Isaiah

I was joking around with a friend of mine an hour ago. She mentioned that she was having cereal and beer at 10 o'clock at night. I jested that I hoped she wasn't mixing the two together. And then that maybe you could pour stout over Cocoa Puffs and that could possibly be edible.

Getting to a point where I feel I can talk about alcohol in such a way that doesn't cause me to stress, feel triggered or feel guilty for thinking about it. When I was first starting this business I couldn't do that. It would make me feel uncomfortable just to talk about alcohol unless it was in the context of an AA meeting, and even then sometimes it could be hard.

But as time goes I find that might fight is no longer with alcohol itself. I'm coming to accept that it is out there, but I don't "hate" it the way I used to. I am not recovered, but I am seeing that my fight is with addiction, not the substance that fueled it.

Thought I would share because I know a lot of people feel daunted by the belief that they will always be fighting against booze and their urges. It doesn't have to be that way though. Sobriety isn't always a fight, it can become just a part of your life that you work at with a happy heart. Maybe kind of like a marriage, sometimes it's tough and you always have to give it your best, but it can give you a lot of purpose, peace and happiness.

So don't quit quitting.

Ghostly

Good for you Isaiah...seems like you've turned a corner. Thanks for sharing, and hope this inspires others to know this is possible.

Hooped

Nice post Isaiah.
Just what I needed to hear today.

Impurrfect

(((Isaiah))) - great post, sweetie. Yes, at first, it's hard to not seem to be triggered or thinking of our DOC all the time. However, the more we work recovery, the less a big deal it seems. I've always imagined it's got to be harder when alcohol is the DOC, as it's practically everywhere..on TV, in convenience stores, etc. so I think people who find recovery from it are truly awesome.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

NEOMARXIST

yeah man. Nice one! I often joke about alcohol and drugs with people, and have done for a long while now. Where I work alcohol is given as incentives so Since I started there at 6 weeks sober then I would be working next to bottles of wine or crates of beer etc. Never been a problem and for that I'm grateful.

Starting Uni too then I am candid about getting wrecked and joke about stuff like asking people what they got up to and asking what drugs are knocking about the halls of residences etc.

Just because I'm an alcoholic and addict doesn't mean that I am militantly anti alcohol or drugs. I just accept that for me then I've had my fill in a past life.

It is very liberating to be able to speak openly like that and a sign of progressing recovery imo.

Nice one!! Peace

Hudstar

Well said, Isaiah. I'm realising that every day at the moment. I've begun to learn that even nearly 80 days sober now, all the problems and behaviours of my addicted mind still control me. It manifests itself in my lethargy, my lack of confidence, depression, isolation, forgetfulness, numbness and in many other ways.

I'm not sure what to do about it, but it scares me as I know a drink is not very far away if I don't start doing what I have to and that is, uncomfortably, to change.

You see, drinking conditioned me over time to stay as still and as small as I possibly could in order to feel safe so that 'change' couldn't occur to threaten my drinking. Now that I'm not drinking, all that conditioning, that 'programming' is still there, even more vivid than before. Not cool.

Anyway, thanks for the post. Struck a chord with me.

Isaiah

Getting the message that it's you that has to change, that you can't make something else change and all will be well, it's not pleasant for a lot of people to hear.

In the end though it turns out to be pretty good. I have the most control over myself rather than physical objects (bottles) or other people (bartenders...?) Even as people in AA turn their wills over to God, it is still they who make the conscious decision to take their hands off the metaphysical steering wheel.

If it wasn't me, if I really had to "fight alcohol itself" so to speak, I don't know that I'd ever find any peace in life. The idea that Jack Daniels is lurking in every shadow and ready to pounce on me and force dispatch? That would be a real horror.

Lionne

Well put Isaiah
I had to deal with thge presence of alcohol from pretty early on in sobriety. Making jokes about alcohol is something I've gradually become comfortable with it in recovery. In the early days, it was more a way to deal with it, to cope with the memories of my horrible drunken escapades. And I gotta admit, somtimes the jokes wrote themselves....
I guess it's a bit like the quite macabre jokes paramedics sometimes make after a bad day. :P Now, I can just joke about it and laugh at jokes from others do it withgout any negative or awkward feelings, it's just....well, normal.

FBL

I realized very early on that alcohol wasn't going away, that I was the one that had to change. In the 18+ months that I've been sober, I've been around alcohol on several occasions and I've never once been tempted to drink it. It's very liberating to know that after nearly 30 years, a fermented liquid no longer has any hold over me. I wish everyone here could someday feel the freedom that true sobriety can bring.

Isaiah

Though I am happy that I find things much easier to deal with, I know I do get the temptations to use frequently enough. But I suppose it comes to that "selfish thinking" that they always talk about in 12 Steps.

"I feel tempted to drink, so the problem is that damn drink!" is sort of like "I keep stubbing my toe on the furniture, we must do away with furniture!"

OklaBH

That is amazing and very insightful. Thank you for posting. The wine and beer never jumped down my throat. It was me that intentionally bought it, chilled it and drank it until I was numb. Quite an eye opener.

Kjell

Nice post Isiah and I totally agree about the fact that's it's us that have to change.

You see, the same me will drink again and again and again. I simply had to change who I was.

It's only the new me that chooses sobriety and that takes work, but it does get easier.

coffeenut

In early sobriety, you don't think you'll ever feel that way...at least I didn't.

Sobriety just feel good, doesn't it?!

Nice thread!

jamdls

Very insightful post Isaiah, thank you

yeahgr8

It sure is good to be able to go out with a friend and them enjoy a couple of beers whilst i have a diet coke without either of us thinking anything about it...now that's normal behaviour:-)

ste

Kudos!
I years ago had a boss who quit smoking. I found myself smoking in his presence and said I'm sorry. He replied "none holier than a reformed wh*r*e". Didn't understand until he exlained it means he doesn't mind. I was repulsed quickly at AA meetings by ones who had a "holier than thou" attitude. If all had your attitude it would be much better for newcomers. Who knows how many were lost? Me for one, for about 15 years, but now I'm back.

I'm not kicking the table, I'm hitting it with my foot

P.S. No AA here, I'll have to lean on those of you willing.

LaFemme

Really interesting post Isaiah...but I am going to offer a dissenting opinion here

I don't hate alcohol for me personally. I consider myself blessed to no longer be controlled by the substance and know that as long as I take care of myself alcohol can no longer harm me. (Unless of course a drunk driver mows me down).

Sadly this is not the case for many. I do hate alcohol and consider it a demon. I don't feel like lighthearted joking about it is something I want to partake in...for me it's like 9-11 jokes. I know society is a long way from viewing alcohol as the harmful poison that it is, but I don't have to be a party to that.

I am going to a funeral tomorrow of a wonderful human being whose life was cut short because of years of heavy drinking that she could not stop....heart disease.

I have a cousin who is so messed up because of his alcoholic mother that he is doing the exact same thing she did, and I can only pray that his daughter doesn't go down the same path.

I know a number of girls who were raped in college and alcohol was a major contributing factor.

I have classmates who can't come to our reunions because they are dead because someone got behind a wheel drunk.

I am frankly scared for all the children in my life (I have 3 godchildren) who will have to at some point run the gauntlet of dealing with alcohol in H.S. or college. And all I can do is pray for them.

The list goes on and on...I know I can't get rid of alcohol in society, but I am not going to partake in the wink-wink, nudge-nudge attitude that our society has towards it.

If I am ever in a position to advocate for change in our views about alcohol I will do it. I'm not thinking abolition here (I'm not in favor of that for pot and cigs either), but we can work to change the way it is viewed by society. Not for ourselves but for those who are still trapped in it's grip, or yet to be exposed to it.

Tina

Boleo

I first suspected that I might be an alcoholic when I accidentally poured vodka on my cereal and beer in my orange juice. For years I did it the other way around LOL!

DayTrader

So, what cereal goes well with vodka??

Mark75

Lucky Charms.

Nice post Isaiah... I get it. I went to a party recently that included alcohol. They had real moonshine and that new alcoholic energy drink... I had a detached interest, but I did not feel I was missing a thing... It was kind of funny watching my best friend, who rarely has more than a beer or two, and when it's just the two of us, he doesn't drink at all... It was kinda funny watching him slowly start to slur and get pretty out there... something he watched me do many many times...