beaglenut

I live with an addict who is two years clean and sober. I am so afraid to continue in this relationship. I have never seen him in active addiction. He is so unbelievably supportive of my relapses (not enabling). He has so much faith in my ability to quit. I am so worried that I will continue to disappoint him. Maybe it's time for me to end the relationship and give him a chance to find someone clean and sober. I feel like I don't deserve him and that I will only continue to hurt him. Is it selfish for me to stay and accept his unconditional love? I want only the best for him and right now that's not me.

Sharon
Day 1 again

Dee74

Hi beaglenut

I'm sorry you're struggling but welcome back.

We often get our perspectives twisted in addiction I think.

You're not a loser or a failure - you're like the rest of us - trying to change our life is hard.

Everyone can do this - there are hundreds of people here who can attest to that.

It's just a question of finding other things to add to your own indivdual programme until you find a way that works.

Your focus really needs to be on you though - not your partner.

Don't let the self-loathing divert you from doing whatever you need to do to get well.

You have a lot of positives going for you in your life judging on this post - you're very fortunate to have a partner who not only loves and supports you without enabling, but one who understands the situation you're in.

All it needs is for you to step up to the plate again Beaglenut.
What can you do differently this time?

D

beaglenut

I could suck up my embarrasment and go back to my counselling group at an addiction facility. I could go back to AA meetings. I have already handed my banking card to my partner. Money is a huge trigger for me.

I could stop letting shame prevent me from getting help.

Dee74

One of the worst thing about our addiction is it stops us getting help - we either feel too embarrassed, or too ashamed, or too scared, or too unworthy.

We all deserve a better life beaglenut - sometimes we need help to start the process off tho.

please do follow up on some help
D

bcboy

Hi Beaglenut

I would say you got the best of the best with your guy who knows exactly what you are going through.

It could be a lot worse. You could have a guy who thinks that your new found sobriety is a joke and take every chance they get to not only make fun of it but actively try to sabotage it.

Have a heart to heart with your man and see what comes out of it.

beaglenut

He had 30 years of drug and alcohol use and got clean and sober two years ago. He has seen and done everything, so he really does get it.

I actually envy him his recovery. He has worked at it though and made it a priority. I realize that I have been very lazy in mine. Wanting some to hand me sobriety without really putting consistent effort into it.

I guess I should just accept that he wants to support me and be grateful for it. My ex husband couldn't deal with it and finally told me he wanted out. In retrospect I don't really blame him. I wouldn't want to deal with me either.

Sharon

least

Sounds like your partner is a caring supportive sort. I hope this can be your last day One.

flutter

That's great that you really have someone supporting you.. and it sounds like you've identified what you're not doing, and what you could be doing to help yourself. Now I hope you'll get on board and kick this thing once and for all.. it's a beautiful life, in recovery.

Saleen

It helps him to help you...

LawMama

I'll echo that your focus needs to be on you. If being with you is harmful to your partner, then it is his responsibility to deal with that. Good job figuring out what you could do differently....you can do this!