finding christmas so difficult
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 77
finding christmas so difficult
Hi all,
I don't post often, mainly because it's hard to get on the computer with the kids around.
Where do I start? Well I'm an alcoholic, I am 121 days sober. I don't attend AA for professional and personal reasons that I can't go into. I attend both my gp and weely therapy. I suppose I'm trying to assure you all that I am serious and committed to my recovery and it's just that right now I am finding it very difficult.
Every christmas tradition for me is drink-related and this is my first sober christmas in a long time. Last night I really wanted to drink and it was for the first time in my recovery a very serious "want". I wanted to drink, I wanted that bottle of wine in my hand and a glass in the other. I wanted to get smashed.
God, it's such a relief to just write that down.
I didn't though. I didn't do it. All I could say to myself was "I will not drink tonight" Am saying the same thing to myself again tonight.
Sorry, I know I am being rather long-winded here, but already I feel a bit better for just writing it down.
I don't post often, mainly because it's hard to get on the computer with the kids around.
Where do I start? Well I'm an alcoholic, I am 121 days sober. I don't attend AA for professional and personal reasons that I can't go into. I attend both my gp and weely therapy. I suppose I'm trying to assure you all that I am serious and committed to my recovery and it's just that right now I am finding it very difficult.
Every christmas tradition for me is drink-related and this is my first sober christmas in a long time. Last night I really wanted to drink and it was for the first time in my recovery a very serious "want". I wanted to drink, I wanted that bottle of wine in my hand and a glass in the other. I wanted to get smashed.
God, it's such a relief to just write that down.
I didn't though. I didn't do it. All I could say to myself was "I will not drink tonight" Am saying the same thing to myself again tonight.
Sorry, I know I am being rather long-winded here, but already I feel a bit better for just writing it down.
Last edited by sazza; 12-26-2010 at 12:52 PM. Reason: spelling
hey sazza - so glad you posted and didn't pick up that drink. Those urges can be really strong and even scary. Thank goodness they continue to weaken as we stay sober.
I had several of those "wants" over the holidays (my first Christmas, too), but they didn't last nearly as long (at over 7 months sober) as the ones I had earlier in sobriety. Some were just passing thoughts. I really feel for people who are new in their sobriety during this time.
If you keep getting those urges, just do what you did - come here, post and read and know that we're all getting through this together. You can do it!:ghug3
I had several of those "wants" over the holidays (my first Christmas, too), but they didn't last nearly as long (at over 7 months sober) as the ones I had earlier in sobriety. Some were just passing thoughts. I really feel for people who are new in their sobriety during this time.
If you keep getting those urges, just do what you did - come here, post and read and know that we're all getting through this together. You can do it!:ghug3
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
Good for you Sazza for refusing to give in. And CONGRATS on 121 days!
I too struggled last night. I wanted it so bad I could taste it.
This is an especially tough time of year - but we can do it!
Thanks for your post - you inspire me.
I too struggled last night. I wanted it so bad I could taste it.
This is an especially tough time of year - but we can do it!
Thanks for your post - you inspire me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 77
What a great bunch of people on this site. Thank you so much, already I am feeling calmer and more in control.
I have re-read your posts several times, it's such a comfort that you all understand what it feels like. I have felt quite "alone" being the only non-drinker in my large extended family.
Only 3 members of my family know about my alcoholism and they are being a great support, but they don't really "get it". They think that once I say no thanks to a drink that is the end of it, they don't realise that I am still craving it hours later. (Although thank god they don't "get it", I wouldn't wish this on anyone.) And of course am not foolish enough to think i am just craving for a drink....it's the full bottle I'm after!
Feeling a bit better you guys, am really glad I reached out for help from ye.
I have re-read your posts several times, it's such a comfort that you all understand what it feels like. I have felt quite "alone" being the only non-drinker in my large extended family.
Only 3 members of my family know about my alcoholism and they are being a great support, but they don't really "get it". They think that once I say no thanks to a drink that is the end of it, they don't realise that I am still craving it hours later. (Although thank god they don't "get it", I wouldn't wish this on anyone.) And of course am not foolish enough to think i am just craving for a drink....it's the full bottle I'm after!
Feeling a bit better you guys, am really glad I reached out for help from ye.
Sazza, I know we say it all the time - but it honestly does get easier and less intense. My first sober Christmas I was a lost soul. I had to remember what it really was all about and start new traditions for myself. I hadn't spent a sober holiday almost my whole adult life. You will feel better next year - even better the one after. You didn't cave - congratulations!!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 40
Sazza, just remember this is the worst time of year for us drunks. If you can make it into 2011 without picking up, you know you can make it the rest of the year. This was my 2nd alcohol free Christmas, and at this point it's almost fun to be the odd man out. I'm finding it easier to be very blunt about the whole situation. The other night someone offered me a drink; I politely turned it down. He offered a different drink, a shot. I told him "No, I'm not drinking tonight." He insisted on it and I just flat out told him, "I'm not going to drink it because I don't want to get to know the police around here." He didn't offer me any more drinks. As well he shouldn't...oh if only he knew.
I guess my point is be proud, man. You've done a hard thing and you can wear it like a shiny badge if you want. You're forced to bathe in temptation and then get up, dry off and go on with your day. It's a hard thing to do. As they become more infrequent and less intense, as weird as it sounds, I enjoy every craving because I know I'm winning.
I guess my point is be proud, man. You've done a hard thing and you can wear it like a shiny badge if you want. You're forced to bathe in temptation and then get up, dry off and go on with your day. It's a hard thing to do. As they become more infrequent and less intense, as weird as it sounds, I enjoy every craving because I know I'm winning.
Hi Sazza, well done for resisting!
Of the 9 adults in the house, I'm the only one not drinking over the holiday. Having watched my mum pour warm rum over the Christmas Pudding to set it on fire (a family tradition) I politely declined. On Boxing Day I bit into the Christmas Cake only to discover it had booze in it as well. No more cake for me.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at these situations (and no, I'm not resetting the clock). So much for family traditions
Of the 9 adults in the house, I'm the only one not drinking over the holiday. Having watched my mum pour warm rum over the Christmas Pudding to set it on fire (a family tradition) I politely declined. On Boxing Day I bit into the Christmas Cake only to discover it had booze in it as well. No more cake for me.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at these situations (and no, I'm not resetting the clock). So much for family traditions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 77
Thanks you guys, I am happy to be up this morning drinking my coffee and still sober.
Your posts got me through a really tough patch and I am very grateful.
"you're forced to bathe in temptation and then get up, dry off and go on with your day" so true walter
Thanks all of you!
Your posts got me through a really tough patch and I am very grateful.
"you're forced to bathe in temptation and then get up, dry off and go on with your day" so true walter
Thanks all of you!
Sazza, congratulations on enduring the situation and living to tell the tale. So glad you posted about your experience...sharing these things helps all of us. Keep up the good work!
Stephanie
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