tloweod

Hi all,

I just wanted to say hello. I am new to the ACA thing. I started therapy about a month ago and now I'm trying to supplement my therapy with as many resources as possible.

I was raised by an addict/alcoholic mother and my alcoholic stepfather until I was 13. I have lived with my grandparents since then. My grandfather was also an alcoholic for over 40 years. He quit drinking around 1985, but he never attempted to actually recover. So, for the most part have been in an alcoholic home my entire life. I guess that brings us up to speed.

I moved to a new town about four months ago. My girlfriend and I decided to get a place together. Since then, I have destroyed another relationship, and now find myself in a strange place where I barely know a soul. I'm trying to look at the whole situation as the perfect opportunity to help myself, but I admit that it is extremely difficult. I've tried looking for ACA meetings, but they aren't offered in my area. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

Tony

JT

Tony,

Welcome! I chose to attend Alanon...for family and friends of alcoholics. I am new to the ACA persuit myself but being raised in an alcoholic home that is part of my story.

What you said about ruining another relationship was interesting. We have a way of picking the wrong people. Or our dysfunctional upbringing makes it very difficult to maintain relationships long term. One or the other or a combination of both.

Anyway, make yourself at home. Cruise the other forums, I am sure you will find your "fit"

Hugs,
JT

tloweod

Thanks.

As my recovery continues the more depression I'm starting to feel. I will try Al-Anon. Any other suggestions?

journeygal

Hi Tony,

There are a lot of books out there you may find useful. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is excellent. I just started reading "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, which seems like it will be pretty helpful. I try to find books that offer exercises or journaling, so I can feel that I'm actively working on making changes and getting better.

You should also look for al-anon or CoDA meetings in your area.

Another thing I think a lot of us ACOAs do is to isolate ourselves, which I think adds to our depression - it certainly doesn't help. Are there any activities you enjoy? Try getting out and getting involved in something that will let you meet people. I think life is much better all around, in spite of the demons we live with daily, if we can find people to share our lives with. And I don't mean love relationships. I mean making new friends or connecting and bonding with others who share common goals or interests and remind us that we aren't alone in this world.

Hope this helps.

JT

About the depression...when I began recovery it got a whole lot worse before it got better. You are going and and shaking thing up...the dust is bound to fly!!

Hugs,
JT

tloweod

thank you both for your replies. i tried my first al-anon meeting last night. i had to do something because the night before was horrible. i had my ex's # ready to dial even know it is exactly what i don't need to do. i ended up calling everyone else, but it didn't really settle me down much. i read pretty late and tossed and turned all night. at the meeting, i can't tell you how many emotions i ran through while the members shared their feelings. i wanted to say so much, but i kept quiet.

i have been very emotional lately. as i was driving to work today i started crying right out of the blue. i think you're right. i'm really starting to stir some things up. there is so much more to this recovery than i ever imagined. i can slowly feel all the emotions. it is very overwhelming at times. so, with my schedule permitting, i'm going to try to attend as many meetings as i can.

as for what i like to do, i don't have a lot of time to do much. i try to go to the gym when i can, but right now i don't have much of a social pipeline. any suggestions?

tloweod

i'm going to try another meeting tonight. i know everyone has to hit 'bottom' before we can begin to grow and recover. i hope that the way i'm feeling now is the bottom.

12stepmarce

Hi.....Al-Anon works well for me. My parents were alcoholics, and I certainly relate about relationship problems. I went to Al-Anon and have found such help and solutions.

Today I sponsor Alateens. Boy, talk about wonderful! To be a part of someone young in recovery is very, very healing.

Good luck to you....recovery is a wonderful journey where the grand prize is.....YOU!