Not pandering to the mind...
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Not pandering to the mind...
I could feel myself trying to slip into a self-pity mode last night and I recognised and wasn't going to feed it. The same maybe this morning a little bit but again I am not going to pander to it and I find this an incredibly effective 'tool'.
It's my Birthday today and I'm 25. I made sure that I focussed on everything that I have in my life which is positive and not what I don't have and don't let my mind race ahead into the future. I am going to keep myself in the present day and be grateful for what I have in my life courtesy of sobriety and recovery.
Since I got sober 8th July 09 then it has literally been like learning to live again and rebuilding myself and my life piece by piece. I have managed to do this 'one day at a time'. Of course there is stuff that I hope to be able to achieve and sometimes I can look at myself and wonder what the hell went wrong and why I can't just 'snap out of it' but that isn't the way that it works and I've learned that through bitter experience.
For a long time now my recovery hasn't been about drink or drugs but rather the challenges of living life and progressing, bearing in mind that from the age of 16 alcohol was abused very heavily in binges regularly and my 'thinking' was alcoholic. My emotioanl growth stopped there and many bullsh*t skills that are picked up by most naturally I feel i missed because I was too busy getting wrecked. All of my interactions were done under the influence and so living sober has brough up much stuff to the surface that I have had to face and deal with sober and without an 'escape' route into oblivion. I also developed some mental health stuff that I didn't adress and just blocked out by getting wrecked and ultimately this was a great example of how that will take you to the gutter. I remember lying in the police cell asking myself "is it really worth it?" My years from 16-23 were spent in some dark places in my head and I'm grateful for giving myself the chance to address this and not keep myself locked in mental turmoil by continuing to bury my head in the sand and just looking to run away into oblivion.
I wasn' going to post but I thought I would as SR has been good to me and I like to share with SR as I feel this is giving something back whilst at the same time I usually find that it helps me to get out what's in my head.
24 was a good year for me and like I said last night I am not homeless or been arrested or signing on at the job centre and I have hope. Thanks to SR and the people who have supported and inspired throughout my year at being 24 years old. When I think about where I would be today if I had continued to drink then ultimately I may well have been dead or wishing I was dead. I certainly don't wish Iwas dead anymore and for that I cannot help but feel grateful!
Peace and Love xxx
It's my Birthday today and I'm 25. I made sure that I focussed on everything that I have in my life which is positive and not what I don't have and don't let my mind race ahead into the future. I am going to keep myself in the present day and be grateful for what I have in my life courtesy of sobriety and recovery.
Since I got sober 8th July 09 then it has literally been like learning to live again and rebuilding myself and my life piece by piece. I have managed to do this 'one day at a time'. Of course there is stuff that I hope to be able to achieve and sometimes I can look at myself and wonder what the hell went wrong and why I can't just 'snap out of it' but that isn't the way that it works and I've learned that through bitter experience.
For a long time now my recovery hasn't been about drink or drugs but rather the challenges of living life and progressing, bearing in mind that from the age of 16 alcohol was abused very heavily in binges regularly and my 'thinking' was alcoholic. My emotioanl growth stopped there and many bullsh*t skills that are picked up by most naturally I feel i missed because I was too busy getting wrecked. All of my interactions were done under the influence and so living sober has brough up much stuff to the surface that I have had to face and deal with sober and without an 'escape' route into oblivion. I also developed some mental health stuff that I didn't adress and just blocked out by getting wrecked and ultimately this was a great example of how that will take you to the gutter. I remember lying in the police cell asking myself "is it really worth it?" My years from 16-23 were spent in some dark places in my head and I'm grateful for giving myself the chance to address this and not keep myself locked in mental turmoil by continuing to bury my head in the sand and just looking to run away into oblivion.
I wasn' going to post but I thought I would as SR has been good to me and I like to share with SR as I feel this is giving something back whilst at the same time I usually find that it helps me to get out what's in my head.
24 was a good year for me and like I said last night I am not homeless or been arrested or signing on at the job centre and I have hope. Thanks to SR and the people who have supported and inspired throughout my year at being 24 years old. When I think about where I would be today if I had continued to drink then ultimately I may well have been dead or wishing I was dead. I certainly don't wish Iwas dead anymore and for that I cannot help but feel grateful!
Peace and Love xxx
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Have a wonderful day, Neo!
I also have to be careful about the dark moods. There are times when I just want to let go and roam around in the dark place. But, I stop myself because I can't afford to go back there for more than a moment or two.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hey, Happy Birthday! So very proud of you!
It's hard to remember that even though we're sober, we are not immune to those dark days. The scary part is....we (alcoholics/addicts) use that dark time as an excuse to pick up.
Learning how to deal with that makes us stronger, Neo...as you've shown us.
It's hard to remember that even though we're sober, we are not immune to those dark days. The scary part is....we (alcoholics/addicts) use that dark time as an excuse to pick up.
Learning how to deal with that makes us stronger, Neo...as you've shown us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
NEO, Thanks for a great post ! Other than the fact that I was about 10 years older when I started to try and get sober (took 5 years), you just told my story. My problem was I would give in to the self pity and drink. Hence the 5 years. So glad to hear you've caught on much quicker than I.
Ron
Ron
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Happy Birthday Neo!
Your post could have been written by me as it's the same for me right now too.
What a crazy, but wonderful ride this has been for us both. I can say that b/c of this wonderful website which allows two guys seperated by an ocean to recover from a once seemingly hopeless state of absolute sickness (and share our e, s, and h).
You're doing great. Probably doing better than you know. Keep up the good work and keep posting b/c you're sober, you're an inspiration, you're a miracle.
You're walking talking proof that we can and do recover.
Kjell
Your post could have been written by me as it's the same for me right now too.
What a crazy, but wonderful ride this has been for us both. I can say that b/c of this wonderful website which allows two guys seperated by an ocean to recover from a once seemingly hopeless state of absolute sickness (and share our e, s, and h).
You're doing great. Probably doing better than you know. Keep up the good work and keep posting b/c you're sober, you're an inspiration, you're a miracle.
You're walking talking proof that we can and do recover.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Yes, well done Neo. Happy birthday. Your post shows me that you are still in touch with your emotions but you are balancing that emotional response with a logical assessment of the positive things you have achieved. That's inspiring, so thank you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
Originally Posted by ronf 
NEO, Thanks for a great post ! Other than the fact that I was about 10 years older when I started to try and get sober (took 5 years), you just told my story. My problem was I would give in to the self pity and drink. Hence the 5 years. So glad to hear you've caught on much quicker than I.
Ron
Ron
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Yeah Neo..you inspire the hell out of me! Waking up at your age and making life changes is something to be VERY proud of. You may have a pile of [email protected] you can still get thru it with a pooper scooper. At my age...it will take a d@mn bulldozer!
Happy Birthday Mister! I appreciate all your posts!
Happy Birthday Mister! I appreciate all your posts!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hey Neo, Happy B Day! I haven't been on for a while & decided to come on in & take a look around tonight & there was your wonderful post right on top.
Thank you for your inspiring story, I always loved your posts even when you felt challenged you opened up about it & shared... it takes a lot of guts to do that.
Take Care,
NB
Thank you for your inspiring story, I always loved your posts even when you felt challenged you opened up about it & shared... it takes a lot of guts to do that.
Take Care,
NB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Happy Birthday Neo!!!
2
You really must be my twin!! You wrote exactly how I feel about my recovery....the way I live my life.
Love your posts always my friend....and here is to a amazing day and awesome new year living our lives in the light!!
Huggs!
2You really must be my twin!! You wrote exactly how I feel about my recovery....the way I live my life.
Love your posts always my friend....and here is to a amazing day and awesome new year living our lives in the light!!
Huggs!
neo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Thank you everybody for your 'thanks' and your messages. I really appreciate it and as always I have massive gratitude for SR and for the wonderful support and inspiration that I have been shown throughout my time here. I really do love it here and it really helped me yesterday by being able to post and connect with other alcoholics/addicts on SR.
So it's NYE and 'just another day'. For many 25 year olds or indeed many people then that may seem a depressing statement as surely everyday is 'just another day?' Indeed it is reallly, but I digress.
I remember last NYE so vividly and the fantastic feeling that I had as the clock struck 12, not high on drugs or booze as the previous year but rather full of hope and optimism that I would no longer have to continue suffering and that I could achieve happiness and peace of mind. I was looking forward to my 6 month sobriety anniversary and I remember having a really warm glow for a long time after new year as I remembered so clearly the chaos in my mind the previous new year trying to make 1 gram of coke do me and then getting to 11pm and running out and then not being able to face it, so making some frantic phone calls to get another 2 grams and having to walk miles to go pick it up and then trying to get home to rack up some lines just before midnight struck. Man it was depressing and I was sick of trying to make happiness through drink and drug euphoria... It was great for the brief moments but then it went just as quickly as it came and I was just chasing it and it just never happened...
Today and tonight I'm just going to be grateful to be sober. I know that by doing this now then it will mean that I can keep building on this recovery that I have managed to build 'one day at a time' since 8th July 09. I really am glad that I accepted my alcoholism and that for me then I must make sure that my recovery is No1 priority in my life, I know that I would lose anything I put before that anyway. Things are ticking along in a positive direction and if I could have said I would be where I am now 2 years ago then I would never have believed it possible.
This past year I have experienced a freedom that I hadn't felt for a very long time, I managed to achieve getting into a top University and have a direction in my life that is purely a result of my alcoholism and consequentrecovery. Many things have revealed themselves as I was told they would do and for that I am very grateful...
Happy new year SR, all the best for 2011...
'One Day At A Time'
Increase The Peace
So it's NYE and 'just another day'. For many 25 year olds or indeed many people then that may seem a depressing statement as surely everyday is 'just another day?' Indeed it is reallly, but I digress.
I remember last NYE so vividly and the fantastic feeling that I had as the clock struck 12, not high on drugs or booze as the previous year but rather full of hope and optimism that I would no longer have to continue suffering and that I could achieve happiness and peace of mind. I was looking forward to my 6 month sobriety anniversary and I remember having a really warm glow for a long time after new year as I remembered so clearly the chaos in my mind the previous new year trying to make 1 gram of coke do me and then getting to 11pm and running out and then not being able to face it, so making some frantic phone calls to get another 2 grams and having to walk miles to go pick it up and then trying to get home to rack up some lines just before midnight struck. Man it was depressing and I was sick of trying to make happiness through drink and drug euphoria... It was great for the brief moments but then it went just as quickly as it came and I was just chasing it and it just never happened...
Today and tonight I'm just going to be grateful to be sober. I know that by doing this now then it will mean that I can keep building on this recovery that I have managed to build 'one day at a time' since 8th July 09. I really am glad that I accepted my alcoholism and that for me then I must make sure that my recovery is No1 priority in my life, I know that I would lose anything I put before that anyway. Things are ticking along in a positive direction and if I could have said I would be where I am now 2 years ago then I would never have believed it possible.
This past year I have experienced a freedom that I hadn't felt for a very long time, I managed to achieve getting into a top University and have a direction in my life that is purely a result of my alcoholism and consequentrecovery. Many things have revealed themselves as I was told they would do and for that I am very grateful...
Happy new year SR, all the best for 2011...
'One Day At A Time'
Increase The Peace
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