New here...three days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 8
New here...three days!
Hi everyone!
I know, three days doesn't seem like a lot. But it's HUGE for me.
As my name says, I am "at the bottom". For real.
Some background: Last year I got out of a horrible emotionally abusive relationship. My ex stripped away all my self worth, I wasn't allowed to have friends or family, and God Forbid if I was five minutes late leaving work to come home, or five minutes late coming home from the grocery store, because SURELY I was cheating (I wasn't). Oh yeah, he is an alcoholic, was a drug abuser and alcoholic in his youth and was "clean and sober" until he started drinking again a few years ago...and that of course was my fault (it wasn't). It got to the point where I was so scared to come home that I'd stop at the gas station on my way home from work, buy one of those four pack of bottles of wine, and stop in a random area in the fields by my house and drink them all (quickly) so I would be numb.
Anyway. I moved out to my own apartment, and my own drinking steadily increased. Why? I was lost, and still sort of am. It got to the point where I was drinking a double bottle of wine every night after work, and my days off were consumed by drinking, all day. This New Years Eve, I drank three bottles of champagne AND a double bottle of wine, all by myself in my apartment. Then I moved on to a giant bottle of gin, drank it all on Saturday. I was SO sick, so incredibly ill. Even now the thought of any sort of alcohol makes me want to vomit, I can still taste it. Thank goodness for that.
My weight? ballooned. From the calories in the alcohol, I assume. I don't even look like myself any more. My hair stopped growing, and oh yeah, I have fatty liver disease. Wake up call!!
Anyway, no one knows. I am an alcoholic. There, I said it. I've thought it many times, but never even typed it out.
So I am three days out from my last drink. I am proud, more proud than I can say. Alcoholism runs in my family, too...and we come from a family of Eastern Europeans who drink, a LOT.
I have the headache, the jumpiness, the anxiety, the insomnia. But I haven't had a drink...even today, my day off when I had nothing to do, I had soda.
And water.
Thanks everyone for this forum, because I know I will be leaning on you all a lot. I am afraid to have a setback, I think I probably will...but I am afraid to start that pattern again. I want to be healthy, I want to be ME again. The ME of ten years ago, happy and positive and so sure of herself.
((((hugs))))
Michelle
I know, three days doesn't seem like a lot. But it's HUGE for me.
As my name says, I am "at the bottom". For real.
Some background: Last year I got out of a horrible emotionally abusive relationship. My ex stripped away all my self worth, I wasn't allowed to have friends or family, and God Forbid if I was five minutes late leaving work to come home, or five minutes late coming home from the grocery store, because SURELY I was cheating (I wasn't). Oh yeah, he is an alcoholic, was a drug abuser and alcoholic in his youth and was "clean and sober" until he started drinking again a few years ago...and that of course was my fault (it wasn't). It got to the point where I was so scared to come home that I'd stop at the gas station on my way home from work, buy one of those four pack of bottles of wine, and stop in a random area in the fields by my house and drink them all (quickly) so I would be numb.
Anyway. I moved out to my own apartment, and my own drinking steadily increased. Why? I was lost, and still sort of am. It got to the point where I was drinking a double bottle of wine every night after work, and my days off were consumed by drinking, all day. This New Years Eve, I drank three bottles of champagne AND a double bottle of wine, all by myself in my apartment. Then I moved on to a giant bottle of gin, drank it all on Saturday. I was SO sick, so incredibly ill. Even now the thought of any sort of alcohol makes me want to vomit, I can still taste it. Thank goodness for that.
My weight? ballooned. From the calories in the alcohol, I assume. I don't even look like myself any more. My hair stopped growing, and oh yeah, I have fatty liver disease. Wake up call!!
Anyway, no one knows. I am an alcoholic. There, I said it. I've thought it many times, but never even typed it out.
So I am three days out from my last drink. I am proud, more proud than I can say. Alcoholism runs in my family, too...and we come from a family of Eastern Europeans who drink, a LOT.
I have the headache, the jumpiness, the anxiety, the insomnia. But I haven't had a drink...even today, my day off when I had nothing to do, I had soda.
And water.
Thanks everyone for this forum, because I know I will be leaning on you all a lot. I am afraid to have a setback, I think I probably will...but I am afraid to start that pattern again. I want to be healthy, I want to be ME again. The ME of ten years ago, happy and positive and so sure of herself.
((((hugs))))
Michelle
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 29
Hi Michelle! 
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry to hear about your troubled past and everything you went through with your ex, but glad you are safe and out of that now. I hope you can find strength and support here (I know you will).
It's hard to admit you're an alcoholic, isn't it? I had trouble typing that out here too. One thing to say it to yourself, quite another to admit it to others (even if we are in cyber space!)
CONGRATS on your first three sober days, you CAN do it!!
Keep in touch!
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry to hear about your troubled past and everything you went through with your ex, but glad you are safe and out of that now. I hope you can find strength and support here (I know you will).
It's hard to admit you're an alcoholic, isn't it? I had trouble typing that out here too. One thing to say it to yourself, quite another to admit it to others (even if we are in cyber space!)
CONGRATS on your first three sober days, you CAN do it!!
Keep in touch!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
You're on your way. Congratulations. Don't say three days isn't a lot. Three days shows you that three is possible. This means any number is possible. All it took was you not doing one thing. Just one.
You can talk to your doc about it but my doc told me to take milk thistle. It's a natural med in all pharmacies. It comes from a weed of some sort. It's very good for cleansing the toxins from the liver. I take one every day or two. Now that I don't drink, more like once or twice a week, since it's good if you're on statins and I take lipitor. A low dose, but still. I like to keep things working right.
So... Now that you're out and away from your abusive situation, this is a great opportunity to heal yourself.
The more you commit to quitting, and the more days that pass, the more you will know there's nothing in the world that can stop you from going all the way. It's simply not doing one simple thing again. Everything else is all yours.
Good luck and welcome to sobriety. Sobriety is a choice not a restriction. You can do it.
You can talk to your doc about it but my doc told me to take milk thistle. It's a natural med in all pharmacies. It comes from a weed of some sort. It's very good for cleansing the toxins from the liver. I take one every day or two. Now that I don't drink, more like once or twice a week, since it's good if you're on statins and I take lipitor. A low dose, but still. I like to keep things working right.
So... Now that you're out and away from your abusive situation, this is a great opportunity to heal yourself.
The more you commit to quitting, and the more days that pass, the more you will know there's nothing in the world that can stop you from going all the way. It's simply not doing one simple thing again. Everything else is all yours.
Good luck and welcome to sobriety. Sobriety is a choice not a restriction. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Just want to welcome you also Michelle.
3 days is great
Im only on day 1 and sweating like a pig now.
This is not a normal sweat either, it smells absolutley vile.
This is the place to be for us.
3 days is great
Im only on day 1 and sweating like a pig now.
This is not a normal sweat either, it smells absolutley vile.
This is the place to be for us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 65
Welcome, ATB. Three days is fantastic! I've just completed day 30, and I was feeling the same way you are in the first few days...it was very hard to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. I think I'm past that now...I don't care how I label myself, I just know I don't want to drink anymore. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing about your progress.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to our recovery family!
YOu're only 'at the bottom' if you stay there.
You're choosing to stop digging and get out. That's a good thing and will make your life so much better. I've got a year sober now and my life has never been so good. I'm glad you found us!
YOu're only 'at the bottom' if you stay there. You're choosing to stop digging and get out. That's a good thing and will make your life so much better. I've got a year sober now and my life has never been so good. I'm glad you found us! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 265
Congratulations and welcome! 3 days is an awesome start! So glad you are here! My first husband was controlling like that. Only mine was so paranoid, one time he introduced me to one of his friends and I looked the guy in the eyes while shaking his hand, after we left he asked what was going on between us because he "saw" how we looked at each other. So the next time we saw the guy, I didn't look at him, I just gave him a casual wave. After we left, my husband again accused me, asking me how come we couldn't look at each other? What were we hiding? Sheesh! Glad those days are over for you and me both! Now that you have admitted you're problem, you are on your way toward the happy life you were intended!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 60
Hi Michelle:
"I'm afraid to have a setback, I think I probably will . . ."
Stay in today. "Just for today." When, on Tuesday, I think "I'll never get through the weekend without alcohol" I tell myself, "I will stay sober today, and if I still want to drink on the weekend, I will." Some how, for some reason, when the weekend comes I still don't drink, "just for today."
I've been sober 16 months, and I have gotten through many times when I thought I would probably drink by not drinking "just for today."
Hang in there. It gets better and easier. We're all here for you.
"I'm afraid to have a setback, I think I probably will . . ."
Stay in today. "Just for today." When, on Tuesday, I think "I'll never get through the weekend without alcohol" I tell myself, "I will stay sober today, and if I still want to drink on the weekend, I will." Some how, for some reason, when the weekend comes I still don't drink, "just for today."
I've been sober 16 months, and I have gotten through many times when I thought I would probably drink by not drinking "just for today."
Hang in there. It gets better and easier. We're all here for you.
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Three days is great.....most of us have been there. I remember telling someone that I had 10 days. I was so proud of myself but to someone that wasn't a drinker it was nothing. We all understand here at SR....Welcome..
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Awesome Bottom! Thanks for the Post. 3 days IS a heck of a lot. You need to keep going with it. Sounds like you are ready to turn things around for yourself.
I want to find a lot of me from ten years ago too!
Good luck and keep us posted.
I want to find a lot of me from ten years ago too!
Good luck and keep us posted.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
It's wonderful you found us! You have a great attitude & that will see you through. I remember those first few days and they were horrible - getting past them is a huge milestone. Sorry for all that you've been through - may this brand new year be your best yet - you're on your way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Glad you have aboard! You'll find a lot of people with valuable experience drinking, recovering, and ultimately cherishing every day of their new sober lives. Amazing things await you -- keep it up!
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