I'm back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
I'm back
I have embarassed myself in countless ways in the last six months. I have binge-drank and am doing it now many times during the week. I am so aware of how much I put in me...until I stop caring how much is going in. I wake up and try to remember the last few hours of my night. Always have black spots in my memory. I find that I will drunk-text (dang technology!!!) and will text an ex or be very explicit with people I normally wouldn't be while sober. I have yelled at people over imagined slights/tones while drunk. I have humiliated myself infront of coworkers at functions. I have been with people I wouldn't want to spend time with if I had been sober.
I want to wake up and KNOW everything I did the night before. I want to lose the feeling of having to eat a lot the next day to "even out". I want to be productive on my weekends and not lose the days to sleeping to feel better.
I have gotten to two months...it was in the July class (shout out!), but darned if I can remember what year that was. 2007? 2008? I've literally lost years. I have stopped going out anymore, KNOWING that I will over-drink and humiliate myself.
I was still drunk xmas morning from the night before...trying to hide it from my family. This is no way to live.
I want to wake up and KNOW everything I did the night before. I want to lose the feeling of having to eat a lot the next day to "even out". I want to be productive on my weekends and not lose the days to sleeping to feel better.
I have gotten to two months...it was in the July class (shout out!), but darned if I can remember what year that was. 2007? 2008? I've literally lost years. I have stopped going out anymore, KNOWING that I will over-drink and humiliate myself.
I was still drunk xmas morning from the night before...trying to hide it from my family. This is no way to live.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome back DG!
Glad you're trying again. I too bounced in and out of sobriety for nearly two years but just celebrated one year sober!
It is possible and so rewarding. Don't give up!
Glad you're trying again. I too bounced in and out of sobriety for nearly two years but just celebrated one year sober! It is possible and so rewarding. Don't give up! Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Welcome Dancing Girl!! Your story sounds like I wrote it. I deactivated myself from Facebook...best thing I ever did. It didn't take long for me to figure out I am not responsible enough to have a social network page..I like the part where everything you say stays out there forever. I did break out of the binge drink/hangover cycle. The clarity I now feel is something I don't remember. Been drinking my whole adult life. Do whatever you have to do from picking up that next drink..post often. Hope to hear more from you! So glad you joined us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Welcome back dancinggirl. The lack of inhibitions while drinking definitely causes some embarrassing moments. And the blackouts make us wonder what other things we can't remember.
The good news is that these things never need to happen again. You saw how much better life can be when you previously made two months.
So I'm glad you are back. Don't drink today, one day at a time. And think about getting more support than you had when you last quit. Best wishes.
The good news is that these things never need to happen again. You saw how much better life can be when you previously made two months.
So I'm glad you are back. Don't drink today, one day at a time. And think about getting more support than you had when you last quit. Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Thanks everyone! Carol, I'm not sure what to do differently this time. I know, though, that I'm risking my children being left mother-less with my irresponsible behaviour/drinking. No one can do this and not be affected with their health.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR, DG, sounds like 2011 could be a much better year for you!
I tried moderating before, and taking breaks... Didn't work. I definitely needed a new plan. One thing that feels really different for me this time is that I honestly accepted that I can't drink, ever. I'll still be an alcoholic in a month or a year or 10 years—but I'm determined that I won't be drinking then either! The other thing that changed for me is leaning on SR; I visit a few times every day and find it really helps to keep me grounded.
Good luck and happy New Year!
I tried moderating before, and taking breaks... Didn't work. I definitely needed a new plan. One thing that feels really different for me this time is that I honestly accepted that I can't drink, ever. I'll still be an alcoholic in a month or a year or 10 years—but I'm determined that I won't be drinking then either! The other thing that changed for me is leaning on SR; I visit a few times every day and find it really helps to keep me grounded.
Good luck and happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome back. I can relate to your story - I made it almost 5 years at one point, but went back out about a year ago - it has gotten progressively worse and I am now drinking everyday again. Not good. Being here helps me know that we are not alone in our struggles. Good luck!
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