Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Hell, Colorado
Posts: 2
Hello
Hi everyone,
Well my story is long… I'm the oldest son of a well off family. We used to live in California until moving to Colorado a few years back. I got started with drugs when my ex-boyfriend (yes I'm gay) and I got discovered by our parents. We got started with weed, and coke when we were 13 and that escalated up to taking pretty much everything we could find (heroin, meth [once], club drugs, lsd, loads of otc and prescription drugs). My ex passed away last February from heroin overdose… He had been to rehab twice, kicked out of his house…it was a mess… I've battled with suicide for some time now. After tripping on lsd for nearly 20 hours when I came down I put a .308 rifle in my mouth but it didn't fire b/c I put a .223 bullet in the chamber. I've been cutting fairly badly for a couple of years now also. My latest downhill spiral included heroin (and several prescription opiates), DXM, benadryl, anything that had acetaminophen in it, and some other crap… I took far more dxm containing cough syrup than I should have week before last, and was overdosing very bad. Luckily I woke up the next morning… Unfortunately I can't talk to my parents about any of this. I have two close friends who are like family to me that I talk to and try to help me out… But they can't get me to quit. I'm too addicted at this point. I really want to stop. I want to stop or I want to od from it and die I'm just so sick of this continuous cycle of get high, friends see me falling down the hole again, stage an intervention, clean up for a while, and then rinse and repeat… it just sucks. Yeah I have access to funds for clothes, cars, and pretty much anything else I want, but I can't pay for rehab its too expensive (at least the places I've found). Does anyone have any idea what I can do? I don't even know why im writing this… its not like anything ever going to change…
Well my story is long… I'm the oldest son of a well off family. We used to live in California until moving to Colorado a few years back. I got started with drugs when my ex-boyfriend (yes I'm gay) and I got discovered by our parents. We got started with weed, and coke when we were 13 and that escalated up to taking pretty much everything we could find (heroin, meth [once], club drugs, lsd, loads of otc and prescription drugs). My ex passed away last February from heroin overdose… He had been to rehab twice, kicked out of his house…it was a mess… I've battled with suicide for some time now. After tripping on lsd for nearly 20 hours when I came down I put a .308 rifle in my mouth but it didn't fire b/c I put a .223 bullet in the chamber. I've been cutting fairly badly for a couple of years now also. My latest downhill spiral included heroin (and several prescription opiates), DXM, benadryl, anything that had acetaminophen in it, and some other crap… I took far more dxm containing cough syrup than I should have week before last, and was overdosing very bad. Luckily I woke up the next morning… Unfortunately I can't talk to my parents about any of this. I have two close friends who are like family to me that I talk to and try to help me out… But they can't get me to quit. I'm too addicted at this point. I really want to stop. I want to stop or I want to od from it and die I'm just so sick of this continuous cycle of get high, friends see me falling down the hole again, stage an intervention, clean up for a while, and then rinse and repeat… it just sucks. Yeah I have access to funds for clothes, cars, and pretty much anything else I want, but I can't pay for rehab its too expensive (at least the places I've found). Does anyone have any idea what I can do? I don't even know why im writing this… its not like anything ever going to change…
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome MB - I'm so sorry you feel hopeless (I was sure I would die from my addiction to alcohol, too and had thoughts of suicide at one point). Addiction can take away even our will to live, but people can and do recover - quite a few of our members nearly died but found their way into sobriety.
You say you can't afford treatment, but if that's what it's going to take, can you really afford NOT to go? I live in a small town and we have a very expensive treatment center here, but just outside of town there's a government-subsidized
center that cost me a little over $3000 for 30 days (and they let me pay over time).
There's also the ER (and I think someone here mentioned cost-free treatment run by the Salvation Army). If you want to live (and it sounds like you're walking a fine line), or even if you don't but wish you did, please leave no stone unturned in getting some serious help.
Keep posting and reading things on this forum too - there's a lot of info and support here. Sending prayers......
You say you can't afford treatment, but if that's what it's going to take, can you really afford NOT to go? I live in a small town and we have a very expensive treatment center here, but just outside of town there's a government-subsidized
center that cost me a little over $3000 for 30 days (and they let me pay over time).
There's also the ER (and I think someone here mentioned cost-free treatment run by the Salvation Army). If you want to live (and it sounds like you're walking a fine line), or even if you don't but wish you did, please leave no stone unturned in getting some serious help.
Keep posting and reading things on this forum too - there's a lot of info and support here. Sending prayers......
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Welcome MB.
You've had a long road, it sounds, and I hope you get the help you need in some way. I'm not familiar with drugs, but others will be here soon.
I'm so sorry you feel so discouraged.
Keep posting....
You've had a long road, it sounds, and I hope you get the help you need in some way. I'm not familiar with drugs, but others will be here soon.
I'm so sorry you feel so discouraged.
Keep posting....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Hell, Colorado
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by artsoul 
Welcome MB - I'm so sorry you feel hopeless (I was sure I would die from my addiction to alcohol, too and had thoughts of suicide at one point). Addiction can take away even our will to live, but people can and do recover - quite a few of our members nearly died but found their way into sobriety.
You say you can't afford treatment, but if that's what it's going to take, can you really afford NOT to go? I live in a small town and we have a very expensive treatment center here, but just outside of town there's a government-subsidized
center that cost me a little over $3000 for 30 days (and they let me pay over time).
There's also the ER (and I think someone here mentioned cost-free treatment run by the Salvation Army). If you want to live (and it sounds like you're walking a fine line), or even if you don't but wish you did, please leave no stone unturned in getting some serious help.
Keep posting and reading things on this forum too - there's a lot of info and support here. Sending prayers......
You say you can't afford treatment, but if that's what it's going to take, can you really afford NOT to go? I live in a small town and we have a very expensive treatment center here, but just outside of town there's a government-subsidized
center that cost me a little over $3000 for 30 days (and they let me pay over time).
There's also the ER (and I think someone here mentioned cost-free treatment run by the Salvation Army). If you want to live (and it sounds like you're walking a fine line), or even if you don't but wish you did, please leave no stone unturned in getting some serious help.
Keep posting and reading things on this forum too - there's a lot of info and support here. Sending prayers......
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Welcome MB. You will find a lot of support here. Sounds like you have a lot of issues going on. Please consider talking to a mental health professional. Look into a support system for your addiction problems. Like artsoul wrote, there are affordable options. Things can get better. I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 22
Hi MB. I'm pretty new here. Today I have 25 days sober. My main choice was alcohol but to be honest I would take, in excess, anything I could get my hands on. Alcohol was just the easiest thing for me because I could just stop at the store on my way home knowing I could go home to "black out" and there was no risk for getting caught buying illegal drugs. There's logical thinking for ya. MB, I am slowly learning that there is hope for us. I joined AA on December 3rd and have heard some unbelievable stories. I did not have a "low" bottom (yet at least) and I can tell you that is only by pure LUCK. We have a disease, a sickness that is all consuming. We can get better, I know it. For me, I woke up on December 2nd so hungover and so sick that I truly wanted to die. That being said, there is a part of me that still wants to live. I want to be sober more than anything in the world right now and it's amazing that I even say that. I have always wanted more clothes, more shoes, more money. Always material things. I finally reached that moment where I just want to live and enjoy life. It has not been easy and I have been told to embrace my fears and anxiety as this is part of the journey. I wish you all the hope and luck in the world. We are all in this together and with faith, a support group no matter how you find it, will get us and keep us sober. We just have to "willing" to let it happen.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I was told about it by someone who worked in the "expensive" treatment center (!). I believe it's connected with the state health care program somehow - I'm really not sure. I went on their website and the cost has gone up from when I was there (to $4,950 for 30 days), but that's considerably less than the $20,000 my first treatment center charged ten years early (most covered by insurance).
If you want to research it further, google Clearview Recovery Center (Moselle, MS).
Maybe if you get a list of the ones in your state, you'll be able to find something similar.... I know it was a huge relief for me to be in a safe place and have 30 days to spend working on me. This time (my third time getting sober over the past 20 years), it was much harder without that "head start."
There IS a way to do this - most drug addicts and alcoholics don't have great finances. Do you have any insurance at all? In the case of my first treatment, my insurance wouldn't pay much for alcohol rehab, but they covered it because the center also diagnosed me as having severe depression and that was covered 80%.
Whatever you have to do, you're worth it. Remember that......!
If you want to research it further, google Clearview Recovery Center (Moselle, MS).
Maybe if you get a list of the ones in your state, you'll be able to find something similar.... I know it was a huge relief for me to be in a safe place and have 30 days to spend working on me. This time (my third time getting sober over the past 20 years), it was much harder without that "head start."
There IS a way to do this - most drug addicts and alcoholics don't have great finances. Do you have any insurance at all? In the case of my first treatment, my insurance wouldn't pay much for alcohol rehab, but they covered it because the center also diagnosed me as having severe depression and that was covered 80%.
Whatever you have to do, you're worth it. Remember that......!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
MB - here's one link I found for Colorado:Colorado Treatment Centers
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Found one for low-cost assistance:
Colorado Drug Rehab and Alcohol Rehabilitation Programs | Colorado Addiction Treatment Centers
Colorado Drug Rehab and Alcohol Rehabilitation Programs | Colorado Addiction Treatment Centers
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Some good advice here MBFahrer 
I used to think nothing would ever change either - but I what I never seemed to realise then was I had to actually make the changes myself by reaching out and finding help and actively changing things - I hope the leads you have here are helpful
Welcome to SR
D
I used to think nothing would ever change either - but I what I never seemed to realise then was I had to actually make the changes myself by reaching out and finding help and actively changing things - I hope the leads you have here are helpful
Welcome to SR
D
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
MB FahrerI'm sorry you feel that hopeless. But I think as dark and horrible as your life feels to you now, it is still possible to recover, and it CAN change. You can make changes.
Some people gave you good advice here about rehab options.
Yeah I have access to funds for clothes, cars, and pretty much anything else I want, but I can't pay for rehab its too expensive (at least the places I've found).
Ich danke Gott für meine W140 Mercedes-Benz 1992 600sel. Sie ist eine wunderbare Auto. Sie ist schnell, sicher und sehr luxuriös.
), it's your car, and you really love it. I understand it is one of your most precious possessions and means a lot to you, but as far as I know, that is a car that is worth quite a lot of money. I don't want to offend you in any way by saying this, but if it gave you a real chance to get better, and if it saved your life, would you sell it and take the money to afford rehab? I'm sorry if this sounds blunt or insensitive, that was not my intention. Because even if you are not feeling it right now, your life is still something more precious. So in a way, she could save your life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family! I hope you can find a way to get and stay sober. I used to feel hopeless too, but not anymore. I've been sober a year now and my life is better than ever before.
You'll find a lot of support here.
I hope you can find a way to get and stay sober. I used to feel hopeless too, but not anymore. I've been sober a year now and my life is better than ever before. You'll find a lot of support here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
