Hudstar

Hi all, it feels good to be back on SR.

It's feels even better to be able to say that I finally have both feet in Recovery. Long story-short, like anyone here, my drinking kept me in a very dark place for a very long time. A few months ago, whatever fire in me that had been kept alive by my addiction winked out and I found myself on my knees, finally begging for the help I so desperately needed. Two months in a rehab clinic and I've been out for about four weeks. In the real world. Sober.

More than just a detox, those two months I spent in treatment were very profound. I came back out of my shell after so long and actually started to like myself a little bit. I learnt how to interact with people again and to meet responsibilities. They immersed me in AA and the steps, I applied myself as best I could and, ultimately, emerged from rehab confident, relatively healthy and ready to take my first steps in Sobriety back in the world.

Except, within only two weeks I found myself right back where I started. I don't mean -fortunately- that I have picked up a drink again; I haven't. Rather, that all my behaviours prior to treatment have returned in all their gloomy glory.

When I drank, I would closet myself away in my room at my computer for as long as I could. I still do.

I hid from responsibilities and kept my distance from loved ones. I still do.

I stay up late, get up late. I eat poorly, chain-smoke cigarettes like a maniac, drink oceans of coffee and graze constantly on fine chocolate. Just as before (only swap coffee for three bottles of wine a night).

In short, I am doing everything I was warned not to do. I tried to get involved with my local AA groups as advised but my self-conciousness and innate unease with AA (which treatment still couldn't break, sadly) has crept back and kept me away for the most part.

And so I live each day in this idle bubble; bored, restless and very discontent. After nearly three months sober, having had very few actual cravings for drink, only now have thoughts of drinking begun to sneak surreptitiously back into my mind again. Of course they have. A drink is the only missing part of this miserably familiar picture that has been steadily reforming itself right in front of my eyes.

I have only myself to blame but by being honest about it here, with you, I can be honest with myself and see things for what they really are:

That, currently, I am a 'Dry Drunk'.


Thanks for listening.

Dee74

I realised I needed to change my life far more than just not drinking.

Little changes were enough to start with - if I found myself isolating, I reached out, if I felt bitter or resentful or sad I thought of the many things I needed to be grateful for, if I felt I was living to much in my own head, I made sure I did some service work of some kind.

You;re only limited by your imagination really, I think, Hud. What do you want your life to be like? what do you want to be like? Make it so

I've put a lot of effort into staying sober - it seemed silly to me to stop there.

D

DayTrader

I concur. Early on in recovery, my most highly respected mentor told me that I'd soon realize that the drinking and allllllllll the problems associated with it would be 10% or less of what was really messed up in my life. I reeeally didn't want to believe him but, deep down, I figured he was probably telling me the truth.

My personal experience now tells me he wasn't kidding. Sometimes I wonder if the drinking was even as high as TEN percent.....

I've been a dry-drunk too.....did it for months and months. Thankfully, the pain got so bad that I knew it was either press forward......and quickly......or to back to where I came from.

Nyte Byrd

I can only tell you that your chances to get sober are the same as anyone else's. Just see what others did and do the same. But I think you sound like me, and have reaized, just sitting at a PC solely just isn't going to cut the mustard. Although it may sound as if your AA experiences may not have reaped any benefits you sought, they may just have in some seeds that just may need to develop yet.

I would not totally abandon any ideas of getting back to some meetings there. I remember feeling quite discouraged at some points early on, but in 'time' I eventually began to 'hear' some messages that gave me the hope to cling to that kept me coming back.

I wish you the best on your present journey.

...as we trudge this path.

Ghostly

Thanks for sharing. This was a really interesting Post, and the quote above is really telling.

Readin your Post it is clear you have identified the problem. You have quit drinking but not dealt with the underlying issue. What is it? Depression, anxiety something else?

Try to figure that out and deal with it. Make some changes. You can do this. It is up to you.

yeahgr8

Why not get over your innate unease with AA, including any "tongue in cheek" views about the program or God, and say **** you to your alcoholic thinking that is leading you back to the bottle and go to a meeting?

See this is where non-alcoholics won't have a clue what you are talking about...the only advice you will get will be get a hobby or get some meds from the docs!

If you can accept that one morning you aren't going to wake up and magically change and go and get into a program of recovery, ask someone with long term sobriety to help you do the work and change then you will have a different life...

Read the replies you get and think about them...can you really think this through, haven't you been here many, many times before?

Snarf

Yeah, I pretty much agree with all the previous comments. Early on I think you have to focus on changing small things. At first, like with anything, you need to take baby steps. The sober time and treatment you received are a great start, but unfortunately you're not out in the "real world" while going through that. I think it's only natural that you would want to go back to a sense of familiarity upon ending your stay in rehab. But now is when the real work begins. Now is when you take some of the tools you acquired in those 2 months and learn how to apply them to daily living.

In the beginning, it may be easiest to focus on small things like cooking 1 meal every day, or washing and folding laundry at a scheduled time. These things help to break up your old routine and establish a new one. They are also productive things to do without alcohol. As far as venturing outside the home, again, take it slow. I didn't really have that option as I was a bartender (probably not the profession of choice for most alcoholics, but I kinda like the idea of alcohol paying my bills...I spent so much time and money on booze that now it owes me), so I was in a social setting every single day, not to mention going to school 2 days a week. But I'm sure there are activities that could help you with that.

I do know that going to meetings would be a great way to get out and meet some sober people. I myself had issues with AA a few years ago, but then I realized that it's helped so many people, and so many different kinds of people with countless religious beliefs and ethnic and family backgrounds, that there's really no reason it shouldn't be able to help me, right? And it has, greatly, but SR is my daily constant.

I hope you're able to get out of this funk you're in. I know you can. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Antiderivative

Honestly, it could be something as simple as your diet. Most alcoholics are hypoglycemic and in early abstinence, hypoglycemia can mask itself for the so-called dry drunk syndrome. (Just scroll halfway down on the link below and look at the comparison table).

I am not telling you this in order for you to avoid any group help. Plus, you may well have some deeper issues beyond lack of a proper diet and exercise. You may well benefit from AA or a different type of support group. I most certainly do, but don't ignore the power of a good diet and your potential to be hypoglycemic. Your excessive refined sugar, caffeine, and nicotine consumption may be causing some or exacerbating your "dry drunk" symptoms. Even Bill Wilson studied this link, but unfortunately his research never made it into the Big Book. I think it would be very beneficial to have a chapter on proper diet and hypoglycemia.

Identifying & correcting the biochemical disruption of hypoglycemia and alcoholism

Ghostly

Great Post Antiderative! It's not just about those of us with no real sober time, that don't do AA, telling others to get a hobby and get on meds! I think there could be diet issues here as well.

I do not take AA, although I have a lot of respect for SOME people in it. There are more than just one ways to stay clean. There are ways outside AA, if someone chooses. On SR alone, there are many people that are sober, and have been for years, and their primary support system is SR.

My primary support system is SR. So no...I would not tell someone in Hudstar's situation to "get a hobby" or get on meds. I think Hudstar needs to work on what is making them drink, and to identify the problem, and work to fix it. This may mean expanding or finding a support system, or talking to someone that is a mental health professional. Potentially maybe therapy would be enough.

So Hudstar...I wish you the best. Whether it's AA, NA, counseling or some combination. Just realize AA is not the only program out there, and you can find support from other f2f support.

I think this goes deeper than you needing a hobby. Good luck Hud.

Keep us posted.

splendra

dry drunk= large and in charge

Hudstar

Thanks for this, Anti. I was aware of the need to pay attention to body chemistry , diet and such. Guess I wilfully ignored it so I could still pursue a 'fix' from caffeine and nicotine. Clearly hasn't worked.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. I think the key is 'action'. You are in the fortunate position of actually being aware of what is going on and recognising it but not being sure of how to exactly proceed in rectifying it and getting that crucial psychic change/spiritual awakening/profound altered attitude or whatever else stops you feeling like this.

Obviously the beneficial thing about AA is that it's by far the most widely available and easily accessible recovery program available with many meetings and many successfully sober people with many, many years of experience and doesn't cost a penny (bar tradition 7 contribution). That in itself is a huge plus point.

I made sure that I didn't close the door on AA permanently and managed to strike a great balance between SR and AA as my recovery program. The twelve steps are there for you to do if you wish and the BB is there to read.

Basically my recovery is a daily work in progress and I read and post on SR daily as an essential part of my recovery; it keeps my alkie mind in check. I also practice my recovery in all my affairs.

I think if you don't act then you will eventually take a drink again, I know how crap it feels to feel restless, irritable and discontent and a drink can feel like the only solution. Action is essential to stop the rot...

3 months sober is great mate!! You should be proud of that and don't undervalue yourself!! Another trait of mine and of many alkies I've met on my journey.

All The Best, (Keep posting!! That should help too!!)

Peace

Bamboozle

...or maybe you're suffering from depression or some other sort of treatable mental illness?

I'm not a doctor, though. Perhaps you could speak with your physician?

Anna

Hi Hudstar,

I know that many changes are required in early recovery. I had to get rid of some people in my life, I had to change my daily routines, I had to add daily exercise to my life. I had to reconnect to my spiritual self. And, most importantly, I had to question everything I thought I knew about myself.

Try making one change in your life, and you will see that it will have a ripple effect.

childofnite

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antiderivative

Honestly, it could be something as simple as your diet. Most alcoholics are hypoglycemic and in early abstinence, hypoglycemia can mask itself for the so-called dry drunk syndrome. (Just scroll halfway down on the link below and look at the comparison table).

I am not telling you this in order for you to avoid any group help. Plus, you may well have some deeper issues beyond lack of a proper diet and exercise. You may well benefit from AA or a different type of support group. I most certainly do, but don't ignore the power of a good diet and your potential to be hypoglycemic. Your excessive refined sugar, caffeine, and nicotine consumption may be causing some or exacerbating your "dry drunk" symptoms. Even Bill Wilson studied this link, but unfortunately his research never made it into the Big Book. I think it would be very beneficial to have a chapter on proper diet and hypoglycemia.

Identifying & correcting the biochemical disruption of hypoglycemia and alcoholism

I had gastric bypass surgery over 3.5 years ago - and I experience what is called 'dumping syndrome' after eating certain foods high in sugar or refined carbs because of my bypassed intestine. I developed alcoholism about 18 months post-surgery after using it to reduce some serious issues with stress, and once I stopped drinking this past September, I have found myself experiencing many of the symptoms listed in tha article, *unless* I ate right for post-surgery.

So what I thought was 'being naughty' and eating junk around the holidays (and having some inexplicable thoughts that seem to make me think about drinking again ) was actually HYPOGLYCEMIA! I know I suffered from symptoms mirroring it - in fact actually hallucinated after a drinking episode and a handful of jellybeans a few weeks prior to becoming sober - but now I know I do have it after reading the list of reported symptoms - I have nearly every one!

Now I also know it is not safe to blame all my reactions on dumping syndrome, it will make it easier to regulate it - although I am addicted and always will be, eating like I was told to by my surgeon (duh! ) should actually make all of this a lot easier on me than eating the junk and riding the white monster...

THANKS SO MUCH for this article - I am printing it off and taking it to my doctor for testing so that I can get the diagnosis and see if he has any other suggestions to help.