Here's where I stand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Here's where I stand
I've posted a few times in this forum, when I'm sober, on day 7 or close to that. I have no problem making it to a week, or 2 weeks. I am turned off by drinking early after a relapse, but being the cycle alcohol is, once I make it to 2 weeks or so, my alcoholic brain turns on, and convinces me that I can drink normally. It has happened every single time, for the last 4 months. I can't seem to shake this cycle I'm on. In the first week and two of recovery, I feel good, feel great, feel like I have this thing conquered. Yet one morning I'll wake up, and think to myself, I'm getting drunk today, and not once do I think this will be a bad idea, or do my early thoughts in sobriety go through my head. I don't think about how embarrassing the last time was, I don't think about how I know I'll be on a 3 day bender, atleast. None of those things go through my head once I reach that point in sobriety where I'm feeling good
How do you get past that point, because right now I'm in that cycle. And I feel good about how many times I've gotten back up after relapsing, and put together a solid 2 weeks of sobriety. But I feel terrible because I keep losing it because I can't think the right thoughts at the moment of truth.
any help is appreciated. I don't know any of you, but I do love what you all do on this board
How do you get past that point, because right now I'm in that cycle. And I feel good about how many times I've gotten back up after relapsing, and put together a solid 2 weeks of sobriety. But I feel terrible because I keep losing it because I can't think the right thoughts at the moment of truth.
any help is appreciated. I don't know any of you, but I do love what you all do on this board
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
How about....making a list of the pros and cons of drnking?
Then you could read it ...perhaps ... pause to consider the reality.
I did something similar...but I used the period of my horrific de tox
as a reminder in early sobriety.
I also stayed connected to AA and program friends
It helped me immensley Now I go to assist others.
Hope you find your way....a sober future can be yours.
It's a win win life....
Then you could read it ...perhaps ... pause to consider the reality.
I did something similar...but I used the period of my horrific de tox
as a reminder in early sobriety.
I also stayed connected to AA and program friends
It helped me immensley Now I go to assist others.
Hope you find your way....a sober future can be yours.
It's a win win life....
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Hey North...I thought a recent Post from you where you were sober and content, and determined to stay that way? Maybe my memory betrays me. Or something changed. Not sure.
What are you doing to stay sober? You can't will power this everyday, and last a long time. You need support. Whether that is AA, a different f2f group, counseling, SR, all or some combo...you need support.
From there you need a determination not to drink. You can do this. It is up to you. Good luck and keep us posted.
What are you doing to stay sober? You can't will power this everyday, and last a long time. You need support. Whether that is AA, a different f2f group, counseling, SR, all or some combo...you need support.
From there you need a determination not to drink. You can do this. It is up to you. Good luck and keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by Ghostly 
Hey North...I thought a recent Post from you where you were sober and content, and determined to stay that way? Maybe my memory betrays me. Or something changed. Not sure.
What are you doing to stay sober? You can't will power this everyday, and last a long time. You need support. Whether that is AA, a different f2f group, counseling, SR, all or some combo...you need support.
From there you need a determination not to drink. You can do this. It is up to you. Good luck and keep us posted.
What are you doing to stay sober? You can't will power this everyday, and last a long time. You need support. Whether that is AA, a different f2f group, counseling, SR, all or some combo...you need support.
From there you need a determination not to drink. You can do this. It is up to you. Good luck and keep us posted.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
I had the same problem for to many years to count, but what really did it for me was I just couldn't live that way anymore the pain became so great I was as willing as the dying could be, it talks about that in the BB. I could no longer live drunk nor could I live sober I was at the jumping off point. I fell to the floor and begged my HP to help I swore I would do anything to get sober and stay thay way. You have to hit that desperation point, but thank God I kept coming back till I hit that. Pray for the willingness to do something different in your recovery like get a sponsor do some steps.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
North...I totally get what you mean. Seems you are tryin to do this through will power. Nothin to be ashamed about that...a lot of people try it. Lot of people fail at it though. Please get a support system. Whatever works for you. Something listed above.
You CAN do this North! Keep us posted.
You CAN do this North! Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I would second that piece of advice that ghostly has written: I needed a program. I started with an outpatient addiction recovery clinic, with antabuse and a therapist and now use AA.
There are some very lucky people in recovery that report they don't have any cravings or obsessive thoughts. But, I am not one of them.
Driving home from work, I always come to an intersection where I would turn to the right to go to the liquor store: trigger. I liked doing that because the liquor store was not in my neighborhood, (I played the musical liquor store game....)
Now, it still surprises me that I will always have a drinking thought when I come to that intersection. What I do in that case is identify it as a habitual thought, and my alcoholic brain speaking to me. I remind myself that I don't want to drink, it is my alcoholic brain speaking. I make the left turn and it always surprises me that within seconds the drinking thoughts disappear.
My tool in that case: make the left turn.
The other day I thought I would listen to one of my favorite blues Christmas music CD's. I had to turn off the CD player after the 3rd song! The album was packed with triggers to drink. And, no wonder, I loved to drink listening to all those sad holiday songs. the trigger: the songs.
The tool: don't listen to those songs anymore!
I could go on, but, I think you get the idea.
There are some very lucky people in recovery that report they don't have any cravings or obsessive thoughts. But, I am not one of them.
Driving home from work, I always come to an intersection where I would turn to the right to go to the liquor store: trigger. I liked doing that because the liquor store was not in my neighborhood, (I played the musical liquor store game....)
Now, it still surprises me that I will always have a drinking thought when I come to that intersection. What I do in that case is identify it as a habitual thought, and my alcoholic brain speaking to me. I remind myself that I don't want to drink, it is my alcoholic brain speaking. I make the left turn and it always surprises me that within seconds the drinking thoughts disappear.
My tool in that case: make the left turn.
The other day I thought I would listen to one of my favorite blues Christmas music CD's. I had to turn off the CD player after the 3rd song! The album was packed with triggers to drink. And, no wonder, I loved to drink listening to all those sad holiday songs. the trigger: the songs.
The tool: don't listen to those songs anymore!
I could go on, but, I think you get the idea.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: West Coast, Australia
Posts: 319
Hi Northland
In one of your posts recently, you suggested that before getting out of bed, to remember what it was like to be sick and hungover. I've used that each day since. So thankyou - you have made a difference to me.
I think you are trying to do it alone with logic. I'm doing that and am on day 33. It's been a roller coaster ride but it seems to be getting easier. If I was to slip, I'm off to AA - no question. I know I cannot be complacent because complacency = overconfidence = possible relapse = not an option.
I have used the "scream" techique on that little voice. The instant that it starts, I silently scream profanities at it so that it becomes the timid voice and crawls under a rock. I have to do it at the instant I get the "voice/thought" otherwise I'm done for. In the past, I have been in situations when I've been pre-occupied (ie, a meeting) and have slipped. If it was to happen in the future, I would get up and go to the bathroom. I haven't had to use if for a while because the little voice is not strong.
Northland - you can do it - keep learning - have faith and don't give up!
Rosco.
Life=Fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
In one of your posts recently, you suggested that before getting out of bed, to remember what it was like to be sick and hungover. I've used that each day since. So thankyou - you have made a difference to me.
I think you are trying to do it alone with logic. I'm doing that and am on day 33. It's been a roller coaster ride but it seems to be getting easier. If I was to slip, I'm off to AA - no question. I know I cannot be complacent because complacency = overconfidence = possible relapse = not an option.
I have used the "scream" techique on that little voice. The instant that it starts, I silently scream profanities at it so that it becomes the timid voice and crawls under a rock. I have to do it at the instant I get the "voice/thought" otherwise I'm done for. In the past, I have been in situations when I've been pre-occupied (ie, a meeting) and have slipped. If it was to happen in the future, I would get up and go to the bathroom. I haven't had to use if for a while because the little voice is not strong.
Northland - you can do it - keep learning - have faith and don't give up!
Rosco.
Life=Fun; Alcohol=Devastation.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi there. I can relate to the 7-14 day cycle you speak of. I used to get to that period (usually 5 days) and be gagging to get wrecked again. I hadn't totally surrendered at that point though and truly accepted to my innermost self that I'm an alcoholic and that drinking simply cannot be an option 'just for today'. The reality is that if you don't want to stay stuck in this terrible cycle then you will need to do what it takes not to take that first drink 'just for today'. You may have to scream and yell at the walls but if that's what it takes then that's what it takes. Sometimes it's very tough, that's just the way it is but taking a drink will just get you the same inevitable 3-4 day bender. My drinking was a round the clock 3 day bender when I got sober, I also took lots of drugs too to keep me awake and increase the general level of being out of my head.
For me support was and is essential. I used and continue to use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere. I knew without doubt that I was/am an alcoholic and addict and that prison, institution or death was the only outcome for me if I picked up that first drink. I was sick and tired of feeling so hopeless and depressed and tortured in my head.
I had to really embrace recovery and actively live it using what I learned from AA and SR in my daily life, once I started to see the results then this really helped me gain momentum. I knew that everything that was happening in my life positive was 100% a result of my sobriety and recovery.
I really had to live 'one day at a time'. When I was predicting my behaviour in the future days/weeks regarding cravings etc then i was just setting myself up to fail.
The secret is also reaching out before you pick up, only by doing that will you remain sober. Whether that is reaching out on SR or calling somebody in AA, getting your thoughts out diminishes their power and you can see them for what they are i.e- alkie mind trying to get its fix.
All The Best
For me support was and is essential. I used and continue to use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere. I knew without doubt that I was/am an alcoholic and addict and that prison, institution or death was the only outcome for me if I picked up that first drink. I was sick and tired of feeling so hopeless and depressed and tortured in my head.
I had to really embrace recovery and actively live it using what I learned from AA and SR in my daily life, once I started to see the results then this really helped me gain momentum. I knew that everything that was happening in my life positive was 100% a result of my sobriety and recovery.
I really had to live 'one day at a time'. When I was predicting my behaviour in the future days/weeks regarding cravings etc then i was just setting myself up to fail.
The secret is also reaching out before you pick up, only by doing that will you remain sober. Whether that is reaching out on SR or calling somebody in AA, getting your thoughts out diminishes their power and you can see them for what they are i.e- alkie mind trying to get its fix.
All The Best
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
What helped me a lot, early on, before I lost the desire to drink, was asking myself two questions: one; would drinking improve the situation? and two; did I really want to wake up the next day feeling like death warmed over? I kept reminding myself of how bad drinking would make things and how much I never wanted to feel so bad again.
Then somewhere around four to six months sober I realized that the desire to drink was gone!
I sometimes get fleeting thoughts of drinking but the addict voice is just a faint whisper and easy to ignore or talk back to.
Then somewhere around four to six months sober I realized that the desire to drink was gone!I sometimes get fleeting thoughts of drinking but the addict voice is just a faint whisper and easy to ignore or talk back to.
Cultivating Sobriety
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: East Coast (USA)
Posts: 18
Thanks for posting Northland,
I was 1 day from 2 weeks this last time, blew it. I hear where you are coming from and can relate to all what you said. All I know to do is jump back on and keep trying. I think we all know, especially why we come here, AA, etc. is that we cannot go back to our habit. So like the before mentioned, reach out, come here, AA, and keep those thoughts of the alternative, morning regrets, hangovers, shakes, etc.
I was 1 day from 2 weeks this last time, blew it. I hear where you are coming from and can relate to all what you said. All I know to do is jump back on and keep trying. I think we all know, especially why we come here, AA, etc. is that we cannot go back to our habit. So like the before mentioned, reach out, come here, AA, and keep those thoughts of the alternative, morning regrets, hangovers, shakes, etc.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by northland
Yet one morning I'll wake up, and think to myself, I'm getting drunk today, and not once do I think this will be a bad idea, or do my early thoughts in sobriety go through my head. I don't think about how embarrassing the last time was, I don't think about how I know I'll be on a 3 day bender, atleast. None of those things go through my head once I reach that point in sobriety where I'm feeling good
You got to change out that alcoholic mind for a sober mind. Get right down into it and do what you gotta do to change be it a program or whatever -- do it with all that you have. AA is an easy way to go to get your pathway going in the right direction. I don't know your history and AA is not for everyone but it works for alot of alcoholics. It worked for me too.
You have great insight into your alcoholic mind. You have it nailed. Take a close look into what a sober mind can really do and you'll find from there on you're (can be) living a life worth living no matter how you wakeup. It's all good
Rob
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
To echo what others have said, I think that putting something new and tangible in your life to replace drinking - whether it's AA, another program, counseling, posting here on SR every day, or even writing in a daily journal - can help immensely. Drinking filled up a hole in my life...replacing the drinking with meetings made a huge difference for me, it's like my mind was tricked into accepting "going to meetings" as a viable substitute for "getting wasted".
Writing or journaling is also a huge help for me. Write about how you're feeling, your desire to get drunk, your worries, your joys...my AA sponsors have all been big proponents of writing daily gratitude lists as well, which help me get my head in the right place each day.
Good luck, hang in there, and remember that you have our support.
Stephanie
Writing or journaling is also a huge help for me. Write about how you're feeling, your desire to get drunk, your worries, your joys...my AA sponsors have all been big proponents of writing daily gratitude lists as well, which help me get my head in the right place each day.
Good luck, hang in there, and remember that you have our support.
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I needed face to face support...the cycle you are in is exactly the same as i was and the same as many, many other people out there who stay in it for life...its hardly surprising that we end up a bit crazy!
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