jen928

i broke off contact with my mom in sept. haven't spoken since the 24th of that month....found out yesterday she was married on the 10th of december. she was in liver failure about 6 years ago, sober up for four years and has been drinking again for the past two years. she met this guy a year ago and now they are married. many friends of hers, family members of mine, and myself are worried that this guy is out to get her money.
this whole situation has been so confused, hurt, sad, worried, pissed, angry, etc. she refuses to speak to me....and not bc of an argument we had but bc the last time i saw her, i asked her to take my help and lets get her into treatment etc and if she wouldn't, then i would have to cut her out of my life and her grandson's life.
i tried to contact her about three weeks after that last visit. i've called so many times. after hearing that she was married, i think it's best if i just cut my losses bc the woman i used to know would have NEVER broken contact with me or her grandson.

jen928

i thought i'd get at least one response...i'm having a really hard time dealing with no contact from my mom. emotionally it's really affecting me. i'm hurt and angry over this entire thing. i feel like she's thrown myself and my son away. i have no cousins, no brothers/sisters/no uncles/aunts. she was all i had left from that part of my family. does anyone have any experience with wernicke korsakoff syndrome? i'm afraid that she has some brain damage due to her recent change in personality and doing things that she wouldn't normally due. she just recently started smoking pot and went so far as to smoke a joint in front of my son (as soon as i realize her and her boyfriend were smoking in the kitchen with him in the living room, i took him outside). this was one of the main factors leading me to cutting her out of our life.

tjp613

Maybe if you ask the mods to move your thread to the Friends and Family forum you will get more responses -- it gets a lot more traffic than this one.

It sounds to me like she is respecting the boundary that you constructed, is she not? She is clearly making her choice and she's chosen alcohol. You have stated that you would cut her out of your life if she made that choice, so ask yourself -- what are you expecting by trying to contact her? Frankly, it sounds to me like she is doing you a big favor.

suki44883

Yeah, have a mod move your thread to the F&F forum. So far as your mom goes, I know it's hard, but you were willing to cut her out of your life and her grandson's life if she didn't do what you wanted. It sounds like she's made that decision for herself. As an adult, she has the right to live her life however she wants, but you also have the right to decide what you will allow your son to be exposed to.

jen928

i know you are both right and i did make the choice for my son and myself. it still doesn't mean that i don't miss my mom or that it doesn't hurt knowing that she wants nothing to do with us.

jen928

what am i expecting? i don't know...i just want my mom back and i guess i'm having a hard time excepting it. honestly, sometimes i just wish she would've never sobered up...it was a tease for me. she was a drunk my entire life and then she sobered up for four years (right before i found out i was pregnant with my first child). those four years were nothing but a tease...a tease on how good of a mom and grandma she could be. i loved it and even though i suffered through nightmares during that time of her relapsing, it was an awesome ride with her and i never truly thought she would relapse, she even made it through the death of my stepdad and yet two years after that she had a glass of wine at a women's club meeting and has gone downhill since then.
it's just heartbreaking to see what a wonderful person she became only to see her slide back into alcoholism, depression, etc.
You are both very right that she's probably doing me a favor, as I've already seen her at the brink of death before, I certainly don't need to see it again and I definitely don't want my son to ever go through watching someone like that. BUT even when I tell myself this, it doesn't deaden the pain of losing a parent, even if it was my own choice.

StarCat

...at least you got some good memories in the process? Sometimes it feels so cruel to see what was almost but was never truly real... I am still suffering through some things myself, my A was sober the first year we started dating, but it went downhill from there, and even the first year was not roses like I believed at the time. Still, I learned a lot, and I have a lot of wonderful memories, so while I do regret suffering through this, in a way I am still glad I got to see the "almosts"?

(((jen)))
Chasing ghosts of shadows won't help you put your own life and needs in order. If she ever chooses to quit the alcohol I am sure she will find her way back to you, and if she doesn't... Well, the alcohol caused enough problems that you drew your boundary about it, so even though it may not feel like it, she is truly doing you a favor.