Psilo

Honestly, I don't know what I need. I just know I need to quit, I want to quit. I'm a freshly turned 20 year old college student with a 2 year old daughter. I've been addicted to opiate pain killers and other sedatives for the past 2 years now. I started using pills after a car accident which left me with severe chronic pain. After a year or so of increasing dosages and daily desperation over the thoughts of running out of drugs, or money, or gas, and being sick I finally tried injecting for the first time since there was a clean needle (have had a needle habit for >6 months now). I don't know if I should have died right there or if I was meant to live through this torment I brought into my life, but I've lived through more than this... more than opiate addiction... multiple overdoses on benzodiazepines and muscle relaxers such as soma. My life hasn't been the prettiest picture although it does have some very beautiful parts to it. I appreciate life and all I have and all that I know I can be. It's just this hole that I've dug over the past 5-6 years that has put me in a place I feel I can't ever escape from. I'm not in as bad a place as others, my situation may not be ideal, but I thank the world for not allowing me vices such as heroin or cocaine as frequently as I used to before I began using needles, otherwise... I may not have made this post today.

My father is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict as well, crack/cocaine and opiates were his D.O.C. so it obviously runs in the family. Just an extra tidbit about me.

I don't know if I even belong on this forum but I need people to share my experience with because there is no one here for me to talk to honestly about my addiction and I want to finally be free from these chains. Drugs aren't fun for me anymore, it's become a job, I can't seem to live without doing it.

Ghostly

Welcome to SR Psilo! Yes, I think you belong here. You've identified a need to stop, and you seem to realize how much better life can be without those drugs.

Please talk to a Dr. about safely stopping use of these meds. Get a support system. NA, counseling, other f2f support, SR, all or a combination.

I copied the link to SR's substance abuse Thread below:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Look around SR. Read and Post where you like. You can do this. Good luck and keep us posted.

Psilo

Thank you for making me feel so welcome. I know there are others out there like me that are going through this with me, even if they are farther along in their sobriety. I can't wait to get there.

Ghostly

There are many out there going through what you are. There are some on SR that are new to sobriety...others that have been sober many years...and many trying to get there. You are not alone!

BoozeFree

Welcome! realizing you need to quit is a good start. Drinking wasnt fun for me either and I always say it was like a job too,. having to go out and get it and then get to work drinking all my beers everyday.

Krang

Welcome to SR and I hope you can get the help you need.

Isaiah

Hey Psilo,

Despite the obvious problems with drugs, you sound already a lot more positive than a lot of new people who come here. I think you've already got a good start.

There's a lot of places to start, the best thing is just to make any start and time will tell what is better or worse. And having people to talk to and relate with is definitely a big help; that's what brought me here a couple years ago.

How is the pain these days? If you haven't seen yet we also have a pain management section at SR. It's a little further down than the Newcomer's forum. You might get some good advice there as well.

Nyte Byrd

I couldn't quite tell by this sentence whether you meant you at one time did use to be an IV user of heroin/cocaine or not. But if so, please be aware, many people are discovering they have contracted HEP C, several years down the road...and some not until they have liver damage, due to the fact one can have it for 20 years undetected. Good idea to get tested. And if one drinks alcohol with it, it expedites the damages a lot.

I was an IV user from 1969-1987 and was diagnosed with HEP C when I was 10 years sober in 1997. Thankfully, my salvation has been that I have been abstinent of all alcohol and drugs since to live to tell the tale.

I can only tell you my commitment in to getting involved in 12 step was what made the difference for me. Anything else would have been a lonely way to get sober.

Dee74

Hi Psilo

I am an alcoholic but I think you belong here as much as any one else - I certainly identify with the the weariness that goes along with using when it's long since ceased to be anything but dismal, and the feeling I was digging a deeper and deeper hole..

I know you'll find help and support here.

Welcome!
D

least

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support here. Do check out the substance abuse link. Lots of information and experience there from people in similar situations.

Psilo

Thanks so much everyone, I'm starting to feel a lot stronger about the whole situation.

Psilo

I had meant that to say I had been able to get heroin and cocaine in the past before I was an IV user (it's not as common where I live now), so thankfully I did not start using needles back then because now I would have been in a much more difficult place I know it. After that first time... anything I could get my hands on that would go into solution, ended up in my veins.

Reusing old needles and getting blood back in the bloodstream is the cause is it not?

Kmber2010

Psilo - Welcome and know you have our support.

SR has been an invaluable tool in my recovery. So much experience, information and many forums to check out. You are definitely in the right place!

Glad you are feeling stronger and I love your vibe. Identifying/accepting our addiction can be quite difficult and I know it took me years of drinking (in my case) and self destruction to finally admit what I was.

Seems like you need to get started on your journey with a plan of recovery. Many options out there and folks here willing to share their experiences.

Glad you are here! We can and do change and begin our lives anew.

Nyte Byrd

All I can tell you is the three main culprits of HEP C
are:

IV users
Blood transfusions prior to 1992
Extensive use of sharing straws or other devices for snorthing cocaine (contraction through nostril membranes)

But I would surmise even IV use alone is possible if syringes somehow get contaminated. All one can do is boil them prior to each use. But that is rarely done by most heroin users. Even when they give out free syringes, all that does is dole them out and they shared anyway in shooting gallerys.

If you were using an unused syringe only once and disposed of, I would think it sounds safe.

You can peruse any sight online about learning about HEP C which may give you more info. Please take every precaution you can. I have already gone through two Interferon treatments, and the treatment is no cakewalk.
My treatments did not work unfortunately. I was just glad they were over more than the disappointment that they didn't work. Thanks to the support of AA and the fellowship, I was able to get through it. I've survived worse though. But I think I'm gonna be okay.