new here..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Albany, IN
Posts: 20
new here..
Hi everyone. I am new here and first I would like to thank everyone of you for being here. This site is a huge blessing!
My man and I have been dating for a year, now engaged. He is a recovering addict, having 7 years before he relapsed for a few months last year. Although we have struggled to make this relationship work for the entirety of this year, everything is looking up.
He told me of his heroine addiction and his dedication to this program from the beginning, i was simply awe struck! I found a very dedicated man that not only fought for what he knew he needed for himself, he was sharing with others and speaking to large crowds.
I didnt know of his relapse until he was on the way to the hospital for detox, I had a hunch but wouldnt dare throw that out there without knowing. He was drinking at the time and had stopped going to church and meetings regulary so I had a good idea, little did I realize that he could not control any mind altering substance. The way he puts it is that after that one it sets off his allergic reaction for more. At first I was just so eccstatic that he had gone to rehab again and is doing best again. i though 'yes! its over!' After he stopped using again I realized that his addiction is concurrent of something much deeper. Now I can see in greater detail the actual disease itself (in him and myself) I am still very willing and wanting to marry him. I see the wonderfully loving, God fearing, compassionate man he is despite this vice. I have also come to realize that my behaviours, actions and reactions were very sickly and I want so much to overcome this so that I can be fully happy regardless of his mood. I find that all the time my moods are based on how we are doing as a couple or how he is mentally, physically and emotionally. I must fix this! I not only need and deserve to be my own person with my own thoughts and feelings but I need to be myself in order to be happy.
So I was reading about codependency, the 12 steps and the first step notes. I have been more than ready to hand this over to God yet I feared for so long that it wouldnt work.. so many times I would pray with my concerns (as I have a sometimes paralyzing panic disorder) and still be left with this gut wrenching feeling inside. I also found the first edition of the Big Book online and as if miraculously I ran accross a personal story called 'The fearful One'. The anxiety that God took away from this man is very similar to mine. I found myself (yet again) feeling physically ill today because my man wasn't being very understanding and I allowed my fears to nag at my guts. I went to my bedroom and prayed just a short yet ernest prayer asking God to help me, that I KNEW I had no control over anything but myself. Wouldnt you know, Just like the story 'The fearful One' I also was relieved immediately! This is just the first step, but my how my faith has already grown! So I offer up my story as well, cos I truly believe that this program only works when worked completely including sharing.
Again, thank you all so much for your stories and your dedication.
My man and I have been dating for a year, now engaged. He is a recovering addict, having 7 years before he relapsed for a few months last year. Although we have struggled to make this relationship work for the entirety of this year, everything is looking up.
He told me of his heroine addiction and his dedication to this program from the beginning, i was simply awe struck! I found a very dedicated man that not only fought for what he knew he needed for himself, he was sharing with others and speaking to large crowds.
I didnt know of his relapse until he was on the way to the hospital for detox, I had a hunch but wouldnt dare throw that out there without knowing. He was drinking at the time and had stopped going to church and meetings regulary so I had a good idea, little did I realize that he could not control any mind altering substance. The way he puts it is that after that one it sets off his allergic reaction for more. At first I was just so eccstatic that he had gone to rehab again and is doing best again. i though 'yes! its over!' After he stopped using again I realized that his addiction is concurrent of something much deeper. Now I can see in greater detail the actual disease itself (in him and myself) I am still very willing and wanting to marry him. I see the wonderfully loving, God fearing, compassionate man he is despite this vice. I have also come to realize that my behaviours, actions and reactions were very sickly and I want so much to overcome this so that I can be fully happy regardless of his mood. I find that all the time my moods are based on how we are doing as a couple or how he is mentally, physically and emotionally. I must fix this! I not only need and deserve to be my own person with my own thoughts and feelings but I need to be myself in order to be happy.
So I was reading about codependency, the 12 steps and the first step notes. I have been more than ready to hand this over to God yet I feared for so long that it wouldnt work.. so many times I would pray with my concerns (as I have a sometimes paralyzing panic disorder) and still be left with this gut wrenching feeling inside. I also found the first edition of the Big Book online and as if miraculously I ran accross a personal story called 'The fearful One'. The anxiety that God took away from this man is very similar to mine. I found myself (yet again) feeling physically ill today because my man wasn't being very understanding and I allowed my fears to nag at my guts. I went to my bedroom and prayed just a short yet ernest prayer asking God to help me, that I KNEW I had no control over anything but myself. Wouldnt you know, Just like the story 'The fearful One' I also was relieved immediately! This is just the first step, but my how my faith has already grown! So I offer up my story as well, cos I truly believe that this program only works when worked completely including sharing.
Again, thank you all so much for your stories and your dedication.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR, and thank you for sharing your story.
As bad as the circumstances we experience may be, there is often a good side, a "strangely wrapped gift" is what I call it, that comes as we process what is happening and begin to take care of ourselves.
Keep taking good care of yourself. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here.
And keep posting and sharing your experience, strength and hope here, we all walk together on this journey.
Hugs
As bad as the circumstances we experience may be, there is often a good side, a "strangely wrapped gift" is what I call it, that comes as we process what is happening and begin to take care of ourselves.
Keep taking good care of yourself. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here.
And keep posting and sharing your experience, strength and hope here, we all walk together on this journey.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hey there....welcome to SR. I'm glad you found us. I hope that you find comfort here. I certainly have.
You are already doing so much to find serenity for yourself! It takes many years for some of us (speaking for myself here). I'm sorry to hear that your man relapsed after such a long time being clean and sober. Hopefully he is back on the path and will be ready to strive for many more years of sobriety.
Alanon and Naranon programs help us to find peace......whether our loved one is using or not.
Again......welcome.....we'll look forward to hearing more from you.
gentle hugs
You are already doing so much to find serenity for yourself! It takes many years for some of us (speaking for myself here). I'm sorry to hear that your man relapsed after such a long time being clean and sober. Hopefully he is back on the path and will be ready to strive for many more years of sobriety.
Alanon and Naranon programs help us to find peace......whether our loved one is using or not.
Again......welcome.....we'll look forward to hearing more from you.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Albany, IN
Posts: 20
thank you so much and Kindeyes I am really no different in the amount of time it has taken me to surrender to this. My ex husband is an addict as well, i didnt even know until after i had left.. this was 11 yrs ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!! I came here, because I was an RA (recovering addict), but I was drawn to this forum, because though I'd known I was a codie (codependent) for years (okay, decades), I hadn't been willing to do anything about it. I've had 3 relationships with A's, one for more than 20 years, and TBH, have never HAD a "normal" relationship.
SR has been a huge help to me, on both of my recoveries. I've learned I have to take care of myself, love myself. I hope you continue to read and post here, and maybe check out the meetings listed above. It saddens me that he relapsed after 7 years, as I have almost 4 years, but I work my recovery as my life depends on it...because it does. My codie recovery is equally, if not more, important. If I get bogged down in what someone else is doing, I lose track of me, and that's just not a good thing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR has been a huge help to me, on both of my recoveries. I've learned I have to take care of myself, love myself. I hope you continue to read and post here, and maybe check out the meetings listed above. It saddens me that he relapsed after 7 years, as I have almost 4 years, but I work my recovery as my life depends on it...because it does. My codie recovery is equally, if not more, important. If I get bogged down in what someone else is doing, I lose track of me, and that's just not a good thing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Albany, IN
Posts: 20
thank you for your posts, it also saddens me that after 7 years he turned back. i am very thankful though that it only lasted a few months and he really is back on track. he's spending all of his free time at his club even when there's not a meeting and he has begun speaking again.
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