SSIL75

I have 2 things to report:

1 - Even though I've understood intellectually that I can't drink again I was for some reason hanging on to my 'girls weekend' that I traditionally have a year after I have a baby. I would leave said baby (and other kids) with my husband and go 'relax' (get smashed) for a weekend. I couldn't let it go. I kept thinking that I could do it. One, isolated weekend and then come back to real life. I knew it couldn't happen but I was trying to get to a point where I didn't WANT it.

It's been 4 months of me just touching on it on and off. Like a sore tooth. And finally, it's gone.

2 - I finally talked to my husband some more. He kept asking if we could host a NYE thing and I don't want to (I want to go to our friends house instead of them coming here so I can leave if I need to). He kept on and on (he loves to entertain) and finally I kept making excuses before blurting out "because I'm an alcoholic in early recovery and I need an escape route". And then burst into tears because I am completely incapable of discussing my sobriety IRL without crying (is that normal? I don't feel sad I just feel SO emotional about it).

So, that's me. Two good things!

Thanks for everything, SR. Wouldn't have a hope without you all.

MsCooterBrown

You were being honest. And saying it outloud brought on emotion. That you wouldn't have if you were drinking. At least I didn't..just in a zombie state while drinking. You did good.

kiki5711

flutter

I think this just shows incredible growth in your recovery, SSIL.. I'm really happy for you.

And yes, even now, if I sat down and really talked about this stuff with anyone, I'd be a mess of tears. It's traumatic in it's own way, to go through what we have, to come out of it alive and ok, and carry on with the challenges it brings to our lives.

I'm so proud of you.

Mark75

Hi SSIL

I have experience with those things you mention...

I take a yearly ski trip with friends, sometimes one or more of my kids, sometimes their kids... A week in a condo with a bunch of guys. Beer, Wine, and for me, my pills and maybe a stashed pint.... They are usually in Feb or March. The first one to come up after I started recovery... I was 6 months... I let that trip go... no way was I to have a good time.... But... last year I was 1.5 years, I made the trip with a son and had a blast... this year, plans are set and I'm way looking forward to it...

My wife hosts an annual christmas party for her side of the family... those are a little more dicey... The first was at 3 months and frankly, it sucked.... I left, made up something about a last minute errand... last year was ok, this year, it was OK too... it doesn't help that one brother in law is the wine director at a posh resort and brings lots of really expensive wines and another loves eclectic microbrews... but I do fine now... I will admit to watching the Eagles/Giants game (go Eagles!!) with my son... but my wife seemed to understand....

Anyway, SSIL... I got to the point where I can handle the ski trip, no, more than that... I look forward to them and have a blast... and I can do the holiday party thing without self pity or strong urges, well, maybe a wistful glance at what my in-laws brought... but no big deal.

Get recovered and you can go on your girls weekend and have fun, and your husband will throw his NYE bash without you suffering through it.... maybe not this year, but next.

Hang in there.

SSIL75

Thanks so much everyone!

Anna

It sounds like you're doing great!

Good for you for being honest with your husband and knowing that you had to do what was right for you. You're making your recovery your priority and that's the wisest thing that you can do.

Demut

TOTALLY normal in my sober world. But then, this time around has been met with extra doses of shame; yes, the crying thing has been perpetual now and its been six weeks. This sticks out for me because I'm not a "cryer" - you sound great!

LLCY52

I am always emotional when discussing my recovery and sobriety. You did the right thing by telling your husband your feelings about NYE. I always had to have an escape route when alcohol was involved.

Your sobriety always has to come first. Maybe next year you can have your party.

SSIL75

What made my crying worse was in the middle of the whole thing my 2 year old came over to investigate. (My 4 year old was in his room). She wanted me to pick her up so I did of course. I was holding her and talking to my husband. She had a snoopy Christmas ornament in her hand and was threading it through my hair. "Wook mommy! Snoopy's behind the curtain!" (my hair). Just threading it in and out. Behind the curtain, in front of the curtain.

It just gripped me. I CANNOT f*ck this up. She is precious and innocent and beautiful and she needs a sober mommy.

I can't eff it up.

CarolD

You are winning over alcohol....
What an accomplishment SIL.

This time of year can be emotionally draining for many of us
We so want to be the perfect ---------- and feel overwhelmed.
Start thinking you are special...but not perfect.

Blessings to you and your family

Dee74

All of us are playing for pretty high stakes - but this is a wonderful community of support and help and ideas.

I have a lot of faith in you SSIL - you can do this
D

artsoul

I think it's great that you were able to feel and express your emotions - I mean that's a part of this whole recovery deal! And it really IS a big deal to stay sober - it physical, mental, spiritual, AND emotional. Add husband, children, holidays...... yeah, you're doing great!

Kmber2010

SSIL, I am so glad you shared. I think you are so on the right path here and you have made huge progress. You have so many beautiful reasons for staying the course and in time....it will come together.

You are one strong lady!!! This share really put a smile on my face. Yup, I find strength in the journey of others. Coming up on having my baby soon so I can relate that we have so many beautiful reasons for choosing this better life.

Huggs.