Life after ecstasy.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mass
Posts: 5
Life after ecstasy.
Hello everybody
I'm an ex etard of 11 years. When I first started doing xtc, I only did it on special occasions or when I'm out clubbing. I usually do 1 pill a weekend and sometimes when I'm busy I don't even do it at all for a month or two until a special occasion comes up.
Well, I met an old friend in 2005 and he was a bigger etard than I was, and he also sells it. Story is starting to get exciting right?
I started chilling with him again and that's how my life went down hill. I started doing 2-3 every week and by 2006 I was doing 10 or so every week. This was all done only on weekends and sometimes I end up with no sleep for work on monday. It got so bad I ended up doing it even on working days just to give myself a boost at work every now and then.
I ended doing so much that I would grind my teeth like crazy and picked up on a VERY bad habit. I started grinding my teeth while sleeping and I look like a meth user with meth mouth now. Because of it I moved and I lost my social life and self confidence. I work at odd jobs like at the farm or anywhere I don't have to communicate with people much because of my awful smile. I slowly pushed myself away from xtc in 2008 and started doing coke as an alternative. With coke I don't grind my teeth at night anymore....
My teeth is so bad now that I get dirty looks once people notice my teeth and you know how most people are. Sometimes I'd get talked down, but they don't do it directly. Most would just make snide remarks or pretend to whisper, but they know I can hear it.
I been off xtc/coke since my 30th birthday in October of last year and haven't touched it since. I also quit drinking and I'm doing this all on my own because I don't really know where to go for help. I've thought about calling the suicide hotline many times just to try and get some resource for help, but I'm afraid 30 cop cars might end up in front of my house. With all the attention I get nowadays, I really don't need anymore.
Well, it's winter now and I got no work. I still live at home with my parents feeling like there's no hope left for me. I really want to turn my life around and feel normal once more. I want to go out with friends like I used to back then, SMILE, and live life like I once lived. I want to smile at someone and get a smile back instead of the usual dirty look.
Now I just wake up everyday asking myself the same question.....what am I gonna do with myself......?
I'm an ex etard of 11 years. When I first started doing xtc, I only did it on special occasions or when I'm out clubbing. I usually do 1 pill a weekend and sometimes when I'm busy I don't even do it at all for a month or two until a special occasion comes up.
Well, I met an old friend in 2005 and he was a bigger etard than I was, and he also sells it. Story is starting to get exciting right?
I started chilling with him again and that's how my life went down hill. I started doing 2-3 every week and by 2006 I was doing 10 or so every week. This was all done only on weekends and sometimes I end up with no sleep for work on monday. It got so bad I ended up doing it even on working days just to give myself a boost at work every now and then.
I ended doing so much that I would grind my teeth like crazy and picked up on a VERY bad habit. I started grinding my teeth while sleeping and I look like a meth user with meth mouth now. Because of it I moved and I lost my social life and self confidence. I work at odd jobs like at the farm or anywhere I don't have to communicate with people much because of my awful smile. I slowly pushed myself away from xtc in 2008 and started doing coke as an alternative. With coke I don't grind my teeth at night anymore....
My teeth is so bad now that I get dirty looks once people notice my teeth and you know how most people are. Sometimes I'd get talked down, but they don't do it directly. Most would just make snide remarks or pretend to whisper, but they know I can hear it.
I been off xtc/coke since my 30th birthday in October of last year and haven't touched it since. I also quit drinking and I'm doing this all on my own because I don't really know where to go for help. I've thought about calling the suicide hotline many times just to try and get some resource for help, but I'm afraid 30 cop cars might end up in front of my house. With all the attention I get nowadays, I really don't need anymore.
Well, it's winter now and I got no work. I still live at home with my parents feeling like there's no hope left for me. I really want to turn my life around and feel normal once more. I want to go out with friends like I used to back then, SMILE, and live life like I once lived. I want to smile at someone and get a smile back instead of the usual dirty look.
Now I just wake up everyday asking myself the same question.....what am I gonna do with myself......?
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Sorry to hear that with your drug problem but it looks like you got over it and stop using all together. You need to take it one step at a time. Your still alone and you have family sponsor which is a good thing. Keep looking for a job in do time you will have one and you can save up for fake teeth to help with your smile. You can also look for an NA/AA meet if you need help with your drug problem.
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by eviLution 
Well, it's winter now and I got no work. I still live at home with my parents feeling like there's no hope left for me. I really want to turn my life around and feel normal once more. I want to go out with friends like I used to back then, SMILE, and live life like I once lived. I want to smile at someone and get a smile back instead of the usual dirty look.
Now I just wake up everyday asking myself the same question.....what am I gonna do with myself......?
Hey, there is always, Always, ALWAYS hope. I can understand being upset about your teeth, a great smile is very important in our society and your own self-confidence. A new set of teeth is a huge possibility for your my friend...just don't lose faith. With time the money to get your teeth fixed will come, just keep making the right choices.
I've never done X or coke (I was a professional drunk mainly), but I can relate to you on the suicide hotline and the question you ask yourself everyday (what am I gonna do with myself?).
Just the other day, I was reeling from depression and anxiety so badly from the night prior that I posted about it on this board and the fine folks here helped me. What I didn't mention was the night prior I was having some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced and I was, quite literally, on my knees praying for the strength to get through it as tears crashed upon my carpet.
I decided to try my luck at a suicide website, not because I was considering suicide but because I figured if the info out there could help calm someone down who is thinking about suicide, it may calm me down. It worked. I also found an anxiety chat room (it was the middle of the night so I couldn't call my family or friends) and those fine folks helped too. Reaching out is the way to do it, just as you have done.
I still ask myself, "what am I gonna do with myself?" everyday but as long as I try to improve in all areas of my life that certainly helps. It is a fortunate thing, a luxury, to be able to ponder such questions really...try to focus on that.
I'm glad you're here, you'll find more support here than you can shake a stick at. The people here, in my opinion and not including myself, are some of the most amazing I have ever encountered. It's one of the few places that kindness is not confused for weakness. The wisdom, love, intelligence, encouragement, and pain that fills this forum on a daily basis is overwhelmingly beautiful - a true orchestra of the human soul.
Stick around and keep posting! Things will get better.
Last edited by Untoxicated; 01-05-2011 at 01:50 AM. Reason: Speling and gramer iz hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mass
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack
Sorry to hear that with your drug problem but it looks like you got over it and stop using all together. You need to take it one step at a time. Your still alone and you have family sponsor which is a good thing. Keep looking for a job in do time you will have one and you can save up for fake teeth to help with your smile. You can also look for an NA/AA meet if you need help with your drug problem.
Originally Posted by Untoxicated
Welcome to the family eviLution.
Hey, there is always, Always, ALWAYS hope. I can understand being upset about your teeth, a great smile is very important in our society and your own self-confidence. A new set of teeth is a huge possibility for your my friend...just don't lose faith. With time the money to get your teeth fixed will come, just keep making the right choices.
I've never done X or coke (I was a professional drunk mainly), but I can relate to you on the suicide hotline and the question you ask yourself everyday (what am I gonna do with myself?).
Just the other day, I was reeling from depression and anxiety so badly from the night prior that I posted about it on this board and the fine folks here helped me. What I didn't mention was the night prior I was having some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced and I was, quite literally, on my knees praying for the strength to get through it as tears crashed upon my carpet.
I decided to try my luck at a suicide website, not because I was considering suicide but because I figured if the info out there could help calm someone down who is thinking about suicide, it may calm me down. It worked. I also found an anxiety chat room (it was the middle of the night so I couldn't call my family or friends) and those fine folks helped too. Reaching out is the way to do it, just as you have done.
I still ask myself, "what am I gonna do with myself?" everyday but as long as I try to improve in all areas of my life that certainly helps. It is a fortunate thing, a luxury, to be able to ponder such questions really...try to focus on that.
I'm glad you're here, you'll find more support here than you can shake a stick at. The people here, in my opinion and not including myself, are some of the most amazing I have ever encountered. It's one of the few places that kindness is not confused for weakness. The wisdom, love, intelligence, encouragement, and pain that fills this forum on a daily basis is overwhelmingly beautiful - a true orchestra of the human soul.
Stick around and keep posting! Things will get better.
Hey, there is always, Always, ALWAYS hope. I can understand being upset about your teeth, a great smile is very important in our society and your own self-confidence. A new set of teeth is a huge possibility for your my friend...just don't lose faith. With time the money to get your teeth fixed will come, just keep making the right choices.
I've never done X or coke (I was a professional drunk mainly), but I can relate to you on the suicide hotline and the question you ask yourself everyday (what am I gonna do with myself?).
Just the other day, I was reeling from depression and anxiety so badly from the night prior that I posted about it on this board and the fine folks here helped me. What I didn't mention was the night prior I was having some of the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced and I was, quite literally, on my knees praying for the strength to get through it as tears crashed upon my carpet.
I decided to try my luck at a suicide website, not because I was considering suicide but because I figured if the info out there could help calm someone down who is thinking about suicide, it may calm me down. It worked. I also found an anxiety chat room (it was the middle of the night so I couldn't call my family or friends) and those fine folks helped too. Reaching out is the way to do it, just as you have done.
I still ask myself, "what am I gonna do with myself?" everyday but as long as I try to improve in all areas of my life that certainly helps. It is a fortunate thing, a luxury, to be able to ponder such questions really...try to focus on that.
I'm glad you're here, you'll find more support here than you can shake a stick at. The people here, in my opinion and not including myself, are some of the most amazing I have ever encountered. It's one of the few places that kindness is not confused for weakness. The wisdom, love, intelligence, encouragement, and pain that fills this forum on a daily basis is overwhelmingly beautiful - a true orchestra of the human soul.
Stick around and keep posting! Things will get better.
How is NA like and is it free?
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
AA and NA are both free and many people claim they owe their lives to these programs. I don't have much experience with them but there are plenty here who do and will likely give you more information.
Alcoholics Anonymous :
www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous :
www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome eviLution
Glad you found us
I used to be very self conscious about my teeth too - I'd neglected them for many years as an active alcoholic.
After I got into recovery tho it seemed to matter less, but I was still thrilled to eventually have the chance to get them fixed - I'm not an American so I don't know what avenues you have there, but I'm sure if you stay focused and stay clean you'll get there too
Support is vital I think.
I found it can be a little empty just...stopping. I found I had to change myself as much as I had to change my life - but I wanted to - and I'm glad I did.
I hope you do follow up the AA/NA links
D
Glad you found us
I used to be very self conscious about my teeth too - I'd neglected them for many years as an active alcoholic.
After I got into recovery tho it seemed to matter less, but I was still thrilled to eventually have the chance to get them fixed - I'm not an American so I don't know what avenues you have there, but I'm sure if you stay focused and stay clean you'll get there too
Support is vital I think.
I found it can be a little empty just...stopping. I found I had to change myself as much as I had to change my life - but I wanted to - and I'm glad I did.
I hope you do follow up the AA/NA links
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mass
Posts: 5
Thank you very much. 
Yeah. The more I started abusing XTC, the more I started neglecting my health.
I felt like I almost overdosed quite a few times, but this one time it was so bad I ended up on my knees asking for help from Jesus. Guess what happened right after?
The church bell rang right after I asked for help. I've lived at that apt for a few months and never really notice the church bell ringing. Maybe I was never really home enough at that time to notice it. Well, that little incident got me questioning myself if it was really an answer to my prayers?
You know what's funny about the whole situation? I'm atheist
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome eviLution
Glad you found us
I used to be very self conscious about my teeth too - I'd neglected them for many years as an active alcoholic.
After I got into recovery tho it seemed to matter less, but I was still thrilled to eventually have the chance to get them fixed - I'm not an American so I don't know what avenues you have there, but I'm sure if you stay focused and stay clean you'll get there too
Support is vital I think.
I found it can be a little empty just...stopping. I found I had to change myself as much as I had to change my life - but I wanted to - and I'm glad I did.
I hope you do follow up the AA/NA links
D
Glad you found us
I used to be very self conscious about my teeth too - I'd neglected them for many years as an active alcoholic.
After I got into recovery tho it seemed to matter less, but I was still thrilled to eventually have the chance to get them fixed - I'm not an American so I don't know what avenues you have there, but I'm sure if you stay focused and stay clean you'll get there too
Support is vital I think.
I found it can be a little empty just...stopping. I found I had to change myself as much as I had to change my life - but I wanted to - and I'm glad I did.
I hope you do follow up the AA/NA links
D
I felt like I almost overdosed quite a few times, but this one time it was so bad I ended up on my knees asking for help from Jesus. Guess what happened right after?
The church bell rang right after I asked for help. I've lived at that apt for a few months and never really notice the church bell ringing. Maybe I was never really home enough at that time to notice it. Well, that little incident got me questioning myself if it was really an answer to my prayers?
You know what's funny about the whole situation? I'm atheist
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