stellaloella

So, after realizing just how harsh my situation is in my new town (not knowing a soul, being forced to adhere to a legal parenting plan, not having a job, etc.) I decided to put my prejudices aside and go to AA. I can't say part of it is not selfishly motivated, because if I wish to change the parenting plan, I must demonstrate some change, and what better way than to prove I'm at AA? However, I'm happy to have met some nice people and so far, so good. I have been going to about 2 meetings a day because I've just been so depressed sitting here by myself, in the middle of winter, feeling more alone than I ever have before in my life. I had one unpleasant surprise last Friday when I followed some folks in my car to a speaker meeting, which was that the church was right across from where my now-ex and daughter are living. Guess I won't be going there again any time soon! Aside from that, I'm glad I've gone because I now feel the burden isn't just mine alone.

Just thought I'd share, and I hope everyone is doing well today, or as well as they can.

Kmber2010

Well done Stella. I can relate to taking a plunge in recovery and going out a limb and taking a chance for support. While I do counseling.....I have to go to a place where lets say everyone sees me. I remember being so nervous at first but then it became so freeing and liberating. I no longer cared and I really began to find it helpful for me. I looked forward to it.

Glad you are giving the program a go and having face to face support for me was crucial.

Dee74

I'm really pleased for you Stella - it sounds like a good decision for you, and one that's paying off already

D

DayTrader

Although I didn't have kids to think of.... I kinda went down the same path. It wasn't that I wanted to go to AA but I was so sick of living the way I was (in my own head) that I figured I better not turn my nose up at any opportunities to better myself or my life.

As luck would have it, I ended up right where I should have been years ago.

Now, I've learned to work on my end of a spiritual relationship with a God of my understanding....and boy oh boy....whatta difference. It was the best gift I ever could have received and I didn't even know I needed it.

Mark75

Many of us didn't want to go... last resort, court ordered, job... You are not unique in that regard.

You'll do fine.

Jeeper2010

I am kind of where you were right before you went to AA. I am trying to do it on my own but don't know if I can. Really nervous about going to a meeting.

Zencat

There's nothing wrong with reaching out for support no matter why.

johndelko408

I didn't want to have to go to AA either. I didn't consider myself an alcoholic but a "problem drinker". I wanted so badly to be able to moderate, but with every effort it just didnt seem to work out as I wanted it to. I'm greatful for AA, I truly love the program and try my best to practice the principles in all my affairs. I'm coming up on a year of sobriety, I have 353 days today. I wasn't even able to make it past 4 months without the program. It's a wonderful program that truly works miracles. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll soon feel the same. Congrats on surrendering, you've already completed step 1

MsCooterBrown

Stella..I think about you often..sounds like you are on your way lady!! Good job..thanks so much for letting us know how you are doin!!

stellaloella

Thanks for the support everyone. I do agree that the program has merit. I didn't believe I fit the bill, but let's be real -- I've known (in my heart of hearts) that I'm an alcoholic since at LEAST 2003. Jeepers, I know your fear. I went to my first AA meeting in February of 2009. I was TERRIFIED. However, I've gone to enough now, probably 20 total, that I see that everyone there just lays their heart out on the table and no one judges.

I also find that I was not in a place in my life that was as urgent, and it was easier for me to not keep an open mind then. I now feel that my life requires an open mind, or who knows what might happen. I've certainly practiced having a closed mind for a long enough time; I expect that the time is ripe for me to embrace whatever good "the program" can offer.

Mark75

Contempt prior to investigation... we've all been there stella.

stugotz

Giving up is the most powerful thing you can do.

ronf

Stella, Mornin, If you liked the people you drank with, you'll like us. We're the same people ! The only difference is, the morning after a meeting you don't have to try and remember who your mad at or who's mad at you. And you don't have to remember who you promised you'd help move. ; ) At some point you'll realize the time you feel like laughing is equal to the time you feel like crying. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time. Every bit of hell I went through has been repaid to me ten fold in happiness. Someone thinks your worth saving or they wouldn't have pulled you out of this hole in the first place.

Ron

Anna

Stella, I'm glad to see you doing whatever it takes for you to get sober and to be the mother you want to be.

Zebra1275

I started going to AA last April. I was pretty nervous about going to my first meeting of a Sunday night men's group, not knowing who will see me, what I'll say, the usual worries. Now, for the past several weeks I've chaired the meeting and enjoy doing it. What a difference a few months can make.

endlesspatience

I think I'm enjoying going to the meetings now. Did two on Saturday, two on Tuesday and intend to do a couple tomorrow if I can. Why do I enjoy it? I suppose because they are helping me to think about things in a refreshing positive way. And they keep me sober. That's a great couple of reasons to go.

1_day@_a_time

the speaker meeting which was at the church across from where my now-ex and daughter are living

Maybe them seeing you walking out would be a very good thing!

stellaloella

Thanks, all. I knew it was only a matter of time.

I postponed forever, but now at this particular time it is interesting; not only did I experience a massive personal upheaval, I found myself in a community with meetings that actually FEEL right for me -- unlike some that I've previously attended. And I kid you not, it's not just about readiness, I found some really dysfunctional groups from the outset in 2009, but this group feels great and I love the support. And the people. I guess I was a latent AA-er all along... who knew?

Eddiebuckle

Life only gives us as much truth as we can handle at any given moment. Keep coming back Stella, don't give up before the miracle occurs.

CarolD

I can't think of a single thing in my life
that has been harmed by my AA lifestyle....

I can't think of one single thing that would make
he ever leave the benefits I;m enjoying.

Hope all smooths out for you soon.