NEOMARXIST

Don't know whether the actual saying is "stop the rot" or "stop the rut" so I'll use both. ha-ha.

Basically I know that I have to be proactive in my recovery otherwise things will continue to go downhill rapidly. So that means gratitude, serenity, acceptance, feeling of spirituality and all of the important stuff of recovery becomes restless, irritability and discontentedness. Fear can start to set in and the mind race around into the future and start asking questions like "is this it?" etcetc...

I could feel a bit of a rut setting in and last night as it neared midnight then I felt an incredible sadness and loneliness set in. Of course this is to be expected at 25 as logically then most peers are out partying or whatever. However I could feel the old self-pity creeping in and my attitude was becoming the opposite of where it needs to be in my recovery.

The difficulty of "stopping the rot/rut" is that it's easy to just wallow and make things worse for your mood as this is what you feel like doing. However I went to an AA meeting 25 miles away in the city as I knew I needed to go and I feel so much better now. My mood has lifted and I can feel the hope coming back and myself getting back on track and the restlessness and irritability I felt this morning has dissipated. I made an ammends to my Dad who I swore at this morning and this morning I knew I needed to make this ammends but I was just like "f*ck it" ha-ha.

At times it's easy to get overwhelmed and this is why 'one day at a time' is so important for me as I have the classic alkie head of making seemingly easy things that people probably don't think about into huge mountains. For me then I have had to learn how to live again and it ultimately takes a long time and can't be forced. When the acceptance starts to slide then I can get uncomfortable so I have to act, as my usual recovery routine may not cut it. I'm glad I acted by going to that AA meeting as I knew most of the people there and it was great to be so warmly welcomed and to have that friendship. I always find it so helpful for me to share and it's a great feeling that people appreciate what I have to say. I also pick up great wisdom from other shares too and stuff to add to my recovery.

Peace

Dee74

yeah - I always really need to get to proactive to stop my ruts/rots too, Neo.
Thanks for posting - and happy new year to you

D

NEOMARXIST

Thanks Dee, Happy new year to you too mate!

Thank you for your support and inspiration.

Peace

Isaiah

I am a squirrel and all my friends are birds. When winter comes I have to check my nuts, not go leaping off tree branches trying to fly south. It's not so bad being a squirrel, unless you're a squirrel who thinks they're a bird.

Mark75

With all of Isaiah's talk of squirrels... lol... I must say that in my neck of the woods, the rut is something deer do in the fall... that's not so bad if you are a deer, I guess...

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist...

I stop the rut/rot when I am not really trying and it's usually if I do something helpful/useful/kind for someone else... so simple really, but since I am so self centered it doesn't always occur to me.

Kmber2010

THx for sharing Neo.

Totally relate to the rut thing. I do have a tendency to make mountains out of mole hills....years of drinking and procrastinating and sitting in dwelling and over analyzing everything is an area I am working on and will continue to this year.

Good stuff and way to go on getting out there and getting to a meeting. Sharing is so good for my chi

ozgoddess

Thanks for your post Neo

Living in the moment is very important to me also.

Happy New Year!

Today Is All I Have

1 out 10 people are alcoholics in the USA. If this is or is not true I will use it since it helps me. Yesterday I was shopping and started cruising the aisle with the Champayne. Lots of euphoric recall. Looking at others dragging their stash in their arms going somewhere to party. Wanted to grab that bottle and say screw it-so what if tonite-big deal etc. Broke into tears as I fought the urge and ran off to the corner of the store where the tears could be wiped away before others noticed. Got all pissy and brat like, started zooming around fast to get out before I went back over there. 20 min later at home I call my sponsor. Best thing I could have done. Was reminded of things I needed to hear. Of course I wanted to drink and think I could be safe, warm and fuzzy. After the call I was relived of my obsession. I then was able to spend the nite sober and watched the big lie that EVERONE is happy toasting the year away and ahead. Did not recognize anyone on the New Years Drop Ball shows and this morning thought about how many people had a really ****** NYE because they were drunk, maybe in jail, or in bed with someone or who went on a rampage at home destroying everyone else's NYE etc. This is my first holiday season being sober in forever it seems. Really glad I don't have to face anyone today in shame or guilt.

NYCDoglvr

When I cut back on meeting it's shocking how quickly I spiral into depression, self-centered fear, the "poor me's". Three meetings in three days and I'm back to normal.

Happy New Year.

BobGT

Thanks Neo. When I get lax about my sobriety, the "I wonder" thoughts begin to try to sneak in. But working on myself and helping others sure changes things and leads to good feelings.

Thanks for the reminder.