quick post
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
quick post
so, despite everyones' best intentions and efforts, i am still a bit of a mess. completely stuck in the middle between believing everyone about what this is and beleiving that there is a difference.
for now i am just trying to maintain some balance in my life. we had an early christmas yesterday with the family and it was very good. we go to the hospital at 5am for my dad, so just a bit over 12 hrs to go. i'll be with family tonight and tomorrow, so i don't know when i'll be checking in again.
i know i am frustrating to some people because i remain stuck in this place, if i dont appear for a while its that i have things i am dealing with, but i want EVERYONE to know i have really appreciated all your input. i wish i made it easier for you all and myself. but it is what it is and i need to do it all in my own way, i have to live my story as is must play out. but i might be back tomorrow, i just wanted to say happy holidays in case i am not around.
so-
Happy Holidays
for now i am just trying to maintain some balance in my life. we had an early christmas yesterday with the family and it was very good. we go to the hospital at 5am for my dad, so just a bit over 12 hrs to go. i'll be with family tonight and tomorrow, so i don't know when i'll be checking in again.
i know i am frustrating to some people because i remain stuck in this place, if i dont appear for a while its that i have things i am dealing with, but i want EVERYONE to know i have really appreciated all your input. i wish i made it easier for you all and myself. but it is what it is and i need to do it all in my own way, i have to live my story as is must play out. but i might be back tomorrow, i just wanted to say happy holidays in case i am not around.
so-
Happy Holidays
Last edited by cece1960; 12-20-2010 at 12:11 PM.
Use this time for some peace and clarity.
You are the one in it, not us. We just see things from a distance and many of us have an inkling as to how it will play out. Trying to spare you some of the difficult lessons except only you know your threshold and limits.
But no one knows the future.
So enjoy the now with your family!!
bb
You are the one in it, not us. We just see things from a distance and many of us have an inkling as to how it will play out. Trying to spare you some of the difficult lessons except only you know your threshold and limits.
But no one knows the future.
So enjoy the now with your family!!
bb
((Steve))
For me, you aren't frustrating - you are just another friend walking a similiar path. I have been there, I had to "see the light" in my own time too. The words of the "12 steps" are simple but in no way is recovery easy - For me, it has been one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it has always been so much better than what I was living in, doing and trying to accomplish before ~ I pray that it will be the same for YOU!
PINK HUGS & Merry Christmas to you!!
Rita
For me, you aren't frustrating - you are just another friend walking a similiar path. I have been there, I had to "see the light" in my own time too. The words of the "12 steps" are simple but in no way is recovery easy - For me, it has been one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it has always been so much better than what I was living in, doing and trying to accomplish before ~ I pray that it will be the same for YOU!
PINK HUGS & Merry Christmas to you!!
Rita
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
my father's surgery seems to have gone ok and he has been moved to icu. he's still out of it and i am going back to the hospital in a hour. it is cionvenient that it is 2 blocks from my work.
i spoke to my cousin from jail last night, she called to wish my dad luck. she's been in 3yrs and has been in active addiction about 30. i have never heard her sound so good since i was a kid. she really seems to have hit on recovery and i hope she stays clean once she gets out next month. i heard her quacking for years, but i can hear the difference in her.
that relates to my friend. i think she wants to be clean but doesnt wantto stop getting high. she is up to her full dose of methadone, but stil using dope. rather than jump right in to the negativity, i'll give the benefit of saying that she is using less and is getting into therapy hopefully in one to two weeks. i know any use is not recovery.
i have used the board as a crutch to a degree and doing that i think has kept me from taking action. i can jsut talk about it here and not do anything. so, over the next few days i'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital and doing a few holiday things with family. instead of obsessing about my friend's addiction as an external thing, i am looking at it as something differently now. but not posting as much, i am getting more time to actually think about things and will be reacting in accordance with what i have learned.
of course the good thing is that hte surgery is said to have gone well, now i hope for a successful recovery for him.
i spoke to my cousin from jail last night, she called to wish my dad luck. she's been in 3yrs and has been in active addiction about 30. i have never heard her sound so good since i was a kid. she really seems to have hit on recovery and i hope she stays clean once she gets out next month. i heard her quacking for years, but i can hear the difference in her.
that relates to my friend. i think she wants to be clean but doesnt wantto stop getting high. she is up to her full dose of methadone, but stil using dope. rather than jump right in to the negativity, i'll give the benefit of saying that she is using less and is getting into therapy hopefully in one to two weeks. i know any use is not recovery.
i have used the board as a crutch to a degree and doing that i think has kept me from taking action. i can jsut talk about it here and not do anything. so, over the next few days i'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital and doing a few holiday things with family. instead of obsessing about my friend's addiction as an external thing, i am looking at it as something differently now. but not posting as much, i am getting more time to actually think about things and will be reacting in accordance with what i have learned.
of course the good thing is that hte surgery is said to have gone well, now i hope for a successful recovery for him.
great news about your dad's surgery steve. I am so glad it went well.
And, you are so close (two blocks) to the hospital.
It is great to hear the "real" person when they are sober like your cousin. I could tell right away with my son when I heard his voice.
Have some Happy Holidays Steve.
Beth
And, you are so close (two blocks) to the hospital.
It is great to hear the "real" person when they are sober like your cousin. I could tell right away with my son when I heard his voice.
Have some Happy Holidays Steve.
Beth
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Steve, I really get this: I considered thinking about it and talking about it doing something. It didn't work out for me. I didn't understand that at all. I was trying in the way I knew how.
I had to give up trying at all. Not what I wanted but I ran out of all other options.
Glad to hear your dad is okay and that is really handy being so near!
I had to give up trying at all. Not what I wanted but I ran out of all other options.
Glad to hear your dad is okay and that is really handy being so near!
Truth is, even in best of circumstances it is impossible to know what someone is thinking or what their motives are for whatever it is they do.
I think all of us have been there with the addicts in our lives. Human nature is to want to understand and predict. Those are powerful forces you are up against. Just don't let those forces control you.
Hoping your dad has a speedy recovery. Hospitals are a drag so try to do something fun for YOU this season if ya can. You deserve it !
L.
I think all of us have been there with the addicts in our lives. Human nature is to want to understand and predict. Those are powerful forces you are up against. Just don't let those forces control you.
Hoping your dad has a speedy recovery. Hospitals are a drag so try to do something fun for YOU this season if ya can. You deserve it !
L.
my father's surgery seems to have gone ok and he has been moved to icu. he's still out of it and i am going back to the hospital in a hour. it is cionvenient that it is 2 blocks from my work.
i spoke to my cousin from jail last night, she called to wish my dad luck. she's been in 3yrs and has been in active addiction about 30. i have never heard her sound so good since i was a kid. she really seems to have hit on recovery and i hope she stays clean once she gets out next month. i heard her quacking for years, but i can hear the difference in her.
that relates to my friend. i think she wants to be clean but doesnt wantto stop getting high. she is up to her full dose of methadone, but stil using dope. rather than jump right in to the negativity, i'll give the benefit of saying that she is using less and is getting into therapy hopefully in one to two weeks. i know any use is not recovery.
i have used the board as a crutch to a degree and doing that i think has kept me from taking action. i can jsut talk about it here and not do anything. so, over the next few days i'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital and doing a few holiday things with family. instead of obsessing about my friend's addiction as an external thing, i am looking at it as something differently now. but not posting as much, i am getting more time to actually think about things and will be reacting in accordance with what i have learned.
of course the good thing is that hte surgery is said to have gone well, now i hope for a successful recovery for him.
i spoke to my cousin from jail last night, she called to wish my dad luck. she's been in 3yrs and has been in active addiction about 30. i have never heard her sound so good since i was a kid. she really seems to have hit on recovery and i hope she stays clean once she gets out next month. i heard her quacking for years, but i can hear the difference in her.
that relates to my friend. i think she wants to be clean but doesnt wantto stop getting high. she is up to her full dose of methadone, but stil using dope. rather than jump right in to the negativity, i'll give the benefit of saying that she is using less and is getting into therapy hopefully in one to two weeks. i know any use is not recovery.
i have used the board as a crutch to a degree and doing that i think has kept me from taking action. i can jsut talk about it here and not do anything. so, over the next few days i'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital and doing a few holiday things with family. instead of obsessing about my friend's addiction as an external thing, i am looking at it as something differently now. but not posting as much, i am getting more time to actually think about things and will be reacting in accordance with what i have learned.
of course the good thing is that hte surgery is said to have gone well, now i hope for a successful recovery for him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
my dad was sitting up today and they took him for a short walk down the hall. i think tomorrow they will move him out of icu to a regular room. so, it looks like everythnig is going well.
now the other situation. i want to believe in her, but i am not blind either. i don't feel as emotionally attached right now, but that can be because there has been contact. i want to believe in her, that she will continue to follow through with the assistance program. if she does, by the end of next week she can be receiving help for rooming and therapy and councilling. the problem is she is still using. again i dont know what is real or not when she tells me she feels bad about using. she tried to make it all through yesterday, but ended up using later last night. after talking to my cousin, who appears to be recovered, i wantto her that kind of life in my friend, but i know she is still struggling. i am starting to see it more in black and white, that i should have no involvement while she is activly using. it feels like somethnig small sank in, but i'lltake it no matter how small it is.
now the other situation. i want to believe in her, but i am not blind either. i don't feel as emotionally attached right now, but that can be because there has been contact. i want to believe in her, that she will continue to follow through with the assistance program. if she does, by the end of next week she can be receiving help for rooming and therapy and councilling. the problem is she is still using. again i dont know what is real or not when she tells me she feels bad about using. she tried to make it all through yesterday, but ended up using later last night. after talking to my cousin, who appears to be recovered, i wantto her that kind of life in my friend, but i know she is still struggling. i am starting to see it more in black and white, that i should have no involvement while she is activly using. it feels like somethnig small sank in, but i'lltake it no matter how small it is.
my dad was sitting up today and they took him for a short walk down the hall. i think tomorrow they will move him out of icu to a regular room. so, it looks like everythnig is going well.
now the other situation. i want to believe in her, but i am not blind either. i don't feel as emotionally attached right now, but that can be because there has been contact. i want to believe in her, that she will continue to follow through with the assistance program. if she does, by the end of next week she can be receiving help for rooming and therapy and councilling. the problem is she is still using. again i dont know what is real or not when she tells me she feels bad about using. she tried to make it all through yesterday, but ended up using later last night. after talking to my cousin, who appears to be recovered, i wantto her that kind of life in my friend, but i know she is still struggling. i am starting to see it more in black and white, that i should have no involvement while she is activly using. it feels like somethnig small sank in, but i'lltake it no matter how small it is.
now the other situation. i want to believe in her, but i am not blind either. i don't feel as emotionally attached right now, but that can be because there has been contact. i want to believe in her, that she will continue to follow through with the assistance program. if she does, by the end of next week she can be receiving help for rooming and therapy and councilling. the problem is she is still using. again i dont know what is real or not when she tells me she feels bad about using. she tried to make it all through yesterday, but ended up using later last night. after talking to my cousin, who appears to be recovered, i wantto her that kind of life in my friend, but i know she is still struggling. i am starting to see it more in black and white, that i should have no involvement while she is activly using. it feels like somethnig small sank in, but i'lltake it no matter how small it is.
It's good news that your father was able to make a few steps. It means he's healing!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
glad to hear your dad's on the road to recovery and everything went well for him.
happy your spending time with you family although going through medical issues isnt fun, Im happy your with you family steve. You certainly need to be with them.
happy holidays to you too!
happy your spending time with you family although going through medical issues isnt fun, Im happy your with you family steve. You certainly need to be with them.
happy holidays to you too!
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