froglegs

Hey everyone!

I am coming here tonight because I am having an issue..I was hoping someone here could help shed some light on this issue for me. I'm exhausted trying to figure it out.

I have been dating the most wonderful man for the past 5 months now. He is warm, affectionate, responsible and caring. Everything I could have hoped for in a partner. He has met my kids, my kids adore him, He is good to them, good to me and for the first time I feel like I have found a healthy loving partner. I seriously feel I have finally met my soul mate. Our relationship is...easy, comfortable and drama free.

This is my first Christmas "being divorced". That being said, in my state the Friend of the Court grants visitation to my EXAH beginning at 9:00 pm Christmas Eve. My family has our big Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve every year. I asked my kids if it was okay if I asked my new BF to join us and they said "Absolutely". I have to take the kids to their dads house at 9pm Christmas Eve. Since my new BF will be joining us, and my parents are hosting he will be riding in the car to my parents house with us. This means he will also be riding with us home, when I drop the kids off at their dads and thats where my problem comes in.

My EXAH knows I have been seriously dating my new BF. My kids talk about him, he knows his name, where he works, where he keeps his boat etc. My EXAH lives with his mom, and they are also having the family over on Christmas Eve. I am so concerned about what to do about the "drop off". On one hand I dont feel like it would be polite to have my new BF in the car with me when I drop the kids off. On the other hand I dont want to ask my new BF to drive separate or wait at my parents house when I drop the kids off. I dont want to hurt my EXAH feelings or make anything awkward but on the other hand im divorced...it's been 5 months...we are both dating so whats the big deal...right? I just feel terrible that the first time the two of them will meet will be on Christmas. I am not worried about an altercation and my new BF has said he will just sit in the car and wait, but the thought of my EXAH and his family even seeing him in my car gives me anxiety. I have no idea what to do...
Anyone been through this? Insights appreciated

Live

I would go with the new BF's solution and take a few deep breaths. I doubt it will be as tense as you expect.

Phoenixthebird

Froglegs, I agree with your BF and Live's suggestion! I may be totally off base here, but what I perceive is you still have a sense of loyalty to your EXAH and you fear your EXAH will feel a sense of betrayal by having your "new man" waiting in the car. Emotions can be irrational and not correspond with reality. However, you must remember if your EXAH was a typical alcoholic than his first love was alcohol, not you. If this was the case, then your EXAH committed the first betrayal in your previous marriage. It sounds like you have a good thing going on......relax and appreciate it!

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." FDR’s First Inaugural Address

JenT1968

I understand your unease, but I'd go with the simplest practical solution for going from A to B via C, and leave ExAH and BF's potential feelings out of it. Their feelings are theirs to manage. You are a kind and caring person, you would not be hiring a fake BF to sit in the car to rub Ex's nose in it, just carrying on your life in the way that was most practically reasonable for you.

I have to stop myself over-analysing other people's possible reactions otehrwise I tie myself in knots and then when someone ends up with hurt feelings even after all my careful "management" I feel really p'd off!