Tendencies

I'm at day 46 and having a hard day. I'd kinda forgotten how bad it can get when I crush on Alcohol. I quit smoking recently as well, on day 6 of that, and it's swirling into a perfect storm today, Friday.

I've been on the forum for a couple of weeks surprised at how well I've been doing but today...

I tell you if I had felt like this day 2 or 3 I never would have made it this far. It's been getting easier on the smoking. Day one and two were really tough and some moments are still hard...

I'm not going to drink though or smoke. A few days ago I started running again. Not much but more than I've done in many a year. As well I see from the scale I lost 5 pounds. That's pretty nice. Work is good. Still broke but I could be in a much worse place if I drank.

But still. I'm fighting the crush. I'm going to shovel the driveway and go get a newspaper.

Hurmp....

least

Hang in there. It will get better.

Dee74

I always found reading my first posts - or someone's else's - helped me remember Tendencies

You can do this - keep it up man
D

Tendencies

It's like the craving all come on at once for five minutes and get really intense. Feels like your standing on the edge of deciding to do something stupid. I can be sitting here all quiet in my house with the news on, but in my head things are just raging around.

This struggle is really tiring. But the other option is more so.

ReadyAndAble

Hang in there -- I'm sure you will.

Some folks on SR have posted about distancing yourself from the urge, as if it wasn't you craving that drink or smoke, but someone else who's trying to convince you to do something you know is a mistake (and that you don't even want to do). "Hey, there's that crazy voice again, trying to push me into something I'll regret." It's not in charge though—you are. I've found that technique helpful at times. At the very least it's a way to distract myself until the urge passes -- and it always does!

Anna

It IS tiring and trying to get through those moments. But, getting through it will make it a bit easier the next time.

nogard

and it passes really quickly, hang in there, post here, talk to other members if you can, go to a meeting, sit in a church, go for a walk, scream and hit a punch bag, just dont pick up.

Tendencies

Thanks all, I like the idea of thinking about it as another person wanted that drink or smoke.

I don't want to end up with a split personality though...lol

I went for a walk. Shovelled the driveway.

Kjell

Helping others will usually help too.

jude70

I'm having the same kind of day Tendencies but I am reading and posting and that is helping. Plus the wonderful encouragement is helping a lot. Let's both hang in there tonight and wake up feeling good tomorrow.

betterlate

One technique that's helped me a lot is remembering how I feel when I wake up in bed, hungover, heart pounding from vodka and crack withdrawals. How lousy I feel and how angry I am as I punch the pillow in rage at myself for succumbing yet again. Last year began with a lot of that scenario. The year got better as I did it less and less, and now a new year has come on day 59 already today. I would love love love for this year to have NONE of that sh1t in it at all.

MsCooterBrown

I had a really bad BAD drunk towards the end of my drinking marathon. I remember I could not even walk. I just kept staggering and hitting the ground. I somehow made it into the house..but I fell and hit my head HARD on the end table. THAT could have killed me. I used that memory when I first quit drinking and it killed any desire to pick up. Maybe you have a memory..if not..you can use mine. I will not go back to being a bad @ssed drunk.

LaFemme

For instance my driveway could use a good shoveling...lol

I'm with MsCB....early in recovery I trained myself to associate thoughts of drinking with my worst experience worshipping the porcelain goddess. It took awhile but now its pretty well entrenched.

Today is my first sober snowfall and first sober funeral...firsts are triggers for me and as I drove past the liquor store that little voice (I also use the split personality trick) suggested drinking...I actually looked over at the parking lot to the packy...and all of a sudden I was gagging....I couldn't get away fast enough. It wasn't even a craving for a drink just an idle thought brought on by circumstance and proximity.

Stay strong...xo, T

MsCooterBrown

You are more mature than me. I flip the liquor store off as I drive by. I do it down low of course. It is a polite flip.

Tendencies

I woke up today and had a great morning. I made it though last night. It helps if you go to bed early and get up early I guess.

Today has been a run. Good breakfast. Visit a friend and his family (he was hungover this morning and called me drunk last night for a chat. It's funny how stupid people sound, I must have sounded like that a lot.)

I'm doing chores, getting stuff done. Reading some posts.

Its the times of the day that I don't think about drinking at all and smoking that are the absolute best! The best. When it does not even enter my head, I just am me.

Thanks ALL

-Tend