Hurrah My Sister Has gone to Rehab
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Hurrah My Sister Has gone to Rehab
Several weeks ago my mom called me all frantic so I rushed over to find that my sister spent almost all of their monthly income and was demanding what little she had left. Mom stood up to her and old her no way. She left and said she was going to go and stay with her "real friends".
I was like well good let her stay there.
My older brother has gotten clean and is working his program. He told mom that he was not going to allow her to come back I of course 100% behind him on that.
When she did not have anything to contribute to the household that she was at(ran out of dope an food stamps) she called and wanted to come back. I said oh hell no! The people kicked her out and we told her the only place left for her was in patient rehab or a homeless shelter.
I had started screening the phone calls and would not allow my sister to speak to my mom before she went to rehab.
Her son seemed so relieved that she was gone. He made me realize how bad it was for them. I want to say if there is a drug addict living with a child that you are realsted to than you must do whatever it takes to get them out of that situation it is so so very unfair to them
Mom has been writing her almost everyday telling her how it is going to be when she finishes her 28 day program and comes back home. My brother and I have been trying very gently to let mom know that she is not coming back after only 28 days. Mom says she need us to give her a chance but we feel that making her go into another in patient program after this one would be best.
My brother asked me to go into her room and clean up any paraphenila that might be in there. There was so much stuff in there it took 3 large garbage bags to contain it. It made me physically ill litterly to handle this stuff. I had no idea that handleing it would do that to me. I recomend to anyone doing this kind of clean out that they wear gloves and a mask.
My sister called yesterday saying that she was leaving the rehab center. She called mom reall early in the morning thinking i would not answer.
Well the next call I answered and I told her if she left that she need not come back here. I know she is not getting it. She was demanding that I bring her money and spouting all kinds of BS. Unfortunatly her son had to hear all the stuff I was saying back to her and I think he was very afraid she was going to come back.
I know this is progress but it sure ain't pretty. I hate crack and what it does to people and families.
I was like well good let her stay there.
My older brother has gotten clean and is working his program. He told mom that he was not going to allow her to come back I of course 100% behind him on that.
When she did not have anything to contribute to the household that she was at(ran out of dope an food stamps) she called and wanted to come back. I said oh hell no! The people kicked her out and we told her the only place left for her was in patient rehab or a homeless shelter.
I had started screening the phone calls and would not allow my sister to speak to my mom before she went to rehab.
Her son seemed so relieved that she was gone. He made me realize how bad it was for them. I want to say if there is a drug addict living with a child that you are realsted to than you must do whatever it takes to get them out of that situation it is so so very unfair to them
Mom has been writing her almost everyday telling her how it is going to be when she finishes her 28 day program and comes back home. My brother and I have been trying very gently to let mom know that she is not coming back after only 28 days. Mom says she need us to give her a chance but we feel that making her go into another in patient program after this one would be best.
My brother asked me to go into her room and clean up any paraphenila that might be in there. There was so much stuff in there it took 3 large garbage bags to contain it. It made me physically ill litterly to handle this stuff. I had no idea that handleing it would do that to me. I recomend to anyone doing this kind of clean out that they wear gloves and a mask.
My sister called yesterday saying that she was leaving the rehab center. She called mom reall early in the morning thinking i would not answer.
Well the next call I answered and I told her if she left that she need not come back here. I know she is not getting it. She was demanding that I bring her money and spouting all kinds of BS. Unfortunatly her son had to hear all the stuff I was saying back to her and I think he was very afraid she was going to come back.
I know this is progress but it sure ain't pretty. I hate crack and what it does to people and families.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
splendra
Great news that your sister is in rehab. It's a long tough road for them afterwards. I allowed my RAS to come home after rehab--it's not for the faint of heart. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they are very well grounded in their own program. Some type of extended stay inpatient or a sober living environment is a much better option for the addict and for the family.
I wish you, your family and your sister a great 2011. May this be the year that your family accomplishes a lot of healing.
gentle hugs
Great news that your sister is in rehab. It's a long tough road for them afterwards. I allowed my RAS to come home after rehab--it's not for the faint of heart. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they are very well grounded in their own program. Some type of extended stay inpatient or a sober living environment is a much better option for the addict and for the family.
I wish you, your family and your sister a great 2011. May this be the year that your family accomplishes a lot of healing.
gentle hugs
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,860
It's great that she went, now lets just hope she "gets it." Rehab can be a wonderful springboard for someone who is serious about getting well. Hang in there and stay strong. You're doing great! 
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Absolutely agree..a sober living house would be great.. 28 days is sooo short after YEARS of abuse..they need to learn how to live a productive sober life and be held accountable by PEERS..not family ..waaay too hard!
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by keepinon 
Absolutely agree..a sober living house would be great.. 28 days is sooo short after YEARS of abuse..they need to learn how to live a productive sober life and be held accountable by PEERS..not family ..waaay too hard!
My mom feels so guilty and I know how hard it is for her to tell my sister no.
Thank you very much for reading this and for your wonderful loving comments.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
28 days is a brief period of time to get anything. Here's hoping that mom is open to understanding her own role in all of this, regardless of what your sister does.
It's a new year and anything is possible.
It's a new year and anything is possible.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by keepinon
If everyone really wants to the best thing for your sister..go to alanon..whether she stays in recovery or not it will help[ the family functioning.
My mom will not go to alanon we have already tried that route with her. I have been involved wih alanon and naranon for many years though.
I think my mom finally does understand though that she has to do something different if she wants to get a different result.
Mom is doing better than I ever thought she would and I am very proud of her.
We have been talking about the voice of addiction. She now can hear the addict in my sister's voice. She realizes that she has not heard my sister speak in a very long time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh Splendra, I pray this will be the turning point for her.
You are such a blessing to your mother, I really hope she listens to you.
Keeping you all in my prayers, that this is the beginning of a better life for all of you.
Hugs
You are such a blessing to your mother, I really hope she listens to you.
Keeping you all in my prayers, that this is the beginning of a better life for all of you.
Hugs
..alanon has helped me sooo much..actually off to a meeting in a few min.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
We have been talking about the voice of addiction. She now can hear the addict in my sister's voice. She realizes that she has not heard my sister speak in a very long time.
Lots of good positive and healing thoughts and prayers for your family and especially for your sister, that her head and heart are open to change. Special prayers and a hug for your nephew....such a tough situation for a kid. Hugs
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
My sister was calling my mom several times per day demanding money. She still does not seem to get that she has depleted my mom's bank account.
She was and is still trying to be "large and in charege". My mom decided not to talk to her today. Yesterday and today her dealer called and we are pretty sure that she had told him she would be home. Mom gets her retirement check on the first of the month and we are sure that she actually thought she wa going to come home and get her hands on mom's money.
Her son does not want to talk to her either I believe he has every right to decline talking to her if he wants to. He is autistic and he has just gotten so mellow and calm since she has been gone. His teachers have noticed a change for the better in him and even asked if his meds were changed. He seems to have gotten more present and in the moment than I has ever seen him be. It is wonderful to see him change so quickly in this direction.
She was and is still trying to be "large and in charege". My mom decided not to talk to her today. Yesterday and today her dealer called and we are pretty sure that she had told him she would be home. Mom gets her retirement check on the first of the month and we are sure that she actually thought she wa going to come home and get her hands on mom's money.
Her son does not want to talk to her either I believe he has every right to decline talking to her if he wants to. He is autistic and he has just gotten so mellow and calm since she has been gone. His teachers have noticed a change for the better in him and even asked if his meds were changed. He seems to have gotten more present and in the moment than I has ever seen him be. It is wonderful to see him change so quickly in this direction.
Boy This is Hard!!!! Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Splendra))) - I'm glad she's in rehab, but hate that she's still calling and terrorizing her son and your mom.
My dad won't go to alanon, either, but he does see how I no longer enable my stepmom, and he'll ask me about things, sometimes, and has made a little progress. It's great that you are being the beacon of light for your mom and your nephew. I know it has to be hard, but YOUR recovery is shining through.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My dad won't go to alanon, either, but he does see how I no longer enable my stepmom, and he'll ask me about things, sometimes, and has made a little progress. It's great that you are being the beacon of light for your mom and your nephew. I know it has to be hard, but YOUR recovery is shining through.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I know this process is not pretty. I know my sister could possibly make more threats. I hope she will start trying to keep it in between the ditches soon.
I hope one day we can have a real relationship. I hope one day she will be able to walk thru the shame, guilt, and pain and see she does not have to live her life in a way that causes this.
I would be lying if I said I am not worried about what she might do...
I am very concerned for my mom and her son as well.
I hope one day we can have a real relationship. I hope one day she will be able to walk thru the shame, guilt, and pain and see she does not have to live her life in a way that causes this.
I would be lying if I said I am not worried about what she might do...
I am very concerned for my mom and her son as well.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Hand that fear over because there isn't much you can do about all those things..you CAN be there for your nephew, you CAN continue your recovery and focus an the positive in your life..let her HP deal with her and enjoy this time of peace
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
We haven't heard from my sister in several days. She was calling everyday for a while.
She had called a week ago saying she wanted to leave and we told her that if she did leave not to come back here. We decided to stop taking her calls. Even after e stopped taking her calls she was calling every nite for a while and leaving nasty messages. The saddest thing is that her son does want to talk to her. He stpped talking to her before we did. She is saying we have turned him against her. I hope my sister can get her head on right. I just don't think she realizes how hateful and controling she has been.
My mom is really struggling with not letting her come back. I know my mom is terribly hurt to know that she does take an active role in her addiction by not telling her no. Staying in the solution feels wrong to my mom and my sister.
I left my family and stayed gone for a long time because everyone was using. I did not want to come back. I have really beat myself up a few times over coming back here to this crap. If not for my nephew I think I would have left a long time ago. I was thinking about leaving when my sister got pregnant with him. He is 16 years old and autistic. As the times have gotten tougher my mom's health is going down and my sister is not capible of being responsible for her son he knows it better than all of us and he has been my model for setting personal boundaries. As I said earlier he stopped talking to her before we did.
It is interesting. I guess the best thing I can do is stay and help my family get this straight.
She had called a week ago saying she wanted to leave and we told her that if she did leave not to come back here. We decided to stop taking her calls. Even after e stopped taking her calls she was calling every nite for a while and leaving nasty messages. The saddest thing is that her son does want to talk to her. He stpped talking to her before we did. She is saying we have turned him against her. I hope my sister can get her head on right. I just don't think she realizes how hateful and controling she has been.
My mom is really struggling with not letting her come back. I know my mom is terribly hurt to know that she does take an active role in her addiction by not telling her no. Staying in the solution feels wrong to my mom and my sister.
I left my family and stayed gone for a long time because everyone was using. I did not want to come back. I have really beat myself up a few times over coming back here to this crap. If not for my nephew I think I would have left a long time ago. I was thinking about leaving when my sister got pregnant with him. He is 16 years old and autistic. As the times have gotten tougher my mom's health is going down and my sister is not capible of being responsible for her son he knows it better than all of us and he has been my model for setting personal boundaries. As I said earlier he stopped talking to her before we did.
It is interesting. I guess the best thing I can do is stay and help my family get this straight.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Originally Posted by splendra
My mom is really struggling with not letting her come back. I know my mom is terribly hurt to know that she does take an active role in her addiction by not telling her no. Staying in the solution feels wrong to my mom and my sister.
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the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
My siblings have been using for and very long time. My mom has been putting up with it just as long as they have been using. My sister has always lived with mom and they both have a lot of control issues.
It has been realy difficult for me. I for the most part kept myself off of the front row seating. I let my mom know I would be there for her when she was ready to stop the maddess and deal with her part of the solution.
My older brother had several realy bad episodes where she had to call the cops to make him leave. He and my sister also got arrested at her house not too long ago and she was put in hand cuffs and treated like a criminal. I think this was actually the begining of mom''s awakening.
It has been realy difficult for me. I for the most part kept myself off of the front row seating. I let my mom know I would be there for her when she was ready to stop the maddess and deal with her part of the solution.
My older brother had several realy bad episodes where she had to call the cops to make him leave. He and my sister also got arrested at her house not too long ago and she was put in hand cuffs and treated like a criminal. I think this was actually the begining of mom''s awakening.
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