Stronger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Stronger
Hello Friends,
I have not posted in a while but I've been around. I read all of your posts and sometimes I just feel that I've nothing original or substantial to contribute, so I don't. But I've been here and I've been praying for all of you.
My AS had a turning point this last Halloween. He had a very heart-wrenching ordeal with his ex-wife and his daughter. He left our home (on foot since has no driver's license). My husband and I thought for sure he was going to buy whiskey (his DOC). Well, instead he walked to the church he used to go to as a child, and he told them he needed help. He came home and threw away all his pot smoking stuff (sure there's a better term, but can't think of it) and he confided in us that he's been drinking a pint to a 5th of whiskey a night. He said he was done, he wanted to change his life.
We have supported him, driven him to AA, and told him that after he turns himself in (has outstanding warrant for previous drunk driving probation violation) that we would help him get his license back, and basically get his life back, as long as he remained straight/sober. He did so well, for 4 weeks.
Well, we've all been here a million times haven't we? About a month later we caught him smoking pot, he says he was doing it to help him stay away from the drinking, because he DID NOT WANT TO DRINK AGAIN!! LOL. Then, last night after our Christmas get together at our home, a 12 pack of beer came up missing. He admitted it was him but says "I'm not going to go back to the way I was". That right there showed me that indeed nothing changed with him. The excuses and rationalization have begun. Instead of saying he would go back to being sober, he would "keep it under control this time".
The funny thing is, I'm O.K. When he first began his sobriety I felt as though my very life was riding on this. I felt like I could not handle it if he lost this battle. But, I am handling it. You want to know why? I finally, finally, really truly got what it means to LET GO AND LET GOD. I used to say that to myself but I never really got it. But something changed in me this time. I simply can't keep being devastated by his choices anymore. I truly love and trust my God, and I do believe that my son will be saved from this disease, but IT IS NOT UP TO ME. Nor, can I pick or choose the time. There is nothing I can do but make a life for myself, find some happiness and trust God.
Thanks for listening, warm wishes to you all.
I have not posted in a while but I've been around. I read all of your posts and sometimes I just feel that I've nothing original or substantial to contribute, so I don't. But I've been here and I've been praying for all of you.
My AS had a turning point this last Halloween. He had a very heart-wrenching ordeal with his ex-wife and his daughter. He left our home (on foot since has no driver's license). My husband and I thought for sure he was going to buy whiskey (his DOC). Well, instead he walked to the church he used to go to as a child, and he told them he needed help. He came home and threw away all his pot smoking stuff (sure there's a better term, but can't think of it) and he confided in us that he's been drinking a pint to a 5th of whiskey a night. He said he was done, he wanted to change his life.
We have supported him, driven him to AA, and told him that after he turns himself in (has outstanding warrant for previous drunk driving probation violation) that we would help him get his license back, and basically get his life back, as long as he remained straight/sober. He did so well, for 4 weeks.
Well, we've all been here a million times haven't we? About a month later we caught him smoking pot, he says he was doing it to help him stay away from the drinking, because he DID NOT WANT TO DRINK AGAIN!! LOL. Then, last night after our Christmas get together at our home, a 12 pack of beer came up missing. He admitted it was him but says "I'm not going to go back to the way I was". That right there showed me that indeed nothing changed with him. The excuses and rationalization have begun. Instead of saying he would go back to being sober, he would "keep it under control this time".
The funny thing is, I'm O.K. When he first began his sobriety I felt as though my very life was riding on this. I felt like I could not handle it if he lost this battle. But, I am handling it. You want to know why? I finally, finally, really truly got what it means to LET GO AND LET GOD. I used to say that to myself but I never really got it. But something changed in me this time. I simply can't keep being devastated by his choices anymore. I truly love and trust my God, and I do believe that my son will be saved from this disease, but IT IS NOT UP TO ME. Nor, can I pick or choose the time. There is nothing I can do but make a life for myself, find some happiness and trust God.
Thanks for listening, warm wishes to you all.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Well looks like a Christmas Miracle happened..RECOVERY..congrats on being able to detach.DO you go to alanon? It really saved me and helped me see how my "helping" wasn't really at all.:ghug3
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
wisher, thank you for sharing your story - it is encouraging to hear how you overcome - i know it may seem like there is nothing new to say and, yes, the stories have a common thread no matter what the specific circumstances, but it helps each of us to know that we are not alone - i look forward to hearing from you again - God bless you, your son, and your whole family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Thanks everyone,
I just had a talk with him. He says he is really committed to changing his life and that he knows that the only way to do it is to be straight and sober. He says the reason he drank again was that he gets so depressed. He says that he has always felt "weird" around other people.
I don't believe him anymore.
I think he knows just what to say to make me feel sorry for him. It used to work.
I do believe there is SOME truth in what he says, but it is excuses, always, always, excuses. I told him that. I told him that he always does this, wants to change and everyone supports him and then it all goes away.
When he told us that he had the warrant out for his arrest last August, his plan was that he would spend the holidays with his daughter and then January 3 he would turn himself in and get that over with. Now, it has changed. He says he wants to go to a doctor first and get a physical because he is worried about his health. He won't have any insurance by the time he gets out of jail. Rationalizations and Excuses. It never changes.
Now I need to decide what I'm going to do about it.
His daughter, my precious granddaughter, is everything to me. I feel like I need to let him go now and get off this roller coaster, but as always the fate of my granddaughter stops me.
Thanks so much everyone.
I just had a talk with him. He says he is really committed to changing his life and that he knows that the only way to do it is to be straight and sober. He says the reason he drank again was that he gets so depressed. He says that he has always felt "weird" around other people.
I don't believe him anymore.
I think he knows just what to say to make me feel sorry for him. It used to work.
I do believe there is SOME truth in what he says, but it is excuses, always, always, excuses. I told him that. I told him that he always does this, wants to change and everyone supports him and then it all goes away.
When he told us that he had the warrant out for his arrest last August, his plan was that he would spend the holidays with his daughter and then January 3 he would turn himself in and get that over with. Now, it has changed. He says he wants to go to a doctor first and get a physical because he is worried about his health. He won't have any insurance by the time he gets out of jail. Rationalizations and Excuses. It never changes.
Now I need to decide what I'm going to do about it.
His daughter, my precious granddaughter, is everything to me. I feel like I need to let him go now and get off this roller coaster, but as always the fate of my granddaughter stops me.
Thanks so much everyone.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
[QUOTE=Wisher;2809070]I don't believe him anymore.
I think he knows just what to say to make me feel sorry for him. It used to work.
I do believe there is SOME truth in what he says, but it is excuses, always, always, excuses. I told him that. I told him that he always does this, wants to change and everyone supports him and then it all goes away.
Now I need to decide what I'm going to do about it.
My daughter has 90 days and was home for the holidays..she was talking about some of the ways she used to manipulate us then she said "damn Alanon..blew all that for me!" and laughed. SHe has said that my being in Alanon "saved" our family...I know her not being able to manipulate and garner sympathy has helped HER recovery. It all boils down to the old "actions speak louder than words" and that goes triple for A's...
I think he knows just what to say to make me feel sorry for him. It used to work.
I do believe there is SOME truth in what he says, but it is excuses, always, always, excuses. I told him that. I told him that he always does this, wants to change and everyone supports him and then it all goes away.
Now I need to decide what I'm going to do about it.
My daughter has 90 days and was home for the holidays..she was talking about some of the ways she used to manipulate us then she said "damn Alanon..blew all that for me!" and laughed. SHe has said that my being in Alanon "saved" our family...I know her not being able to manipulate and garner sympathy has helped HER recovery. It all boils down to the old "actions speak louder than words" and that goes triple for A's...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Keepinon-
Your last post really struck a chord with me. I usually eat it right up when AS starts in on his depression. I never really thought about how I am enabling him by buying into it. Lord know, we ALL get depressed, I certainly do but I don't throw away everything in the process. Right?
Thanks so much for all of your kind words and hugs right back to all of you.
One day at a time.
Your last post really struck a chord with me. I usually eat it right up when AS starts in on his depression. I never really thought about how I am enabling him by buying into it. Lord know, we ALL get depressed, I certainly do but I don't throw away everything in the process. Right?
Thanks so much for all of your kind words and hugs right back to all of you.
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Personally, I have struggled with depression..I went to the Dr., excercised, etc.There are medicatons for depression..however Alcoholism CAUSES depression..it is excessive use of a depressant.
It's hard when they seem sad..but after a while I could hear the disease talking..then I would stop listening. It's true, we all have our struggles..but as long as he refuses the treatment for his alcoholism, his depression will not improve.
My advice is keep working on your recovery..and try to give some attention to those in your life that are not sick..helped me.
It's hard when they seem sad..but after a while I could hear the disease talking..then I would stop listening. It's true, we all have our struggles..but as long as he refuses the treatment for his alcoholism, his depression will not improve.
My advice is keep working on your recovery..and try to give some attention to those in your life that are not sick..helped me.
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