JayJay25

Hello everyone. My names Justin...im from sacramento ca. I have to Beutiful Daughter (2 and 3 years old). Im a single father and am doing the best i can in terms of PROVIDING for my childred...meaning to keep their needs met. Theres just one big problem. Im 25 and am addicted to Norco(10/325)...and somas (a little bit on the somas...350 mg four timees daily) I take 20 norco on a normal day and up to 35-40 on a bad day...I have a major problem and need help...im VERY scared...im only a little scared about the Physical withdrawl but am terrified about my mentality afterwards. Ive been addicted to norco for about 8 or 9 years...and addicted to soma for around 6 months. Ever since i can remember ive been on pills...due to a harsh childhood that made me develop severe mental problems...doctors have always had me on medications like aderol, ritalin, halidol...you name it...mostly anti-anxiety medications. I havent been on those types of pills for years. RIght now i currently have scripts for Remeron,Norco, and soma. I have seveer ulnar neuropathy...so thats why im prescribed pain medication. I get 240 norco a month...I run out in a week or so and have to buy more...i happen to have one of the biggest pill dealers ive ever heard of...so pill access is usually no problem at all....but i know eventually it will be. I WANT help...very badly...i LOVE my daughters..im all they really have...i have ZERO excuses as to why i take soo many pills. I have a good tolerance for pain...im not taking them for pain...im taking them strictly for the high....Im tired of it. Im scared that when im off the pills i wont be happy....dont get me wrong please..im very happy with my daughters...its not that. Ive had alot of stuff happen to me (like the rest of you) that i do just love to hide and not think about. My wife cheated on my with my brother..my father was a heroin addicted...died an overdosed in front of me as a child( i never cried once...i just wish i could have) My uncle hung himself right afterwards while i was in the house. My mother was addicted to meth for years...but has been clean for 10 years (and i mean clean..doesnt drink...nothing..not even ciggarettes) and she has been the most wonderful mother anyone could ask for. I was a ward of the state my whole young childhoo....that is untill my mother got me back..and turned her life around for the better. Anyways youd think id have no excuse to do what i do...and i dont. Yes its true i dont like to think off all the bad stuff thats happened to me as a kid and how my wife ruined my relationship with my only two brothers...BUT..its NO EXCUSE. I have to deal with my problems..and im tired of hiding my emotions with pills. I take THAT many...and they dont even zomby me out. Im a VERY loving person...i make a little over 7,800 a month so i do support my kids. But my HABBIT is killing me. Im crying out to all you for advice. I signed up for an outpatient opiod replacement therapy center on the third of january...but am scared to just get hooked on what they give me. PLEASE HELP ME...with any advice...i NEED your love and support...if not for me...just think of the two most beutiful girls youve ever seen...and how they love and need theyre father soo much...but their father is just killing himself off for reasons that make NO sense...PLEASE give me advice. Thank you VERY much...and may good karma come for you for helping soo many people out on their journey to a successful drug free life. Ill answer ANY questions you have for me.

endlesspatience

I can sense the fear, frustration and confusion in your post. Well done on reaching out for help. We are here for you and we're delighted you're sharing with us. There are lots of positive things in your life, aren't there? Two lovely daughters. A loving mother who knows about recovery. A stable well-paid job. A home in sunny California! But as you say, a problem with pills. I think that if you give it some thought and some effort you can beat that problem. It's terrific that you have already arranged some outpatient treatment on January 3rd. Can you now step back a little bit and try to think through what kind of Christmas and New Year your kids would enjoy with their loving father? And if you have a spiritual consciousness of any kind, I'd encourage you to exercise that part of your soul as that could be a first step on the road to recovery.

I'll leave it to others with more experience of your particular addiction to offer further support. In the meantime, welcome and best wishes for the next few days.

TheNile

Just think how the world looks through their eyes. They believe in Santa. In Elves. Give them that magic. At least reduce the pills and do not get out of control until you get into your treatment program. That's what I tell my self when I think of my little girls.

JayJay25

Sorry for all the typos. Im typing on my droid cell phone. I meant my wife cheated on me with BOTH my brothers. Im sharing a little bit of my background with you because im just not sure if im just trying to hide it...or if im just taking the drugs strictly because I love to get high...maybe its a little of both. Honestly I just don't know why...and I need some major help. I WILL BE attending that appt on the third...but would LOVE some advice...or just a good chat with fellow addicts....currently using or not. I do NOT want to keep living this way. I've been at rock bottom for awhile...thank god I have my kids still...but honestly they don't really have me. Yes I do make money...but have no job...that's all benefits from a trust ill get monthly for the rest of my life. I Do want to get clean...DO want a job...and I have no problem cutting out the people in my life that will keep me coming back for pills...ill completely alienate myself from any pill connection or anyone that will tempt me...for myself and my kids. I DO love my fellow addicts...and will always love them as some are my close friends...but they're gonna have to understand that my being sober is best for myself and my children. Please help me in anyway while im trying to help myself. Thank you and all the live in the world to you who have either gotten sober or are trying...and all the love to those who haven't yet.

JayJay25

Thank u very much for your reply. Btw I do believe in god...I've just never had good self control ....but am wanting to change that...and I have much postitivity in my life that im very greatful for...that's why I just don't understand why I do this to myself and my loved ones. Im ready for change...please share tour experiences as a former or current drug taker...and your road to sobriety . Thank you.

Dee74

Hi Jay Jay

This board is full of people who've turned their lives around and are leading full and happy lives without drugs and alcohol. It's very possible - not always easy, but you'll find a lot of help and support here. We all take it a day at time to start with

We also have a substance abuse forum here you may be interested in
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse

My advice is to firstly go speak honestly with your Dr. If your current Dr is not approachable, find another pain management doctor, Justin.

my other bit of advice is find as much support as you can - have you considered face to face support - something like NA?

D

least

Welcome to the family! I hope you can get your life sorted out soon and find peace of mind.

kiki5711

wow, back up a little, I never even heard of some of the stuff you take.!

In addition to alcohol, I also got addicted to meds. Eventually I couldn't tell what did what or when. It was all mixed up and one worked one day or during the night, switched over to another one during the day and the "search" for the right "feeling" went on and on and on day in, day out.

After my rehab I decided to throw everything out but my cancer medication. I tapered of the antidepressants and ALL.

However, my anxiety and nerves would not let me sleep, had anxiety panicks all day long, my stomach and chest hurting from pain from that stress feeling of tightness.

I told my psychiatrist what was going on and told her that I feel I really DO need something, cause I am obviously not able to function normally without any meds at all.

She did prescribe me some new antidepressants in addition to Seroquil. I feel the difference. I hate the fact that from all the trauma in my life, I have to take medication, but that may be a fact of life as is for me now.

I'm just sharing this cause I know what it feels like to be on a constant merry go round with the "quest" for feeling "right" and it's a never ending battle.

I'm learning to set my boundaries from my "stressors". Which is something I learned in rehab and from reading here. It's been a tremedous help being on this forum. I've learned so much about myself through others and what I need to do for myself.

I wish you the best of luck.

Anna

Hi Jay and Welcome!

Please know that we do understand and that we know how really scary this is.

I also think it's important to talk to your dr or find one who you can trust.

And, there is always support here.

JayJay25

kiki-
Thank you VERY much for sharing with me. I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety disorder and everytime ive even tried to get off pills or anything the anxiety just takes over...a constant feeling of being out of body and mind....like im literally NOT comfortable being me. I really know how you feel about trying to find out HOW to feel just "right". Id do literally ANYTHING to just feel "normal" without having to take any drugs. I know i need my remeron(mirtazipine..anti-anxiety medication like seroquil...not a benzo or an addictive drug) to keep my panic attacks away. I really cant wait untill the third of jan. Im excited to get help because ive come to terms that im just not strong enough to do it alone. And im prepared for it to be a long hard battle, as i realize theres no easy way out. Im interested in SUB...they told me they could put me on methadone...but thats just not a choice that i would be comfortable with. Please share more stories and thank u all for the replys. Im looking for stories similar to mine (about norcos) and/or being a drug addict with diagnosed anxiety problems. Thank you very much

Impurrfect

((((JayJay))) - I'm really glad you're reaching out for help. I'm a recovering crack addict, but I abused the heck out of opiates before that, and alcohol before that.

I went to 12-step meetings, had almost 5 months clean (from the opiates) but I hadn't surrendered, yet, and hooked up with a guy who introduced me to crack. It took me to a very low bottom.

I'd lurked on SR for over a year, finally joined when I had 6 months clean, and it has been a lifesaver.

I think, and this is just my opinion, that you would benefit from counseling as you've had some really horrific things happen in your past. You haven't dealt with those feelings, as you've been numb. Btdt, though my stuff wasn't as bad as yours.

Please, please, please find a doctor and be honest...get checked out. Norco is really hard on your liver and you can't live without a liver (as my nursing instructor explained...though I lost that career thanks to my crack addiction). My dr. is awesome...I told him of my addiction history the first time I met him. I, too, deal with PTSD, but he works with me, sits and talks to me, and gives me samples of meds because I'm poor. I had to be put on an anti-d after getting pistol-whipped in a robbery at work, and he gave them to me.

You have some pretty awesome blessings....two daughters, a mom in recovery, and no money problems. Give yourself the gift of being present in life...of giving your girls a dad who is present for them. You deserve it. Recovery isn't easy, at least not at first, but it gets better and better when you can truly appreciate the good things, and get through the bad things and get stronger for it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kmber2010

Jay, welcome to SR. While I do not have experience with pills, etc. I know what it is to recover from addiction - alcoholic here.

I just wanted to say we are here for you and there is so much support and info for you.

Glad you are with us....and I know for a fact that a life without addiction is possible and getting that face to face support was critical for me.

wpainterw

My "advice" to you is to get the best and most responsible professional help available. You can get off the pills since, as you say, you take them only for getting "high". That's your body talking to you, not your brain.Your body's addicted and is controlling how you think. You can do it, but you do need lots of help, both from professionals and from others in recovery. Good luck. Every good wish.

W.

kiki5711

Hi how are you doing today?

One thing that I feel helped me a lot is being totally honest with my psychiatrist. I didn't hide any of the gory details that I would never tell anyone else in a million years. I didn't lie to her just to get more meds and continue my addiction.

In turn she was honest with me and not condescending as if she was talking to a lying idiot. She understood all the fears, anxiety, pain, stress I was going through and how I was trying to deal with it all. She trusted me with the meds she was prescribing and I was happy thinking she didn't think I would abuse her/trick her into being my supplier just to get high.


But anyway, it's also been helping reading posts on this forum. Some posts I read and I instantly feel sick. "Flashbacks!!!"

I made it through Christmas day without any drama from any of the kids. (Except a little drama but that was just little crap though) Hurray for that!

See ya later,






But anyway,

Saliena

Hey Jay-Jay... Like everyone else I just want to give you a HUGE HUG... you are totally doing the right thing by reaching out for help. I have never had a pill addiction... my drug of choice was always the bottle. But, I can tell you my psychologist put me on a drug called Vivtrol. It helps me in a couple of ways:

1) I don't have the consistant nagging/wanting in the back of my head that makes me want to drink.
2) Vivtrol is an opiet (sp?) blocker... it might be helpful for you. If I am ever in a car accident I have to tell the doctor I am on vivtrol and I can not take regular pain pills without going through withdrawl.

For me #2 wasn't that big of a deal because I don't have a pill addiction... but, it might be helpful in helping you stop. You might want to talk to your doctor!

I wish you the best... and you are the best chance your daughters have to break the circle of abuse your family seems to be shadowed in.

HUGE HUGS!!
Saliena