Losing my fear
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Losing my fear
I've been working on losing my fear-mainly because it was immobilizing me and I hated it.
By working on, I mean, just self soothing talk. Telling myself that it's ok to own how I feel and take action on it. I know what to do, I know what is best for me and no one can bully me into believing otherwise.
So, last night by sheer accident, the kids were dropped off at their dads instead of my house after an all day kid party. That's fine, I drove over there to get them.
He'd been drinking. He was drunk. I took one look at him and told them it's time to go, time to come back to my house.
My youngest said, "why? Because Dad is drinking?"
I said, "yep, lets go, you can see him tomorrow."
They tried to make some noise about how they don't want to come to my house, it's too cold and messy bla bla bla. I told them, "sorry, it's not going to work. Time to go back to my house. Lets go."
AH stood there. He tried, briefly, to engage with our youngest son. Asking, "are you angry? What are you angry about?"
Now this BS , oh-so-meaningful drunk talk is the number one reason I won't allow him to be with the kids when he's drinking. Why he has to come to MY house when he's SOBER to see them. It's disgusting and stupid.
So I said, "we'll talk about it tomorrow," and got him the hell out of there.
Turned my phone to vibrate. He called several times left no message.
Then, today he called from work to ask if I needed help with the kids tonight. Offered to come over and help. I said "sure if that's what you want to do."
No mention of the rules, him being sober. Don't need to. It was implied. He knows. He'll be sober because if he dares to show up after he's been drinking I'll call the police if he doesn't leave ASAP.
so this is what happens when I"m not afraid, not attached. I can trust myself, know my own boundaries and enforce them.
By working on, I mean, just self soothing talk. Telling myself that it's ok to own how I feel and take action on it. I know what to do, I know what is best for me and no one can bully me into believing otherwise.
So, last night by sheer accident, the kids were dropped off at their dads instead of my house after an all day kid party. That's fine, I drove over there to get them.
He'd been drinking. He was drunk. I took one look at him and told them it's time to go, time to come back to my house.
My youngest said, "why? Because Dad is drinking?"
I said, "yep, lets go, you can see him tomorrow."
They tried to make some noise about how they don't want to come to my house, it's too cold and messy bla bla bla. I told them, "sorry, it's not going to work. Time to go back to my house. Lets go."
AH stood there. He tried, briefly, to engage with our youngest son. Asking, "are you angry? What are you angry about?"
Now this BS , oh-so-meaningful drunk talk is the number one reason I won't allow him to be with the kids when he's drinking. Why he has to come to MY house when he's SOBER to see them. It's disgusting and stupid.
So I said, "we'll talk about it tomorrow," and got him the hell out of there.
Turned my phone to vibrate. He called several times left no message.
Then, today he called from work to ask if I needed help with the kids tonight. Offered to come over and help. I said "sure if that's what you want to do."
No mention of the rules, him being sober. Don't need to. It was implied. He knows. He'll be sober because if he dares to show up after he's been drinking I'll call the police if he doesn't leave ASAP.
so this is what happens when I"m not afraid, not attached. I can trust myself, know my own boundaries and enforce them.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Kinda' cool isn't it? Makes ya feel like a harda$$ but it's wonderful to be able to relate without all the panic and tears and drama. At least that was my experience. Good for you Transformy!
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