hopefulsister

Hi, I'm new here...my sister's an alcoholic (has been for at least a few years), and refuses treatment for longer than a few counseling sessions. She goes to AA, but doesn't really accept the info, and do the steps. I'm hoping to gain some help in dealing with her, since she's done a number on what little relationship we have now, and I can't take any more of her like this. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

doggonecarl

As you'll often read on the friends and family of alcoholics forum, there is very little, more like nothing, that you can do. The alcoholic has to do the recovery. You can't make them. You might pop over to that thread and gain some insight and support.

Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for you and for your sister.

hopefulsister

Thank you very much. I have been dealing with this for a while now, and have put up some boundaries between she and I, and she still continues to lie, and drink/use, and unfortunately, my family plays the "it's alright, let's just pretend everything's normal" game, which I refuse to play anymore. I don't want my children around her, and frankly, I don't want to be around her anymore either. It's not that I don't love her, but I don't want a relationship with the person my sister has become. If she were trying to recover, it would be a different story, and I would want to try to begin to support her.
My husband and I informed my parents and brother that we would not be coming to Christmas eve dinner like usual, and gave our reasons. My parents didn't listen to what I said at all, and just called me wondering when we could all get together, so my sister and her boyfriend can give our kids their Christmas presents. My gut is telling me that I need to tell my sister that I am not willing to have a relationship with her unless she is going to seek treatment of some kind (which she's tried several times before). I know I can't control her, but I can control me. I don't want to be unkind, but I don't want her to think for another second that she can behave the way she does and think that I accept what she's doing as normal, and therefore okay. Sorry this is so long!

Isaiah

Welcome!

Indeed, the best advice might be found on the Friends and Family forum, below Newcomers. Newcomers tends to fill up mostly with people with alcoholism. But glad to say hello to you here.

Doggonecarl has it pretty much right as it comes though. You can only change how you react to her behavior and using, and stand up for your rights in the relationship. Maybe that'll push her to get serious about recovery, but it might not. Ultimately, you cannot control her using (as no one could control mine.)

Best of luck to you. There are lots of good people on SR with great advice on how to deal with a loved one's addiction.

least

Welcome to our recovery family. You are right that you can only control yourself and your reactions. It sounds like you've set some boundaries as to what you'll tolerate from your sister, and that's a good thing, for you.

I'm glad you found us and I hope you'll find the support you need here. This place has been a godsend to me.

Nyte Byrd

Though I attend AA regularly, I have attended Al-Anon meetings on occasion, which offers wonderful support to family members. Particularly those who sound like those who have expressed feeling as 'powerless' as you do presently. I can only suggest you seek your local Al-Anon meetings in your area as I do believe you will find the best ways to deal with your sister. If she does not want help, there is no one powerful enough to make her stop till she wants to stop. What you need to do now, is get help for yourself.....and that would be the best thing you could do for 'her' as well. Good luck.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your situation hopefulsister.

I drank for 20 years - nothing anyone said had any impact on me.

I hope your sister is smarter than I was, and I hope your sister has her moment of clarity like I did.

Both you and your sister have my best wishes.

I think you have the right attitude. I hope you'll check out our FF forums too

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR
D

hopefulsister

I wish there were clear cut right/wrong answers...thank you for your support...I can tell this is already helping me feel like I'm not crazy afterall...just the fact that there are other people going through similar issues is oddly comforting.