endangered

There are some here who may remember me. I first came here when my husband went into recovery (again) for painkiller addiction in Feb. 2010. I set my boundries but it did little good. He injured his knee (torn meniscus & cracked bone in his lower leg) in early June. He didn't tell them he was a recovering addict (not really since he was and still is smoking pot). He took hydrocodone prescribed from the ER for a few weeks after. Had no insurance so we couldn't afford the surgery he needed at the time. He has been prescribed the pills off and on ever since then. He got a great job (couldn't believe it) and got insurance and finally had surgery Dec. 15. They prescribed hydrocodone 5/500 1 pill 6 times per day as needed for pain. He got new prescriptions on the 21st and 30th and is now seeking another refill. He has taken them responsibly but doesn't seem to need them much. He is walking fine, no problem doing PT, not complaining but still wanting prescriptions. Clearly my boundries do not exist since his injury. I am not sure what to do at this point. I appreciate any input!
Thanks!

suki44883

Welcome back. You do realize that boundaries are for YOU, not rules for him to follow, don't you? Only you can decide what you will and will not live with. Have you considered attending nar-anon meetings?

atalose

When you set YOUR boundaries what thoughts were going through your mind if they were broken?

JMFburns

My thoughts are similar, what are YOUR boundaries and what are the consequences?

You can only control your own actions and your own behaviors. If, for example, one of your boundaries is no drug use and that is not happening, one of you leaves.

Also, the face to face support you'll find at NarAnon or AlAnon would be helpful.

endangered

I do attend al anon when I can but we are very rural and often times I am the only one there. I also have small children and no sitter sometimes. My boundries were "my boundries". They were clear. At least no drug use other than pot. I know many of you disagree with the pot decision but that was my boundry. Obviously I was not counting on an injury and a surgery. I felt this changed things and he needed them to control the pain, which, at the beginning was pretty bad and after surgery and for PT the doc said he needed them. Naturally they were unaware of his history. I didn't think it was my place to tell them and he said they would blacklist him and he would never be able to get pain relief for his kidney stones (he has had 20 some in his life) or in the event of an accident or something. I guess I feel that the injury and subsequent surgery justified limited responsible usage but also know the dangers of any usage. Not sure what to do now that I KNOW he doesn't need them anymore.

suki44883

Maybe reemphasize your boundary and don't let him talk you out of it? He'll try, you know.

endangered

Thanks everyone. I don't think the doc is going to refill it anymore so now is the time. This will tell the tell. Either he will quit completely or he will go look on the streets. Guess there is more watching and waiting ahead. Meanwhile I think I will get back into my step program.

hello-kitty

This is a rule, not a boundary. It is an attempt to control and change someone elses behavior. Which does not work. We must focusing on controlling and changing our own behavior.

A boundary is an I-statement.

I will not live with someone who uses drugs besides pot.

And then there is a consequence.

If I suspect this is happening I will look start looking for somewhere else to live and move out.

And if there is no consequence then it's not a boundary it's an empty threat and it's pointless.

If you aren't willing to follow through on consequences, in order to be true to yourself, you either need to change your boundary or change your situation.