puddinface

Whenever I am feeling frustrated and in need of some warm hugs I know that I can come to this safe place. The 24 year old son (you know the one who has been in rehab, jail, etc. due to drug use) who moved back in with me several months ago, was doing quite nicely. He is currently on Suboxone which really is only a crutch for him with his opiate use but has allowed him to move forward with his life without searching for his next fix. He looks fantastic, works full time and goes to school at night. Sounds great right? This boy can drink up a storm and smokes pot on a daily basis. To me, he is only substituting one substance for another. (To make matters worse, the Suboxone doctor drug tested him and told him that he didnt care that there was marijuana in his system...which was like a red flag to say "Its okay if you smoke pot!!!...idiot!!!!) It seems to me that he can't get past a day without one thing or another. He came home from work yesterday and I could look in his eyes and tell he smoked pot. He of course admitted it. He always did admit it...lieing was never his issue. It's just a matter of time before he gets bagged again with a DUI, DWI or something. I am just so sick of it all. I cant stand it anymore. I really am so sick of worrying about this kid. I am so close to making him leave. He knows I am angry with him today...Im sure it doesnt matter in the long run but I really am getting so tired of his problem affecting my life. Thanks for letting me vent....I just have no where else to turn...hugs to all!

ProgramChild

Have you tried going to Naranon? (and if you can't find a Naranon meeting in your area you can also try Alanon). That will give you people to talk to that share the same frustration you're feeling. It's in working that program that I came to realize that I can't cure the addict. When I started using the program's 12 steps, suddenly, I got better. I've been affected so deeply by the addicts in my life, I needed to recover. When I got better the situation around me appeared to get better and sometimes the addicts got better and sometimes they didn't. I feel for you and I hope these suggestions may help.

suki44883

When you have truly had enough, you will make him leave and work on your own serenity. So long as he has a warm home and bed, food to eat and all the other comforts of home, he has no reason to put all his efforts in getting himself healthy. But, if you make him leave before you are truly ready, you'll, in all likelihood, eventually let him come back because you'll feel sorry for him. I agree with the suggestion that you give nar-anon a try. You will learn how to take care of your own well-being regardless of what your son chooses to do.

puddinface

Thank you....Naranon is the one thing I have not done yet...never have. Didnt think I would have to but now..I know thats wrong. I think I have just faced a big reality of not being able to help this boy. Now its time to help myself. Not quite ready to send him packing yet, thats my biggest problem.

Kindeyes

I'm glad to hear that you are considering going to Naranon. I certainly wish I had found that resource when my son was in his teens. It has been so helpful for me to fully understand and accept that I cannot change him but I can change myself. Making changes in me has made all the difference in the world.

I have found serenity. I lose it sometimes for a little while but I'm able to quickly find my way back. And my serenity does not depend on what my son does or doesn't do (or anyone else for that matter).

I hope you'll find that it helps you too.

gentle hugs

keepinon

We have no Naranon in my town but I go to Alanon..my daughter is a heroin addict in early recovery.I don't think I would have survived w/out it. My daughter thought after her 1st rehab that she could drink and smoke pot..she was back on heroin w/in a month or two.
They develop a cross addiction realy easily...your brain doesn't know alcohol from xanax from pot and will often quickly lead them back to their DOC or they will develop a whole new addiction (how exciting).
My bottom line was I waasn't going to contribute to the problem any more by giving her food,a bed, showers,etc so she could go spend her money on drugs..if that was the lifestyle she wanted she was going to have to do it without my help.