invisible29

I am an alcoholic. I was sober for 25 days. Then i drank on xmas. 3 beers. i drank again on new years eve. 1 shot of patron and 1 corona. and i drank again new years day. 1 new castle on draft. i was very proud of myself. for controlling how much i took in. and for drinking very little. until i talked to my ex bf about it. who was furious with me. he told me that i was rationalizing my one drink. he said i was giving myself an excuse to drink, bc i was only having one. what are your thoughts? this never even occured to me.

MyGraySkies

I don't believe anyone will argue with your exbf a bit. You are rationalizing. An alcoholic "thinks" they can have just one, and eventually it will turn into many and you'll find yourself where you were when you quit, or, as in my case, even worse off.

Anna

If you are an alcoholic, you can't drink alcohol, ever, not even one drink.

least

Yep, you were rationalizing, in my opinion. For me, being sober means completely sober. Not even a drop. I've been sober a year now and honestly I have no interest in having 'just one' cause I never drank sensibly to begin with and besides, the thought of drinking at all now makes me feel sick, just thinking of it.

Why not give total sobriety another try. See how it goes. I can't believe how much better my life is since giving it up for good.


Welcome to SR!

invisible29

thank you for clarifying. i was arguing with him. getting upset with him. telling him not to look down on my accomplishment. gosh i do owe him an apology. and im so glad he brought this to my attn. i was patting myself on the back and was so proud that i cud have just one. well...back to no alkie for me then.

Nyte Byrd

Hmmm. I guess if it were me, it would occur to me to eventually ask myself
...'proud of what?'

...to see if I can drink one of something I KNOW it would take more of to give me the effect I REALLY want out of it?

Just to see if I COULD?

Then what? The next night drink more to get the effect?

Or don't drink any more at all?

Or drink only one and NOT get the effect to see if I can feel proud of myself every night?

But knowing me, soda sure would taste a whole lot better if I was just gonna drink just one of something.

NAH!! I'd give up the proud part and give in for the effect part.

Now, that's how I probably would have rationalized out before I got sober in 1987.

But you can think it through and see what other ways you come up maybe other than recovery I just ain't thought of yet. But welcome.

Toronto68

Well, I can see how that could be rationalizing if you need to quit drinking. I don't ignore the fact that there is a physical difference between having that small amount on a couple of holidays and going all out and returning to previous problem behavior. But if you are an alcoholic, there's a good chance that you would find a reason to have just one on MLK Day and then maybe two in anticipation of Valentine's on the way in a few days and then before Easter it's the same situation as it was before you quit.

What were you feeling when you opted to have the drinks after your 25 days? Did it make sense that you should drink at least a bit just because of those "special days"? If you quit drinking, it must have been because you saw a reason to get it out of your life and make changes?

invisible29

i am a black out drinker. i have tried to quit many times. and i always get back at it. thanksgiving weekend i got drunk at a friends party and i punched my ex in the head a few times. broke his windshield and cracked his dashboard. neighbors called the cops. i tried to kick one in the balls. and i got his shin. they took me to jail. and im already on probation for a DUI. so after this experience, i stayed sober. 25 days is the longest i've been sober since i started drinking. i decided to drink on xmas bc it felt safe for me to do so. i was with family. i knew i wouldn't let myself get crazy. i had 2 and a half. over maybe 5 hours and a ton of food and water. i was DD on new years. i had the one shot. and baby sat a beer til the night was over. and the next day my gf and i decided to go to a bar for some live music. and i baby sat a beer and we chatted the night away. i feel sick and twisted for rationalizing my drinking. how can i do this to myself? shame on me. but now that i realize what i was doing. i can correct it. to me, i felt like i was just having a social drink. like normal people. but i am not normal people wen it comes to drinking.

Nyte Byrd

As many others have tried in the past, including myself.

I have quit literally, hundreds of times before.

"Staying" stopped was another story.

And I should have known something was wrong or different about me the first time I had two screwdrivers at a birthday party when I was 16, and was the only person asked to leave the party. Had something to do with me breaking my friend's mother's coffee table, throwing cake and it landing on her self portrait and somehow almost lighting the hallway ceiling on fire, followed by the next morning having to leave a work program with the worst hangover one can imagine and me vomiting for three blocks walking home swearing I would never do it again. Well, I did that again and more till I came out of rehab # 2 in 1987 and decided I was NOT going to treatment every three years the rest of my life, but neither was my life going to remain the same. So I went back to the AA meetings and that time took their suggestions. And it has worked for me since.

That's the insanity of it all. Doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Yes, it can be treated. The action to do so is primarily up to you.

I was a social drinker, too. "You drink, so shall I"

Easy does it....but do it.

Dee74

Hi Invisible

Looking at your story, I think you probably have as many reasons to keep away from any alcohol as I do

The worst times for me were not the catastrophes, but when nothing happened - cos that fed my inner desire to believe I could one day somehow control my drinking and 'not be an alcoholic anymore....

real Harry Potter stuff

Welcome to SR
D

Untoxicated

Howdy Invisible,

Your post reminds me of a story (joke if you will, but I hesitate to use the word joke in the event that you might think that I'm taking your situation lightly) I once heard...
A bit of crude humor, but the point is there. If you are indeed an alcoholic, please pay attention to the signs.

Isaiah

I think there is a strong tendency among alcoholics to regard their addiction as somehow being unique among addictions because alcohol is legal and used responsibly by millions. I know that I am still guilty of this kind of thinking far too often.

If someone said "I just want to use meth like a normal person" I know I, and I think most people, would regard that as completely absurd. There is no reason to have to use methamphetamine, not by society's standards. And if a person is addicted there is a tendency to believe that one simply shouldn't use.

With alcohol, alcoholics often believe that their situation is different somehow. That in spite of an addiction using can and ought to be a part of life. And many alcoholics will deny that they bear any relation to illegal drug users, when the fact is the difference is actually pretty minor.

artsoul

Hey Invisible - I'm glad you saw that you would be flirting with disaster by drinking again. I had some of those "proud" times (drinking just a couple), but it never seemed to continue that way.

Any amount of alcohol for me would just be inviting the obsession to come back, which I really don't want and have spent the last 8 months getting rid of. I still have times when I wished I could drink "normally" but it's just a fantasy and has no resemblance to the way I consumed alcohol.

marcia36

For years I wished I could just drink like a 'normal person'...I thought people who completly abstained just didn't have enough control over themselves. I now realize that, if you are an alcoholic, you will eventually always return to the daily drinking/the blackout drinking/invite all of the legal problems back into your life, etc.
I now realize that it is OKAY to NOT DRINK!! I have finally seen the vicious cycle of addiction in my life:
-Completely stop, because of horrible hangover/said or did something horrible/DUI
-After a few weeks, start feeling like I have been doing so well...everyone else can drink one...I DESERVE this drink....it's only one...a reward for being so good
-Drink in moderation for a few weeks/months
-have one 'slip up' where I get horrible hangover/say or do something wrong, etc
-TRY to get back on moderate drinking
-become obsessed with alcohol
-back at square one!
I now realize that what I REALLY DESERVE is a normal life, one where I don't put poison inside of myself to 'have a good time'

~~Good thoughts your way~~~