Hulk-like rage
Avenger of my liver
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 101
Hulk-like rage
Hi all
While I'm waiting for my next contract to start, I have nothing but free time. I recently came off a bender and am in Day 4 right now. I'm finding that I have an insurmountable amount of rage in me presently.
When I start thinking about people who wronged me or situations I came out on the short end of, I start fantasizing about how I should have handled the situation differently with a nice amount of violence. This in turn gets me really shaky and makes me clench my fists and start seeing white spots.
I stay in my room so as not to chance upon damaging someone and ending up in jail or the hospital. I know this will pass as it always does when I dry out.
Any advice on how to deal with this? I don't really want to stay in my room all day for fear of getting angry with my housemates. I really need to get outside and run some errands.
While I'm waiting for my next contract to start, I have nothing but free time. I recently came off a bender and am in Day 4 right now. I'm finding that I have an insurmountable amount of rage in me presently.
When I start thinking about people who wronged me or situations I came out on the short end of, I start fantasizing about how I should have handled the situation differently with a nice amount of violence. This in turn gets me really shaky and makes me clench my fists and start seeing white spots.
I stay in my room so as not to chance upon damaging someone and ending up in jail or the hospital. I know this will pass as it always does when I dry out.
Any advice on how to deal with this? I don't really want to stay in my room all day for fear of getting angry with my housemates. I really need to get outside and run some errands.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Hi Catfisher. I know what you mean about being mad and upset. I too have felt wronged in situations before. All I can say is this. The anger that you harbor toward them only hurts you. Discontent, irratability, and self-pity are the roots of the disease.
My advice would be to (if you have one) ask your higher power to grant you the peace to accept the things you can not change. The courage and strength to change the things you can. Also, know that you are very early on in sobriety. A lot of the feelngs you may be having (however valid) might be amplified based on your chemical make up at this very moment.
It will get better man. Just take it nice and easy. Best of luck.
My advice would be to (if you have one) ask your higher power to grant you the peace to accept the things you can not change. The courage and strength to change the things you can. Also, know that you are very early on in sobriety. A lot of the feelngs you may be having (however valid) might be amplified based on your chemical make up at this very moment.
It will get better man. Just take it nice and easy. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Hey Cat
The first few weeks for me I was a walking Powder Keg. I was playing out the same scenarios in my head as you on all the people who had wronged me.
It took some serious looking into myself over the last 7 months to finally let go of it all. I had to understand that the hate I was having was nothing more than a self projection of myself and the me that I was hating and it was looking into a mirror.
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
The first few weeks for me I was a walking Powder Keg. I was playing out the same scenarios in my head as you on all the people who had wronged me.
It took some serious looking into myself over the last 7 months to finally let go of it all. I had to understand that the hate I was having was nothing more than a self projection of myself and the me that I was hating and it was looking into a mirror.
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
When I read your subject line I thought "day 3? day 4?". I felt the same way. I will say I felt LESS that way this time because I really, really wanted to live a sober life. The last time I quit I was doing it b/c I felt like I should and that definitely didn't help my state of mind.
Avenger of my liver
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by bcboy 
Hey Cat
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
To me each of the situations/people that are the source of the anger and rage are deserving of that. Yes, I know I need to let it go and not give that energy. Just have to think about it...and not care, which is the hardest part.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Hey Cat, I just re-read my post and It read a little "preachy". Sorry if it came off that way. The jist of it was basically to say recently I've learned that when I am festering anger toward others (even when It's justified) actually puts me in a bad mood and can actually lead to me drinking. The old "I'll show you, I'll hurt me" angle.
I identify with your post very much. Hang in there man...
I identify with your post very much. Hang in there man...
Avenger of my liver
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
Hey Cat, I just re-read my post and It read a little "preachy". Sorry if it came off that way. The jist of it was basically to say recently I've learned that when I am festering anger toward others (even when It's justified) actually puts me in a bad mood and can actually lead to me drinking. The old "I'll show you, I'll hurt me" angle.
I identify with your post very much. Hang in there man...
I identify with your post very much. Hang in there man...
Oddly enough, the other trigger is when I accomplish something big with major success.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by Catfisher
I can see what you're saying but looking into myself I see nothing. I see no "inner reason" why I would have the hatred for some of those people that I do. Only the "surface reason" I can find. (ooh, sounded like Yoda there)
To me each of the situations/people that are the source of the anger and rage are deserving of that. Yes, I know I need to let it go and not give that energy. Just have to think about it...and not care, which is the hardest part.
To me each of the situations/people that are the source of the anger and rage are deserving of that. Yes, I know I need to let it go and not give that energy. Just have to think about it...and not care, which is the hardest part.
Lets look into this deserving of anger and rage. Was it because they did something against you? was it something you did not like? Now look closer into the reason for your anger and why is it so important for you to hold onto this.
The people you are angry with are people close to you. You have become dependent on them for comfort, stability, your own personal happiness or some other reason. This dependency has fear because of the you wanting this security, happiness, comfort or anything else from someone other than you. And when you put other people in charge of the you and your happiness it will always fail because of the you projecting your wants and desires onto them.
You are alone in finding what is truth, freedom. Giving that power to anyone else will only cause the anger you are experiencing today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think anger is a very common emotion in early recovery catfisher.
I know I drank at least in part to try and salve the strong feelings I had, and didn't want to have - anger and resentment among them....take away the drink and it's natural all those strong emotions bubble up and resurface
I think most of us find our emotional 'level' again after a little while tho...and we regain a sense of perspective...it probably took a couple of weeks for me
D
I know I drank at least in part to try and salve the strong feelings I had, and didn't want to have - anger and resentment among them....take away the drink and it's natural all those strong emotions bubble up and resurface
I think most of us find our emotional 'level' again after a little while tho...and we regain a sense of perspective...it probably took a couple of weeks for me
D
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by bcboy
Hey Cat
The first few weeks for me I was a walking Powder Keg. I was playing out the same scenarios in my head as you on all the people who had wronged me.
It took some serious looking into myself over the last 7 months to finally let go of it all. I had to understand that the hate I was having was nothing more than a self projection of myself and the me that I was hating and it was looking into a mirror.
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
The first few weeks for me I was a walking Powder Keg. I was playing out the same scenarios in my head as you on all the people who had wronged me.
It took some serious looking into myself over the last 7 months to finally let go of it all. I had to understand that the hate I was having was nothing more than a self projection of myself and the me that I was hating and it was looking into a mirror.
My only advise is to look into yourself. Feel the anger and rage and study it so that you might understand the true cause and free yourself from it.
I lift weights every day and sometimes twice a day to try to displace my anger. I was accused of being on steroids constantly when I was in college and even today I am asked what my secret is. Aside from having body builders in my family (genetics), focusing my anger is really the only thing that I can think of that could make me any different than the average Joe.
I'm not sure if you are into lifting at all, but you mentioned getting a hobby and I'd suggest giving it a shot to see how you feel. I went to a counselor for my anger and she specifically told me not to lift because it can exacerbate anger but I have found the exact opposite to be true. If I don't lift I get very grumpy.
I hope that helps.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I agree that anger is common in early sobriety.
For me, it became very clear that the anger I felt was a result of years and years of not expressing that emotion to anyone, and keeping everything inside.
You could try an exercise program to help you.
For me, it became very clear that the anger I felt was a result of years and years of not expressing that emotion to anyone, and keeping everything inside.
You could try an exercise program to help you.
Avenger of my liver
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by bcboy
If I may.
Lets look into this deserving of anger and rage. Was it because they did something against you? was it something you did not like? Now look closer into the reason for your anger and why is it so important for you to hold onto this.
The people you are angry with are people close to you. You have become dependent on them for comfort, stability, your own personal happiness or some other reason. This dependency has fear because of the you wanting this security, happiness, comfort or anything else from someone other than you. And when you put other people in charge of the you and your happiness it will always fail because of the you projecting your wants and desires onto them. You are alone in finding what is truth, freedom. Giving that power to anyone else will only cause the anger you are experiencing today.
Lets look into this deserving of anger and rage. Was it because they did something against you? was it something you did not like? Now look closer into the reason for your anger and why is it so important for you to hold onto this.
The people you are angry with are people close to you. You have become dependent on them for comfort, stability, your own personal happiness or some other reason. This dependency has fear because of the you wanting this security, happiness, comfort or anything else from someone other than you. And when you put other people in charge of the you and your happiness it will always fail because of the you projecting your wants and desires onto them. You are alone in finding what is truth, freedom. Giving that power to anyone else will only cause the anger you are experiencing today.
I appreciate your attempt, but that new age stuff has got to go. It's not a matter of me being dependent upon anyone, it's a matter of people I come across that p**s me off.
Thanks anyway
Avenger of my liver
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Untoxicated
If I were going to write something about my anger it would have sounded a lot like this, thanks for doing the heavy lifting bcboy (no pun intended). Well said.
I lift weights every day and sometimes twice a day to try to displace my anger. I was accused of being on steroids constantly when I was in college and even today I am asked what my secret is. Aside from having body builders in my family (genetics), focusing my anger is really the only thing that I can think of that could make me any different than the average Joe.
I'm not sure if you are into lifting at all, but you mentioned getting a hobby and I'd suggest giving it a shot to see how you feel. I went to a counselor for my anger and she specifically told me not to lift because it can exacerbate anger but I have found the exact opposite to be true. If I don't lift I get very grumpy.
I hope that helps.
I lift weights every day and sometimes twice a day to try to displace my anger. I was accused of being on steroids constantly when I was in college and even today I am asked what my secret is. Aside from having body builders in my family (genetics), focusing my anger is really the only thing that I can think of that could make me any different than the average Joe.
I'm not sure if you are into lifting at all, but you mentioned getting a hobby and I'd suggest giving it a shot to see how you feel. I went to a counselor for my anger and she specifically told me not to lift because it can exacerbate anger but I have found the exact opposite to be true. If I don't lift I get very grumpy.
I hope that helps.
I went on a 1 hour walk this morning shortly after writing most of what I wrote. Not some walk in the park, but an hour on the track at about 7km/h. While doing so, I went through a bunch of anger, then after about 30 minutes I calmed down and began to meditate/pray and focus on my anger, ask for patience and consideration of others and to let things go. An hour later, I had a hot shower and good breakfast. Though I still have a strong distaste for all those people, I no longer have the rage I was talking about. Hello day 5.
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