kia

well had the first counselling session today over the phone she says they can only give me 4 sessions but if i need more then go back to docs and request more shes gonna help me with letting go of this relationship with the A cos she says i really need to let it go and start looking after me she was lovely said ive also to tell who ever does the next one about how im having issues with been alone cos she says thats important ive always had issues with that from when mum died would rather put up with something that makes me deeply unhappy than be alone hopefully they will be able to help me cope with been alone.

I am worrying about how ill cope been alone but also how i will cope with been with someone else cos i dont want to be alone my heads so battered i dont know half the time what way is up and im missing my dad so much right now more so than ever before with christmas coming up its gonna be hard this year feels like my whole worlds been revoloved on its axis and dont know what way is up and im reaching out for help and when i dont get it i get annoyed irritable and weepy took all this out on a friend other nite cos he wasnt around to listen to me so got really annoyed with him but well its not his job to prop me up when im feeling like that

She did say this woman when im feeling suicidal i need someone a friend or whoever that i can ring or talk to and talk me round but have no idea who cos arent that close to many have friends but its a big ask to phone up at 2am cos im feeling depressed

Live

there are a couple of hotlines in the UK aren't there? One is Samaritans and the other is Mind something?

JenT1968

If you are nuts, then I am too. I think we are in very good company . Therapy was awesome for me, really helped me with a lot of difficult stuff, and I am much, much happier now than I was before it started.

I hope when you look back on this you'll feel that way too. Reaching out is hard and scary, but you've done it! I think you can rightly be very proud of that.

Just having the phone number for the samaritans can help in dark times - knowing you can call them:

08457 90 90 90 in the UK and Northern Ireland

bookwyrm

I can also say the Samaritans helped me through a dark time in my life. Very kind and ready to listen. Please, give them a try when you really need them.

theuncertainty

Glad you're able to get in to talk with some one. I honestly don't know where I'd be without my counselor. I second calling the Samaritans if you need to. I've called the local hotline here, and as Bookwyrm said about the Samaritans, they've been very kind and ready to listen.

Take gentle care of yourself, Kia. You've got a lot going on and the holidays can be so rough. Ask for help. You may be surprised at what your friends are willing to do; I was and continue to be amazed that all I have to do is ask. Take full advantage of all the support you do have.

wicked

kia,
well, nuts is a does kind of describe the feelings, but i think you are making so much progress. you have four phone sessions and can ask for more. it was very hard for me to ask for help too.
yes, call the samaritans when you need to, they want to help people, they want to help you when you are feeling lonely and down.
truly, i understand how hard it is to give up on a relationship that was literally driving me nuts. one baby step at a time kia. you can do this, as a matter of fact, you already are.
i think i will be online christmas day, my daughter is going to her boyfriends. i think my son has another relative (his uncle) to go to. they both understand that christmas is not my thing really. they are old enought to let me be alone.
please take care of yourself kia, and ask for help when you need it.

beth
another person with bats in the belfry.

Tally

I don't think we're nuts Kia. I think sometimes we have too many thoughts going around our head, we let people treat us badly and then the two combined make us feel like we're going mad. It's just a case of putting boundaries into place and sticking to them to protect ourselves and then we're left with all those thoughts to sort through.

I know I have to many conflicting emotions and thoughts at the moment but I know I just need to sort through them, put them in their "pockets" so they don't get mixed up and I start to feel better and more in control of myself.

I'll be around Christmas night too. We're with the family all day but just me and my daughter and cats in the evening and once she's in bed it'll be me, the tv, cats and laptop, am looking forward to the peace after a busy day.

HoopNinja

kia it is always so hard for us to ask for help because we are always the ones helping someone-anyone but ourselves. If you ask--you might be surprised. When I thought I was going bonkers I did reach out--I was embarassed but I did it. I found out that not one person I asked turned away.

I will more than likely be here too on Christmas day. The kids are with their Dad this year and will be leaving in the morning and coming back in the evening.

For some reason the holidays are not hitting me this year. I am not lonely. I was more lonely when I was married to xah. I think not having that chaos on Christmas day and having a peaceful day will be something I enjoy. I will rent a couple of movies (non-Christmas or funny Christmas so I don't drag myself to a place I don't want to be).

treat yourself to something you love. Me--I used to do "spa night" at my house before I got married and had kids. Would turn off my phone and do the whole spa thing for myself--I loved it. Friends realized that there was no point calling me on Thursdays--that was spa night

kia you have come far. I'll tell you something my psychiatrist told me. If you think you are nuts you are not. People who are nuts don't know they are

One thing to add--sugar (and there is tons of it around this time of year) is a known culprit to make depression worse. Maybe find something delicious that you love to eat and have that instead!

reach out when you need to.