this.

But as a single mum, alone in a country that I left behind so long ago(who knows what possessed me to come back), with almost zero support.....

Now I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Sorry. Hopefully I'll be back ontrack soon. Thanks to everybody who has offered their words of support.
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Old 01-08-2011, 01:43 AM
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Manz...take it easy. You are not a failure, what you are going through is hard, If it was easy we wouldn't have the need for this forum. This is a good place to start, take care!

:ghug3
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Old 01-08-2011, 01:45 AM
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If it was easy Manz, there'd be no need for SR.
Many of us took a time or two to get this right.

Try and think about what else to need to do now - you know the kind of thing - do you need more support? is face to face support an option? do you need to work out how to reduce stress without drinking? what are your triggers? can you work out a plan?

I hope you'll be back on track soon too
D
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Old 01-08-2011, 01:49 AM
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Morning Manz, hope you are in a better place today. Everyone has on off-day, we just have to figure out a way to deal with it that not involves drinking!

all the best,
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:31 AM
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Hi Manz

Ever heard the John F Kennedy speech:

"We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard…”

You will make it. This is just a temporary setback. Welcome it. We only ever learn from failure, never from success.
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Old 01-08-2011, 02:39 AM
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I felt like that thousands of times, it's hardly a wonder that we end up quite crazy in our thinking and our perception...are you ready to reach out for face to face help?
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Old 01-08-2011, 03:19 AM
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Manz, life will get hard sometimes. Just need to learn how to deal with the issues and not hide behind a bottle. We all through it and it will happen again. The more you learn from it the better you will feel when you go through it again. Your taking steps now by being here to deal with your problems. Take it one day at a time and you will make it with ez.
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Old 01-08-2011, 04:33 PM
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You are NOT a "failure." You just aren't "there" yet. There's no reason for you to conclude "so much for that" as if you've just blown your one and only opportunity.

Invitations to happy sobriety don't expire until we do.

Have you thought about hitting an AA meeting? It's worked out great for me, and for many others.
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Old 01-08-2011, 04:42 PM
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Hi Manz,

Relasping is what happens to some of us, in fact many of us, its become part of our make up to use or drink and thats what we do.

Be good to yourself, you got back here and are talking about it thats awesome. I relapsed after 19 years clean and it took me 11 years to get back.

Be good to yoiu and keep doing what you need to do to get sober and stay sober.

Kevin
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:05 PM
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Manz, I can completely relate. I had almost three weeks, and then relapsed; had another week, relapsed again.

The point is you came back; you can use this to learn; what are you going to do differently? I have learned that this takes a lot of work; on the one hand, I don't want to sit around obsessing about drinking all the time. But at the same time; I am finding that if I am not thinking about it and working on it; then a relapse is inevitable.
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:10 PM
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Manz, I think we all know how really, really hard this is to do.

Learn from what happened, and it doesn't have to happen again.

Identify your triggers, get counselling if you can, do whatever it takes.

I know you can do this!
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:12 PM
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Start over honey, forgive yourself and start over. I started over so many times I can't count and I finally 'got it'. You can too. Forgive yourself and start over.
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:31 PM
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(((Manz))) - I agree with everyone else...you're not a failure. It took most of us more than once to "get it" and even then, it was far from easy.

You're not alone, sweetie. Though we may seem like "just people on the computer", I've found a tremendous amount of support and very dear friends, right here at SR.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:45 PM
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Hi manz!

5 days Is pretty good. Prior to my current run 5 days would have been close to a record for me...I rarely made it past 10 hours I am now 2 days shy of 6 months...use your setbacks to learn...if you need f2f supports get it...or post more here...we understand
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:50 PM
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Prayers and hugs going out to you (another single mom here)..... Time and sobriety will bring the sunshine back to your life. Stay focused on you and remember to take it a step at a time. Glad you're here!
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Old 01-08-2011, 06:57 PM
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Glad you're here too! Hang in there it's worth it on the other side.
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:16 PM
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chin up

tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. When you learn to ride a bike you fall off many times.. but you get up and try again and eventually you will stay on and find peace. Stay strong don't beat yourself up and know you are not alone!
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:47 PM
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I totally relate. I just blew my 5 day ride. I could feel the crazy urge building up inside all week, like a werewolf who knows the full moon is coming. But I WILL try again. I guess you need to learn to crawl before you can walk.
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Old 01-08-2011, 10:12 PM
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Glad you came right back here. Hope you get back on track soon—just a day, then another...
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Old 01-09-2011, 12:42 AM
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Another Day Done Sober

Thank you all. It amazes me the support there is here, that is given so readily and with real warmth. Thank you all, every comment has touched and helped me. I've been back to SR 3-4 times today, and been to an AA meeting this evening. I'm sober and pleased for it.

I hope to keep at this sobriety gig, like you mentioned invisigoth, for me the feeling was creeping up on me for days. Now I hope I'll recognise it earlier and ask for help and support earlier.

I now know I simply can't do this on my own. I need to do what someone said at the meeting tonight and swallow my pride and ask for the help thats offered.

What a journey this is going to be.

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