Update--over a year later
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 40
Update--over a year later
Last time I had posted on here was about a year and a half ago.
In my last thread, my wife had just been hospitalized with a suicide attempt after a drinking binge:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-decision.html
She went for treatment to a special psychiatric/rehab hospital. She has improved greatly, and it makes me think that perhaps her psychiatric problems/PTSD/bipolar/possible borderline personality might have been the major problem.
She went about 6 months after the psych hospital visit with no alcohol. However, apparently the therapists there indicated that her major issue was psychiatric, and that as long as the psych issues were improved, she would be able to drink alcohol moderately. She has done that, and no more out of control incidents/outbursts have occurred. I remain wary--after all, just like with the investment commercials, "past performance is no guarantee of future performance". However, this is the longest she has gone without problems, and it makes me believe (hope?) that perhaps the alcohol was a manifestation of psychiatric issues rather than a purely independent problem.
I want to thank everyone for their support during my crisis. Actually, the support and comments I received here helped give me the strength and knowledge to say, "I need to leave for my own protection and sanity". I think this, more than anything, led her to go into treatment.
In my last thread, my wife had just been hospitalized with a suicide attempt after a drinking binge:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-decision.html
She went for treatment to a special psychiatric/rehab hospital. She has improved greatly, and it makes me think that perhaps her psychiatric problems/PTSD/bipolar/possible borderline personality might have been the major problem.
She went about 6 months after the psych hospital visit with no alcohol. However, apparently the therapists there indicated that her major issue was psychiatric, and that as long as the psych issues were improved, she would be able to drink alcohol moderately. She has done that, and no more out of control incidents/outbursts have occurred. I remain wary--after all, just like with the investment commercials, "past performance is no guarantee of future performance". However, this is the longest she has gone without problems, and it makes me believe (hope?) that perhaps the alcohol was a manifestation of psychiatric issues rather than a purely independent problem.
I want to thank everyone for their support during my crisis. Actually, the support and comments I received here helped give me the strength and knowledge to say, "I need to leave for my own protection and sanity". I think this, more than anything, led her to go into treatment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by hapapinoy 
...apparently the therapists there indicated that her major issue was psychiatric, and that as long as the psych issues were improved, she would be able to drink alcohol moderately.
On the other hand, just about every last addict I have known is fully capable of fabricating such a lie, and saying it unblinkingly, unflinchingly to my face, in order to protect and continue their addiction.
Time for a reality check. Apparently.
CLMI
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi Hap,
Welcome back and thanks for the update.
If your wife is being treated with any psychiatric meds (anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, anti-social, etc.), they all come with a warning label to avoid alcohol.
The psych meds affect chemicals in the brain. So does alcohol.
You are wary of this combination.
Trust yourself. You have good instincts. You make good decisions.
Keep taking care of YOU!
Welcome back and thanks for the update.
If your wife is being treated with any psychiatric meds (anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, anti-social, etc.), they all come with a warning label to avoid alcohol.
The psych meds affect chemicals in the brain. So does alcohol.
You are wary of this combination.
Trust yourself. You have good instincts. You make good decisions.
Keep taking care of YOU!
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
hapapinoy, I'm glad your wife's treatment has appeared to have a positive effect. However, I must agree with catlovermi warning about your wife's drinking even in moderation. I'm guessing your wife has been prescribed some type of psychiatric medication from her hospital or her doctor. Individuals who drink alcoholic beverages should be aware that simultaneous use of alcohol and medications--has the potential to cause problems. All medications produce some type of side-effect. Many medications can interact with alcohol, leading to increased risk of illness, injury, or death. This is particular true if the medicine is mind-altering psychiatric medications. A few years ago a case was in the news about one young lady who mixed her psychiatric medication with alcohol and ended up in a long-term comma. I tried to conduct an internet surf for this young lady's name but was unsuccessful.
Most medicines travel round your bloodstream before being broken down by enzymes in your liver and eliminated in your urine. This is also how alcohol is processed by your body. Alcohol can interfere with medicines in a number of ways. Alcohol can compete with the medicine for the same enzymes. Put simply, this means the medicine will stay in your body for longer, making its action stronger and increasing the risk of side-effects. Alcohol can boost the way certain medicines (such as sedatives and opioid painkillers) act on your brain. Some medicines can increase the effects of alcohol on your body.
Please check out your wife's medicine on the internet and you should be able to find out for yourself what the side-effects of the medicine are, and what dangers are present for mixing alcohol with her medicine.
Just my personal friendly advice. Take what you like and leave the rest.
God's Blessings!
Phoenix
*******************************
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I'm glad things seem to be improving...
...however, this is a complete fabrication: "However, apparently the therapists there indicated that her major issue was psychiatric, and that as long as the psych issues were improved, she would be able to drink alcohol moderately."
There is no possible way that this is true, and if it is it is grounds for a malpractice suit. The disease is progressive, it is as much a part of her as the PTSD, there is no return to moderation, and in my opinion she is a ticking time bomb.
I'm not telling you what to do here, but I am calling it like I see it.
Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong about this, but I'm not wrong about this, and "Hope is not a strategy."
Take care my friend. From one man who loves a PTSD/bi-polar/depressed, alcoholic wife to another.
Cyranoak
There is no possible way that this is true, and if it is it is grounds for a malpractice suit. The disease is progressive, it is as much a part of her as the PTSD, there is no return to moderation, and in my opinion she is a ticking time bomb.
I'm not telling you what to do here, but I am calling it like I see it.
Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong about this, but I'm not wrong about this, and "Hope is not a strategy."
Take care my friend. From one man who loves a PTSD/bi-polar/depressed, alcoholic wife to another.
Cyranoak
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 40
I appreciate everyone's replies. I shared the very same concerns--that, even if alcohol was just a trigger for an underlying psychiatric problem, alcohol should have been totally off limits.
Perhaps her therapists feel that if the underlying psychiatric issue is "controlled", then alcohol would not longer be a trigger?
I also have the same concerns about medication interactions.
On the other hand, how can I call her out on the issue when she has had about a year and a half without further incidents? She used to have a crisis every 3-6 months.
I'm not sure how to really push the issue if there have been no problems that long.
Perhaps her therapists feel that if the underlying psychiatric issue is "controlled", then alcohol would not longer be a trigger?
I also have the same concerns about medication interactions.
On the other hand, how can I call her out on the issue when she has had about a year and a half without further incidents? She used to have a crisis every 3-6 months.
I'm not sure how to really push the issue if there have been no problems that long.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Hi hapapinoy: it is wonderful news that your wife has improved.
I just have two or three things to mention:
traditional therapists who have experience and training with psycho problems unfortunately can be totally inexperienced with alcohol and drug dependency. To put it simply: most often, they don't know anything about alcohol or drug addiction. I would be very cautious taking the advice of a psycho therapist concerning alcohol. I find it worrying that a therapist told her alcohol consumption would be "safe"....if that therapist had any knowledge of the problems alcohol caused before, wouldn't that advice be dangerous?
Many alcoholics have double diagnoses: I know several people in the rooms of AA who have at least one or two other problems: manic depression, chronic depression, eating and gambling disorders, etc, etc. They have benefitted hugely from staying sober, and in many of the cases, their sobriety pathed the way for good treatment and progress in the treatment of their psychological disorders.
As an alcoholic in recovery, I would lastly clarify a term for you: alcohol is not the trigger.
Sad feelings, compulsion, nervousness....and a million other feelings are triggers to drink alcohol. Alcohol is just a substance, that "normal" people can drink without any problems. But, when a person who suffers the disease of alcoholism feels triggered to drink abnormally, that is when the destruction starts.
I just have two or three things to mention:
traditional therapists who have experience and training with psycho problems unfortunately can be totally inexperienced with alcohol and drug dependency. To put it simply: most often, they don't know anything about alcohol or drug addiction. I would be very cautious taking the advice of a psycho therapist concerning alcohol. I find it worrying that a therapist told her alcohol consumption would be "safe"....if that therapist had any knowledge of the problems alcohol caused before, wouldn't that advice be dangerous?
Many alcoholics have double diagnoses: I know several people in the rooms of AA who have at least one or two other problems: manic depression, chronic depression, eating and gambling disorders, etc, etc. They have benefitted hugely from staying sober, and in many of the cases, their sobriety pathed the way for good treatment and progress in the treatment of their psychological disorders.
As an alcoholic in recovery, I would lastly clarify a term for you: alcohol is not the trigger.
Sad feelings, compulsion, nervousness....and a million other feelings are triggers to drink alcohol. Alcohol is just a substance, that "normal" people can drink without any problems. But, when a person who suffers the disease of alcoholism feels triggered to drink abnormally, that is when the destruction starts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Hapapinoy I'm not advising you push anything...
...and I need to be clear about that. What I am saying is that I believe, because she is still drinking, that she is now at a higher risk of major relapse. I'd argue she is drinking to get a buzz on, not because she likes the taste. With what you two have been through, what healing person would even want to return to drinking knowing the risks?
So, if you find yourself knowing something isn't quite right, and I believe you already do and that is why you came back and posted that information, then something is, in fact, not right.
Opposite of pushing anything, what I am advising is that if you don't already do so, please start going to Al-Anon, at least six meetings before you decide if it is right for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
So, if you find yourself knowing something isn't quite right, and I believe you already do and that is why you came back and posted that information, then something is, in fact, not right.
Opposite of pushing anything, what I am advising is that if you don't already do so, please start going to Al-Anon, at least six meetings before you decide if it is right for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by hapapinoy
I appreciate everyone's replies. I shared the very same concerns--that, even if alcohol was just a trigger for an underlying psychiatric problem, alcohol should have been totally off limits.
Perhaps her therapists feel that if the underlying psychiatric issue is "controlled", then alcohol would not longer be a trigger?
I also have the same concerns about medication interactions.
On the other hand, how can I call her out on the issue when she has had about a year and a half without further incidents? She used to have a crisis every 3-6 months.
I'm not sure how to really push the issue if there have been no problems that long.
Perhaps her therapists feel that if the underlying psychiatric issue is "controlled", then alcohol would not longer be a trigger?
I also have the same concerns about medication interactions.
On the other hand, how can I call her out on the issue when she has had about a year and a half without further incidents? She used to have a crisis every 3-6 months.
I'm not sure how to really push the issue if there have been no problems that long.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hello hapapinoy!
Keep taking care of you. SR is a lifeline and also helped me leaving a toxic person.
I am glad your wife seems better.
She is the one under treatment, she is the one who can consider second opinions, she is the one that will ultimately drink or not... all of that is not under your control.
I hope you can get to Alanon/therapy so whatever she does or does not do, you keep your peace and know who you are, what you deserve and where you are going. That is the most important thing.
Keep taking care of you. SR is a lifeline and also helped me leaving a toxic person.
I am glad your wife seems better.
She is the one under treatment, she is the one who can consider second opinions, she is the one that will ultimately drink or not... all of that is not under your control.
I hope you can get to Alanon/therapy so whatever she does or does not do, you keep your peace and know who you are, what you deserve and where you are going. That is the most important thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by littlefish
As an alcoholic in recovery, I would lastly clarify a term for you: alcohol is not the trigger.
Sad feelings, compulsion, nervousness....and a million other feelings are triggers to drink alcohol. Alcohol is just a substance, that "normal" people can drink without any problems. But, when a person who suffers the disease of alcoholism feels triggered to drink abnormally, that is when the destruction starts.
This seemed to go against my basic understanding of substance abuse. I was not then, and am not now, particularly comfortable with that whole approach. Frankly, I think it is a mistake. I think she ought to not drink at all.
On the other hand, I suppose the thing to do is just to wait to see if another alcohol-related crisis occurs. If the therapist is right, then, given that her psychiatric status is much better on a new medication regime and after therapy, we should see no further problems. However, if my suspicion is right, then sooner or later there will be another crisis which would, sadly, validate my fears.
Since I seem to have an uphill battle against the "experts' advice," I guess the best way is to just let her "declare herself" over time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
...and I need to be clear about that. What I am saying is that I believe, because she is still drinking, that she is now at a higher risk of major relapse. I'd argue she is drinking to get a buzz on, not because she likes the taste. With what you two have been through, what healing person would even want to return to drinking knowing the risks?
So, if you find yourself knowing something isn't quite right, and I believe you already do and that is why you came back and posted that information, then something is, in fact, not right.
Opposite of pushing anything, what I am advising is that if you don't already do so, please start going to Al-Anon, at least six meetings before you decide if it is right for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
So, if you find yourself knowing something isn't quite right, and I believe you already do and that is why you came back and posted that information, then something is, in fact, not right.
Opposite of pushing anything, what I am advising is that if you don't already do so, please start going to Al-Anon, at least six meetings before you decide if it is right for you. Here: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
To some extent, I wanted to see if there are other people with similar experiences which would support my fears.
I thought this might be a good place to start before taking the step of going to the Al-Anon meeting. Quite frankly, since there is no overt problem at the moment, I was concerned that I might be tagged as some sort of hypersensitive complainer/exaggerator/"boy who cried wolf" at an Al-Anon meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by hapapinoy
Quite frankly, since there is no overt problem at the moment, I was concerned that I might be tagged as some sort of hypersensitive complainer/exaggerator/"boy who cried wolf" at an Al-Anon meeting.
Whether your wife is drinking or not and not currently overtly causing problems, she has in the past and could well in the future and Al-anon is a positive step for you to come to terms with everything that has happened and learn healthy ways to move forward. Please dont write it off.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Over the years I have simplified my thoughts about alcohol. It is either being used as a beverage or a drug, depending on the drinker. If you can take it or leave it, it is a beverage. In that case, you really don't care if you have an alcoholic beverage. If it is important to someone to drink, then it is being used as a drug.
For years, I used alcohol as a drug. I don't do that anymore, and I would not want to take the chance which would come with me trying to use it as a beverage.
If she doesn't have a drinking problem, not drinking won't be a problem.
For years, I used alcohol as a drug. I don't do that anymore, and I would not want to take the chance which would come with me trying to use it as a beverage.
If she doesn't have a drinking problem, not drinking won't be a problem.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
the therapist felt that my wife was basically a bipolar/PTSD patient for whom alcohol abuse was merely an expression of the underlying psychopathology.
Yes, Al-anon would be great for you.
Something else that has been discovered the years by those psych Dr and therapist that DEAL with addiction, that ADDICTION can 'mimic' many different mental health issues, and that a person cannot really be diagnosed with a mental illness, until the alcohol and/or drugs have been out of their systems for months.
I was over 9 years sober when I went STARK RAVING NUTS, and it turned out that I was Bi Polar.
You are in a very precarious position, and if there are any children in the home, then it is time to be SUPER ALERT, and still very ALERT for you own well being.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
What can you do today that brings you peace? That is a question I ask myself often...
Alanon philosophies have helped me, not only when dealing with alcoholics.. it showed me I paid too much attention to others and gave none to myself.
There is so much we don't control at all. When I focus in what I DO control my life improves.
I hope you have a great year 2011!
Alanon philosophies have helped me, not only when dealing with alcoholics.. it showed me I paid too much attention to others and gave none to myself.
There is so much we don't control at all. When I focus in what I DO control my life improves.
I hope you have a great year 2011!
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