wonderingfriend

I know what I need to do, I know I need to walk away and cut ties until he can figure things out on his own and learn to love himself. But, I don't think I'm strong enough to do it. Its selfish for me to want to keep up with him I think.......

someone tell me I'm strong enough to do this...I know he needs to feel the pain of me leaving

cece1960

I think we need to be careful of our motives when making a difficult decision involving our relationships. This isn't about him, its about you.

If you feel that your life has become chaos and pain and an emotional rollercoaster, then maybe its time to get off. I you feel that you can not maintain a relationship that is healthy while he continues to use, then maybe its time to cut the ties.

But my experience tells me that little that I did controlled my AS's decisions in regards to using or not using.

Wishing you peace
(((Hugs)))

cece1960

I forgot to add...you are stronger than you think (((wondering))).

Often times we just have to do the next best thing until the path becomes more clear.
Feel free to lean on us for a spell if you're feeling weary

Kindeyes

Walking away may be the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

gentle hugs

wonderingfriend

I may have mis-spoken. I'm not doing this to try to change him...I'm doing this for me and because I know that I cannot continue to support him this way. But thanks for the replies

steve1840

i think we are strong enough if we want to be. i have been stuck in this position for a couple months now. deep down i know i have the strength to walk away and let her find her path, yet there are things that stop me from doing it, mostly the fear of losing her for good. i know my actions have little effect on her choices, but somewhere i have it stuck in my head that she may slip back into a worse place if i leave. all the advice i get makes sense, but i realize i am not ready to make that big choice. i will do it if/when i am ready. more so, i will do it when it happens, when i don't have to even think about it. until then i know what to expect. the strength is there, the willingness is not.

tam

as much as we think we are weak, we also are strong.

Babyblue

These decisions are never easy. The fact that they are hard is because you are a caring person. But when your pain exceeds what you are getting back then it is time to look at your options. Life is too short to not find your happiness.

Just know that the issues you are dealing with now will follow you until you work on them through therapy or al-anon or some type of support. I often read of people who post all about leaving or saying they are detached but the drama keeps getting dug up over and over with the addict (whereever you go, there you are) because the core issues have not been dealt with I believe.

And that is really at the heart of co-dependency, allowing someone else's life and choices to affect our lives and our own individual happiness. It is a process and for you it may not be the time or it may be but you know yourself and I think when people are ready to make changes, nothing stops them.

I think deciding what is the right option is probably the biggest step to take.

lightseeker

One place that I have found strength is in Naranon. I live in Charlotte, too. The meetings might be small but they are really helpful. It's important to be getting support for you.

Read through the sticky's at the top of the forum....that helps a lot. Thinking about you.

devastated

Hello:

You are not only strong enough to walk away and sever the ties, but once you do it you will be shocked at how easy and peaceful your life will become.

Right now you are too close to the situation and cannot imagine how good life can be. When you are ready to make the move, you will do it! When you do it, mark my words life will be good again!

You are strong enough!

Hugs, Devastated

sofacat

"I know I need to walk away and cut ties until he can figure things out on his own and learn to love himself."

Hello wonderingfriend.

Many of us came to this place with the intentions of finding help and answers for the A's in our lives. Something, someplace that can help stop the madness and maybe a way to get very much needed help and advice for the people that we love who are killing themselves with their addiction. I know, that's why I came here in the beginning.

What I didn't realize is how little I loved myself, & how far away from "me" I had become.
Most of the sentences started with "he" and "him".... what he needs to do, what he needs to think, what he needs to stay away from. And day by day, as I work on my own Codependency...the sentences that used to start with him, now begin with "Me".

"someone tell me I'm strong enough to do this..."

You will find the strength to get your life back, when you absolutely cannot take another minute of living your life in the chaos. When you are willing to do whatever it takes to help yourself. Most of us can look back on our lives, and realize that the situations that we find ourselves in with people we feel we need to "fix, rescue & save" have been going on longer than we realized.

When you are absolutely ready....ready to work harder than you ever have to get yourself back...you will find the strength. And we will be here helping you along the way.